Not happy? Why Not???
My job as a spiritual advisor is a laborious one. It can be draining and quite heartbreaking at times when clients are stuck in unhappy situations, or simply unhappy within. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all go away. Sadly, I cannot. However, I can assist them with tools they need to turn that frown upside down.
First and foremost it's important to recognize what it is you're feeling. When we're stuck in an angry place, we then turn that anger inward (if we do not express it) and it can turn into depression. It sits, like a weight, in your soul. It festers, and it starts to mesh with everything within. It blurs what reality is, and sometimes we cannot see a way out. Recognizing what it is you're feeling, (i.e. disappointment; anger; resentment; feeling controlled; loss of control; confusion), and acknowledging that it's okay to allow yourself to feel this is the first step.
No one likes to see someone they love unhappy. Those who care for you such as friends, family and lovers may try to tell you to snap out of it or to think positive, and though their advice may be appreciated it can, most times, be quite annoying. If you could just SNAP OUT OF IT you would. No one wants to be stuck in the myre. It's best that you don't try to explain yourself to these people. I say this because there are people that just want to fix you, they want you out of that funk because it makes them uncomfortable, or worried, and when you explain yourself they ALWAYS feel the need to give even more UNWANTED advice. So, thank them for their concern and their assistance and let them know you are aware of it and need some space.
After you recognize what it is you're feeling, it's important to review what has happened that has thrown you off balance. It could be the loss of a relationship, a friendship, a job, finances...the list is endless. But, one thing people don't think of is the "core". The core is what has happened to us in the past. Past experiences we THOUGHT we worked through because we started to feel better, but in reality we never really did, and we've supressed certain things that were unpleasant or we could not change. We learned to live through it, til eventually, it's long forgotten. However, your spirit never forgets. And it can be as simple as a change of season, a scent, a statement someone made that TRIGGERS that old wound and for some reason feelings of despair can arise and lend way to sadness. We don't know why we feel this way. We don't know why we can't let go of that boyfriend/girlfriend. We don't know why we lay awake at night in a pool of sweat with worry. It's just a feeling.
I've had a great many clients obsess over an ex, and worry excessively over finances. This is completely understandable. BUT, the key factor is to figure out what it's triggering in you. Is it you fear being alone? Did it trigger abandonment issues from the past? Are you concerned about losing your home or car? In most instances it triggers our feelings of not being appreciated, having no control, feeling as if you're navigating without a compass.
There are some tools that I've learned through the years that have been tested and are tried and true. If applied and your serious about pulling out of it, these do work. As silly as they sound.
TOOLS TO PULL YOU OUT OF THE ABYSS
1. GET UP! GET OUT! MOVE AROUND! When we fall into a sad state (I hate the word depression) we tend to become lazy and lacadasical. We sit in our PJ's much of the time. We eat canned or processed food because cookinng is just to exhausting. And we watch pointless infomercials waiting for this feeling to pass. It's important that you GET MOVING! Get up. Don't crawl in bed for more than one day. Moving and going out side help to promote your intake of oxygen. Oxygen is needed for new cell growth. You need it to revive. If you sit, unmoving, shallow breathing, you are actually making it worse. As much as it's a pain to get up, do it anyway. Move around. Go for a walk.
2. DON'T DRONE ON AND ON ABOUT WHAT IS WRONG! We all do it. I'm guilty of it and I've made a conscious effort to never do it. We get on the phone. We tell anyone who will listen what that S.O.B. did to us. We seek validation and/or soothing from our friends. But lets be honest. We never believe them when they tell us how amazing we are, so in reality it's futile and pointless. Don't drone on and on. No one really wants to be on the other end of the phone while you list everything that's wrong, and then go into the ailments you have now. Stop. Catch yourself. Saving the droning and bitching for your journal. Paint it on a page. Vent, let it out. Say things you would never want anyone to read. By letting it out once a day on a journal, it's cathartic. But talking about it day after day, and hour after hour, only makes you feel worse. It makes you RE-LIVE those moments, pulling you deeper.
3. CON FRONT THE SITUATION: This is a big one. I have to be honest, most times I've been in the muck and myre and clients have as well, one of the biggest issues is "I should've said this...I should've done that..." It's always, and I mean ALWAYS, a matter of closure. If the sadness is caused by not having closure with an ex, or anyone else, don't sit stewing. Say it. Speak your truth. If you were abused. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you're offended, or been hurt. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you were abandoned. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. Everyone is so afraid to say anything. Everyone has a reason; they don't want to be rude. They don't want to look foolish. They don't want anyone to think ill of them. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OR WHAT THEY'LL SAY AND WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!!! Stop putting everyone else first. You need not go ballistic and snap and call someone foul names. But you can compose an email or even say it to someone's face that you do not appreciate how you've been spoken to or been treated. It's never okay to allow yourself to sit in that mud. Get out of it, pull yourself out of the quicksand, and SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you don't you will carry that for months, sometimes years, and you've now created a new trigger. Never fear expressing how you feel. It's when you DON'T express it that it becomes baggage.
