He's just THAT into you!

Yes, we've read the book. We've seen the movie. We've laughed, cried and even cringed over the hot best seller and even bigger box office draw, He's Just Not That Into You. For those of you whom haven't seen the movie or read the book (I urge you to do so..ahem...hear me?) But for those of you who HAVE seen it you've become hyper-vigilent to not be that girl!, there is a bit of glitch here that I don't think anyone has questioned and that is;

How do I know if he's NOT into me and acting this way, and how can I tell if he IS into me but playing games?

I'm a bit hesitant in answering that question. Not because I do not know how to spot a game player a mile away, and how to recognize and respond to such, but simply because (and women don't bash me here) there is an over abundance of women out there that cannot take a hint when the signs are all there, waving like big ass orange semifore flags, right in your face and they STILL see what they choose to. They still insist that even though he hasn't called in two years they had something incredible. They still insist he's just been hurt by that last whore in his life and he's scared to get hurt again so he avoids commitment. They still only see that he took them to bed, but not that he stapled cab fare to their head and pushed them out the door before the condom was off!

So, before I even delve into this blog, I'm asking all the crazy bitches to please leave the room for you are going to read this and then when a man ISN'T into you, find a way to turn MY advice into permission to stalk him and humiliate yourself. I'll wait until all of them have left the room before I continue...

Wow....not many left, eh? lol

Okay here we go!

I need to drive this point home so it will click with all of you who read this, and I do not jest, nor do I spin fantasy tales, and I would never mislead my fellow "sistah's", I mean this in all sincerity because it is true; Men love just like we do. It's their expression of that love that is different than a woman's! Got it!

Men feel the spring in their step, they get sweaty palms, and dry mouth. Their hearts beat faster, they daydream, the doodle your name, carve your name in a tree, or even on their coffee table, but make no mistake, they do feel exactly what we feel on every level when they are falling in love!

I'm going to show how men and women are different in a few examples of what a woman does in each scenerio, and what a man does in this scenerio:

A couple falls in love, they have their first big fight and say a bunch of things neither mean, parting ways and slamming doors:

THE WOMAN: As soon as that door slams she has her best friend on the phone, she's sobbing incoherently and when they hang up she calls her second best friend, and so on and so on, even calling her BFF from second grade (whom she hasn't spoken to since 3rd grade). She binges on hotdogs dipped in chocolate sauce, walks around with the phone in her hand, pee's with it on her lap til finally, after writing one email after another to him ranging from hostile, to passive aggressive, to apologetic, to emphatic to indignant and reading all of them to all her friends and being told to step away from the computer (not sending any of them and bogging up her "draft" box in email cuz each one is too good to throw away: to be saved for another time), she collapses in exhaustion at 5:17 a.m. She is POSITIVE he left her house, found that whore who keeps texting him, they had wild, monkey sex, then he fell fast asleep not thinking one thing about her...

THE MAN: Men don't figure out what they are feeling as easily as a woman. If you ask a woman how she feels you will hear words like hurt, angry, sad, insecure. If you ask a man how he's feeling you hear, Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad. After the door slams he storms to his truck (it's always a truck isn't it, ladies?) and off he goes. He doesn't know where he's going, but his foot is to the pedal. He's thinking he might go eat something. Or he's going over to Kevin's house because he has guitar hero #925. He goes to Kevin's house, knowing how much you hate kevin (and yes he does this on purpose) and he gets some great pleasure out of it and grins proudly as he sits playing guitar hero all night with his cell right next to him positive you're going to call because, well, you always do cuz women can be complete idiots, and he becomes increasingly more pissed off as time ticks away and you did NOT call or text. He isn't waiting for you to call so you two can talk, he's waiting for you to call so he can ignore you! He isn't telling Kevin anything that happened, he's acting bored by the arguement to save face, and your new name has now become "that crazy bitch". He then leaves around 2 a.m. even though he was ready to leave 5 hours ago, just to spite you. On the way home he's getting more pissed off because you haven't called, and now he's plotting what to say when you DO call! It's mean, and I won't even repeat the vulgar names he's calling you right now. Then, as 2 a.m. becomes 3 a.m. he remembers something you said about what you did to your ex-boyfriend (keyed his car, slept with his brother/best friend, shot his dog, posted the pic of him wearing your thong all over the net) and he becomes increasingly more paranoid. Does he sleep that night? Yes. Men can sleep through anything. But he wakes up and checks his phone instantly and even his email to see what you have to say. No call. No email. MAD AGAIN!

Get the picture?

