Well, times have even changed since these times as well. Now, I watch as my 17 yr old daughter tells me her boyfriend just text her telling her he was waiting outside. I'm flabberghasted by that, and now I repeat what my mother said and the boy needs to come to the damn door!!!
Even though we've had the wonderful technology of cell phones, computers, guitar hero...and the like, I've found that the courting ritual is almost void. I am single as well, and I'm just appalled half the time with how men approach me. It's comical.
Now, there are do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. The old fashioned rules do still apply. Such as; You DON'T sleep with someone on the first date! There is no exception to this rule. Okay, maybe one. The one exception is the girl who does NOT really want a relationship but is still testing the waters and has no qualms about sleeping with someone she doesn't really know. But I'm talking about women who WANT love and want respect and the common mistakes they make that really delay this, and actually do more damage than good.
It is true what they say, If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. Now what I mean by this is, you're a lady. You should be treated as such. You should not settle for anything less than gentlemanly treatment. Now I'm not saying he has to jump from the car and run around to your car door to open it if you're going for pizza, but there are certain dating etiquette rules that have become so lax it's disgusting and it's causing women to become really confused as to what the roles are.
DATING DON'TS
Don't accept a date via text message. OMG this is the tackiest way to ask a woman out. Dial the damn phone. You obvviously have opposible thumbs and could text...DIAL THE DAMN PHONE. By accepting a date via text message with a man who is NOT already your committed boyfriend or husband is showing you will settle for less than you deserve. It's really cold, and in my opinion, a cowards way of doing things. If met with this invitation, do not respond with an answer. Simply text back with "did you just TEXT me for a date? Seriously?" Now I know many will argue that if you reply in such a fashion the man (who by the way of sending a text request date is clearly showing he's a boy) will then retract said offer and not call. TRUST ME ON THIS, he'll call. If he wants to date you bad enough. HE....WILL....CALL. If his interest in you was minimal, he may not, which shows you that he wasn't serious about the date, and he wouldn't have been serious in a relationship either. Let that ship sail. But do not accept any date with a new, potential partner via text. TACKY! TACKY! TACKY!
Don't get into deep relationship talk until you know the man. So many women make this horrible mistake. They are ready for love, and ready for commitment. They meet a great looking, fun, sweet guy, and 2 weeks into the courtship are already wondering when this guy is going to commit. The error in this is why do you want a commitment from someone you BARELY know? I mean, do you reallly know this man? Or are you falling for his "representative"? The person he wants you to BELIEVE he is. Come on, girls, how many times have we fallen for Mr. Right and found out he was Mr-OMG-HE-IS-SATAN-INCARNATE! Don't talk about love, relationships, marriage, kids, buying a puppy together and naming him Ralph....stay off this topic until you've established that you are, in fact, involved with the man he presented himself to be. The longer you put off that talk, the greater the chance you will get the commitment. Women out there can be scary. They latch on within minutes, they literally suffocate men, so be different from the rest. Don't talk about moving forward until later.
Don't answer a damn booty call. Okay, you've already been intimate with the guy. You've gone on dates that led to his apartment after. That's cool. But when a man calls at 11 pm on a Saturday night after he and his friends have hit the strip clubs, don't run to his side. If he calls you drunk off his ass and it's the break of dawn outside...its'a booty call and well, he's just gonna have to deal with self love at this juncture. By running to a booty call, you are letting him know he need not show you respect and he can call you anytime it strikes his fancy, and he will do it time and again.
Do not answer late night text messages. If this man texts or calls at 2 a.m., rising you out of a dead sleep, unless his voicemail says, "I woke up and you weren't next to me and I miss you", DO NOT RETURN THAT FRIGGEN CALL! Do not jump out of bed on the second ring and answer it. Nothing good comes out of a 2 am phone call. It's either a booty call, or it's a "I need bail" call. DO NOT TAKE THE CALL. Listen to the voice mail to make sure he's not in the hospital or that a family member hasn't passed away...but anything less...it can wait til morning AFTER you've had your coffee. If you get an early morning text message, even if it's "I miss you!" don't answer it. You're sleeping. He can wait. I've known men that do send the women they love these loving geestures, and yes, I agree, it's amazingly sweet, but it's also incredibly ignorant to wake someone up lol.....Do not answer, do not text back. Keeping a man waiting for your response is good. If you feel the need to return the text, then do so, but at least 30 minutes later.....
Do not mistake good sex for love. Again, a huge error made by women. I cannot tell you how many women comet o me talking about this "amazing connection" they share with this guy who was a sexual gymnast. Okay, great sex is awesome and I'm not one to thumb my nose at it, but it's not love. It's the connection outside of the bedroom that is the determining factor, not the other way around. If you are compatible in bed, but want to stab each other with a steak knife in the living room, kitchen and movie theatre, chances are, it's not love...it's primal basic instinct....