4. FOCUS ON THE DO'S NOT THE DON'TS! When I get in a funk, I first thank the universe for all I DO have, not what I DON'T have. We all get caught up in what we lack, and focus on that. Instead, look around at what you do have. You have family and friends that love you. You have beautiful sunsets. You have an awesome pot roast in the freezer. Be thankful for what you have that is tangible. You have a roof over your head, food in your mouth and clothes on your back. Focusing on what you do have is amazing. It changes your entire persepective and it snowballs. What I mean is you will be thankful for (my example) that beautiful candle you have in your bedroom. You then begin to think how you have a great job that affords you the luxury of buying that candle. You then begin to look at the home you've built and the comfort of home....It just snowballs into something wonderful. BE THANKFUL!
5. REALIZE WHEN A DOOR CLOSES A WINDOW OPENS: Sometimes we're too lazy, or fearful to cut things out of our lives that are NOT healthy for us. We stay in a bad relationship because we've invested a lot of time or we THINK we are in love when really it was just comfortable and routine. The universe has a way of shaking things up. We have a kind and loving universe, not a punishing one, as much as everyone likes to think so. And sometimes the universe is sending something so much better your way. You can't see it. You can't believe it. But, trust me, it's true. Look back on every other devastating instance in your life, and how you were actually grateful it's gone now because has it stuck around you may never have gotten to where you are now. THERE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS SOMETHING BETTER AWAITING YOU. And the sooner you pull yourself out of the bad place, the faster you will attain it.
6. BE MINDFUL OF PATTERNS AND TIMES OF DAY! When I got divorced, a divorce I initiated and one I was ELATED to have lol, I never thought I'd fall into a sadness state, ever. I didn't really, but I noticed that each day, around 5 or 6 I'd start to feel a little melancholy. Didn't understand why. Then I realized, 5 O'Clock was when my husband would come home. The house was alive with the kids running around, me making dinner, all of us at the table talking about school, work, etc. I became mindful of it and I began to change the routine. I started making dinner at 4 pm occupying my mind and starting THAT OLD PATTERN sooner in the day, and completely wiping out what "use to be" and replacing it with "what is now". So keep track of the times you are feeling most down. What usually happened around this time? Is it a pattern you established? And switch it up. For some, this sadness comes at bedtime. Feelings of being alone. Buy some new sheets, new PJ's, pamper yourself leading up to bed time making yourself a favorite snack, grabbing a good book, putting on PJ's and making a bedtime routine a nice, pampering ritual. Slather your skin with some wonderful smelling lotion (aroma therapy), lighting a candle. Whatever you enjoy. It's your time!
7. MUSIC! MUSIC! MUSIC! Do NOT put on some sappy "I love my man" song, or a country song that deals with "I lost my car, my wallet and my dog"...it just makes it worse. Turn on a song from high school. "Party Like It's 1999" is my all time favorite. It reminds me of my high school graduation and my foot starts tapping, my body starts moving and before I know it I'm dancing in the living room with my 12 yr old. Yes, the dog looks at me funny, but who cares...I'm having a blast. Music lifts you up...so play it. Dance. And have some fun, damn it!
8. GET A READING ON YOU, YOU, YOU! Don't focus on HIM, HER, THEM! It's all about you right now. Don't ask questions about future love, future job, blah blah blah. Ask, "What can I do to get on my path?" Find out what the core issues are, how to unblock them. How to address future situations that you may encounter. Ask an advisor how to speak your voice. Focus on you. Too many times, and it's totally understandable, a client wants to know what someone else is thinking and feeling. The key is to figure out what YOU are thinking and feeling, focusing on you. Starting over is difficult, it bites, it really sucks, but if you have an outline of what you want to do, and get insight as to how to achieve it, you will get there so much faster.
You've heard it all...."Everything happens for a reason", "Every cloud has a silver lining", "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"...And all those other hokie 70's poster ads...but it's true. You've been gifted with a life, why waste one moment of that life? Why allow burdens to pull you down and make your life so difficult? Start to turn it around. Begin today. It's time to be happy. When you are happy, you exude and ooze joy, which attracts more joy, more abundance and more prosperity. You draw into your circle amazing experiences, people and situations. When you stay in the sad place, you draw in more sadness. Get up...wash the stink off you...and get moving!!!
Love and Blessings,
Lisa
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