Now, when a man is INTO you but playing the "I'm not into you game" the lines can get fuzzy, but there is one key in knowing it's a game...and that key (insert pregnant pause here for dramatic effect because you're all just waiting, aren't ya?)...inconsistancy!

When a man is into you they want to see you, they want to be with you, but they act like they don't. They act as if they don't care if you go with them to wash their truck, or if you spend the night, or if you go with him on guys night out. Okay, the first sign a guy is really really into you is if you're at "guys night out". It means he wants his baby there, even if he acts like he doesn't care. You're there, the only girlfriend present within miles of guys night out, so he DOES care.

Men are not really socially graceful. When they don't care about you, they don't care about your feelings. So if he's not into you he will not say "I don't care if you go..." he will, instead either tell you NO you can't go, or he'll make up some lame excuse about how you can't go because the car wash has ecoli and he only has one hazmat suit and you'd become infected....This is the kind of lies men tell because they are moron's. But we're even dumber because we go home and call our BFF and explain how sweet it was that he didn't want us to get infected while said BFF sits on the other end of the phone rolling her eyes and mouthing the words, "omg she's a stupid douche" under her breath...

But, I digress. A man who IS into you, but playing games pretending he isn't will want you to come along but won't ask you rather he'll let you ask to go and he'll answer "i don't care".

A man who IS into you but playing games will never wait more than two days to call you. He will make you wait but when he's into you he wants you for the weekend, and you will ALWAYS get a call by Wednesday to go out for friday. He cannot wait too long unless you're one of those really retarded women who call everyday leaving repulsive voice messages telling him how FREE you are that weekend!

A man who IS into you but pretends he's not will get very annoyed and even pissed off if you talk about your ex, or the cute guy at the 7-11, or McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. He will say things like, "That pussy? You think HE'S cute? The idea you are attracted to anyone but him with his eye boogers and webbed toes is beyond him...

A man who IS into you but playing games will always text you back, he will delay it, but you could text him with "what's up? and four days later, out of nowhere you'll get a text that says, "not much, what are you doing?" This is usually when women wonder if that text was for her or someone else who just text him and it was accidentally sent to you. No, it was for you. He's just trying to act uninterested. If you ask him why he is answering now, he'll give you that bullshit of "Oh I didn't see it til now". Okay, who on this planet has a cell phone and hasn't seen a message for 4 days, then responds to it like that? NO ONE. A normal response is, "Sorry didn't see this til now..." They don't answer your question...eye roll. Why is everything such a damn game?

A guy who IS into you but is trying to act as though he's not will constantly update his myspace and FB when he hasn't heard from you in the midst of his acting "coy" trying illicit SOMETHING from you...He will post things that piss you off, but say nothing, such as, "Nursing a hang over" "Got those concert tickets today" "Looking at vacation spots" Anything to peak your curiosity and get you to FB back with, "are you going somewhere?" DON'T DO IT. STOP NOW. DON'T PLAY THE FB GAME.

**** THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE MSLISAM BROADCASTING NETWORK*****WARNING****WARNING***** DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BELIEVE ONE FRIGGEN THING YOU READ ON FACEBOOK. IT'S DESIGNED TO MAKE PEOPLE NETWORK, AND SOCIALLY ENGAGE. IT'S LIES, ALL LIES! PEOPLE POST THINGS ON MYSPACE AND FACEBOOK WHAT THEY WANT OTHERS TO SEE. IT'S NEVER THE TRUTH. IT'S ALWAYS TO APPEAR MORE INTERESTING THAN THEY REALLY ARE. SO SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF TIME, PAIN, TEARS AND PANIC AND DON'T READ THEIR FACEBOOK. IT'S AN ILLUSION!*****THAT CONCLUDES THE WARNING MESSAGE.

Now, we've established the verbal and attitude games. Here come the physical. A man who is into you will see you at least once a week (if able to, I will do a blog on online relationships and the games they play). These men will want to see you. They will call at least twice a week. They will return your texts and calls, but late. They won't pick fights unless you mention other men; going to a bachelorette party (of which he'll refer to your friends as sluts lol).

He'll ask who you're texting when you're with him. And you'll see his annoyance when you turn away to view or answer a text.

A man who IS into you may call you late for a date trying to act uninterested, but you will notice when you do go out he takes you to the restaurant you want to go to (men not interested will go to taco bell), and the movie you wanted to see (terms of endearment rather than Mortal combat). He will buy you the big popcorn and he'll even throw in that huge drink, the one that has a tide in it because it's so large. He will still act uninterested, but this shows quite the opposite.

(I will write more later, my hand is cramping lol)