How to spot "real" love

If you've read my blog (now deleted) you would know I don't mince words. And though, yes, I am a spiritual advisor and counselor, I am human. I write in the same manner I talk. I do not hide behind this "light and love" facade, nor do I have a pretentious bone in my entire body. Hence the reason I was not asked to be on The Real Housewives of New York. Well, that and the fact I'm from Boston (go Red Sox, bite me Yankee's). But I call a spade a spade and an asshole an asshole, TO THEIR FACE!

Now, that being said, there are definite tips and signs to indicate when someone really loves you. I will outline the ones that ignite those good feelings and reciprocal feelings, followed up by, what I refer to as the definite tell-tale signs he loves you. Come along with me...

When someone loves you, they aren't going to tear you down. Ever. I know many couples who are locked in this constant tear down method only to mask it with the phrase I'm only trying to help you be a better person. Okay, first of all, I do not need YOU to help ME be a better person. And who on earth says you are an authority on what better is?

When someone is trying to assist you in being what they call a "better person", they are not trying to change you. When it's authentic and genuinely trying to assist you, what a person who loves you does is they help you to focus on your qualities, your attributes, and enhance those. They do not tell you what to "change" they tell you what to enhance. The reason I say this is because when someone is always noticing the negative about you and not the positive it means they are judging you and looking at you as the glass is half empty. As if you are some project that needs fixing. You're not. You are a work in progress, we all are.

The worst thing you can do, when engaging with a person who is always trying to fix you is to see yourself through their eyes. Most times, people who are trying to fix you are doing so because they are too lazy to fix themselves. They want you to mold and shape and conform to what they want, rather than changing what needs to be changed, or perhaps, FIXED within themselves. They project, outwardly and in your direction, what it is that you do that either intimidates them or threatens them. So when someone is tearing you down in an attempt to renovate you, put them in their place INSTANTLY (as this will set boundries and define the line in the sand they are NOT to cross again). It need not be snarky. You need not be insulting, in fact, you should never respond with an attack, rather, you say, "Though I appreciate your input, I did not ask for it". I tend to raise my eyebrow at a person who is trying to fix me. I fold my arms at my chest, all emotion drained from my face, I tilt my head and raise my brow and stare dead at them. I say nothing. But trust me the message is clear that I do not like nor desire their input.

Another sign that someone loves you is when they HEAR you. Not just listen, but hear you. When a person acknowledges that you don't feel good and they ask you if you feel better. Or when you state you don't like sushi and they remember it and don't ever badger you to go and eat sushi. When a person hears it upsets you that they don't text you back for hours, and makes an effort to text asap. Hearing you shows they care about your concerns. They are working on the relationship. They see you as an equal, and they respect you. When you tell a partner the things that upset you or cause you concern, and they either continue doing it, make no apology for ow it makes you feel, or steps it up a notch by doing it more, this person needs to go. Seriously. It won't get any better, especially in the latter case. If someone does the same behavior, knowing full well it angers you, or wounds you, that is a deal breaker, and they need to be put in time out til they get it fixed, or they need to go. Trust me on this one, girls, a man who constantly does it is doing it because THEY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FEEL OR THINK....kick this bastard to the curb.

A big sign of how important you are to someone is in how they introduce you to people. I once dated someone who, when we were out, would stop to talk to his friends while I stood closely by his side, and never, not once introduced me. When I asked why he didn't his response was Oh I forgot. You forgot? I'm standing right next to you, nudging you and coughing to make my presence known. How the hell did you forget? Well the truth is, I wasn't a priority. He didn't want anyone to know my name, who I was to him, and whenever a man does this, it's usually because they either; A) go thru women like fat kids go thru twinkies and you're not going to be around long so why make the introduction. Or B) They are completely ignorant and classless. Either way this person who does not introduce you needs a lesson taught to them. The lesson is you give him 1 minute to make the introduction, as this should be done as a greeting to the other party, such as, Hey Bob, how are you and Alice doing. I want you to meet my girlfriend, Lisa". That is a proper introduction. Sometimes if the relationship is new, they will introduce you as their friend. That is acceptable and for the love of goddess, don't call me to flip out that you were introduced as his friend and bombard me with wtf I'm his FRIEND? He didn't think I was his friend when I was naked with cool whip on my belly last night! Like I said, if this is a new relationship and the two of you have not stated you ARE, in fact, COMMITTED to each other and monogomous, chill out...If you have committed and he/she introduces you to a friend in a manner address it later. If he does it again, walk away as he introduces you as a friend. Anytime I was not introduced to a friend of my boyfriends while they engaged in conversation in front of me, I'd walk away. I'd be rude as hell, and turn on my heels and walk away. It infuriated him. And ya know what? Back at ya, babe. Oh and for the record, I'm single now, so I guess you can tell where he is now...CURBED.

Nothing impresses me more than when I go to dinner or lunch with a man I've dated a couple times and while paroosing the menu he points out something on it that he knows I like (which is usually on the dessert menu lol, anything chocolate). For someone to have YOU on their mind when they see something they know you like, and remember it, then voice it, is like music to my ears. It shows they are listening to you and they have taken note of it. It speaks volumes. Those things really stand out. And if he/she shares their food with you and steals bites from your plate...Oh yeah, good signs there.

There are so many little signs someone is in love with you that so many people miss. They focus so much on the BIG things that all the little things go unnoticed and actually, make the person who is showing you their love with subtle things feel unappreciated. It's important to acknowledge those little things, not dismiss them, or not notice. Such as these:

You fall asleep on the couch and they care enough to cover you with a blanket so you aren't cold


They thank you for the little things you do, showing they acknowledge them and appreciate them.

They buy your favorite ice cream and share a bowl with you even though they would've preferred strawberry instead of choclate.

They ask about your family; how they are doing; their names; etc

They check the oil in your car, or better yet, they pump your gas for you. I once had a boyfriend that had the balls to sit in MY car while I pumped my own gas. I leaned in the window and asked, "You comfy princess?" He got out right away and took over. My goodness, what an idiot he was.

A big one is when they are having a problem with a family member, coworker or friend and they confide in you and ask your opinion. This means they value your opinion.

They kiss you hello and goodbye. Even if you're sleeping they let you know they are leaving.

They buy your tampons with no questions asked other than, is it the pink box or the blue one. What are wings?

My point is, pay attention to the little things, THOSE are the signs that matter. Those are the signals that you are important and a priority. Stop thinking if he loved you he'd send you flower; he's buy the ring; he'd move in with you. No. Those aren't the meat of someone's love, those are the bonus'. The meat is when you are sick and he is running his fingers through your hair and asking if you need anything...PAY ATTENTION to those things, not when you're going to meet his mother!