Do not call or text a potential boyfriend unless you are returning a call or text from him. Do not get his email address and bombard him with pictures of puppies and kitties and stupid heart photos....I know many women who do this and I am amazed when they do it. You meet a great guy, you go on three dates, and every morning you're texting with "Hope you have a great day I work, snookems"....These women say they want these men to start off their day with a smile. Well, I'm going to rip your bandaide off right now....The first time you do it, it's cool...the second, the third, the daily "thinking of you" texts will spook your new boyfriend and have him blocking you from his email and ignoring your texts. Let's call a spade a spade, you don't give a shit if he's having a good day, YOU WANT HIM TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOU when you do this. Youi'll get more attention if you act like a woman, and not some teeenage nymphette hopped up on Nestle Quick....relax, stop trying to push this suitor into a tux.....chill out!
Don't show up everywhere he is to "accidentally on purpose" run into him. Guys are hip to this. You are NOT fooling anyone. You look ridiculous and they hate it. It's boys night out. And you are showing up and insuring that if he goes home with anyone that night it's gonna be YOU. Well, it probably will be, because you're there, he drank tequila, and now you've shifted into the reliable bed mate whenever he is randy. If this man really wants you, he won't insult you with a booty call. He won't hang out with his boys all night at the club and then start talking to you 5 minutes before closing time. PAY ATTENTION. If he's ignored you all night, but it's closing time and now you're eyes look beautiful and he's digging that tan.....run....cuz you are being used.
Don't be a wife before you're a girlfriend. What I mean by this is cooking dinner for him every night and bringing it over in your best tupperware....Baking him brownies and sending them to his job...cleaning his house while he is watching football. Doing his laundry. Buying him new underwear. Driving his pets tot he vet, picking up his dry cleaning....omg the list is endless. Unless this man IS your boyfriend, and you ARE committed (you met his family, you have some clothes in his dresser or closet, you've vacationed together, you've driven his truck on many occassions) YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND....SO DON'T BE THIS MAN'S WIFE. He has to earn that. To get that part of you, that special grace that is a woman, he must earn it. It's not rightfully deserved because he has the penis.....
Do not buy him things for his home. Don't buy a plant, potpourri, candles, prety little soaps, a new bathmat....STOP. Do not spend money on this man and set up house. The only reason women do this is to leave their mark so other prospective females will know this man has a girl....If you think this man likes it, you're wrong. /As soon as you leave, those pretty little bath soaps are hidden, and the plant will eventually die because you wont' be around anymore to water it....Save your money and your energy! Wait until this is official before you do anything. And before you do, ASK!
Don't call or text or email him constnatly when you haven't heard from him in over a week. Have some dignity and don't chase this man. If he is truly interested in you and is really overloaded with work, etc, he will contact you and apologize and make it right. If he isn't interested, your texts, calls and emails are going to be ignored, they aren't going to make a differnce. You're not going to change his mind...So save yourself the humiliation.
Don't lend a potential boyfriend money. If this guy has mistakenly left his wallet home and discovers this after he's already pumped the gas, then okay, I get it. But if he is asking for a car payment, rent money, or new veneers for his teeth...tell him to ask his mother. Never take care of a man financially that hasn't put a ring on your finger, and even then, it's questionable lol
Do not become the woman he wants. If he likes the earthy type who camps and hikes etc, and you are the type of girl who takes a taxi to your mailbox, then don't pretend to be a rock climber. Because it's really shitty to misrepresent who you are, and should he fall in love with this woman you are feigning being, he will surely resent it later when you tell him you sold hte camping gear. Do not pretend to be what he wants, or what you THINK he wants. Do not drink tequila when you really want coffee. Do not fake who you are in hopes of winning this man. You will be exposed, and what you're doing isn't fair. You wouldn't like it done to you. Be honest. If you aren't a big one on outdoor activities tell him you will TRY it.....but don't pretend to be experienced in things you aren't. Don't tell him you love country music when you want to rip your ears off everytime you hear it. Because what ends up happening is you're dragged to go see Garth Brooks at the county fair and wearing shitkickers....
Don't morph into him. Have your autonomy. Be a separate individual before you become a couple and even after. Have your girl time with your friends, enjoy the things you enjoy without worrying that he may not like it. Don't lose youreself in this guy. Because if it doesn't work out between you, then you feel lost afterwards, and that's when women tend to become obsessive and actually scary....be your own woman.
Dont accept a last minute date . Unless he had to visit a sick relative and said relative dies and free's up his friday, never accept a date after wednesday for a friday. Yes, there are certain exceptions when he hasn't asked you for a date, is kicking it at home and wants to get a burger with you, and calls and says, "Hey wanna grab something to eat?" that's fine, but still, don't accept lol.....If a man is calling you at 6:30 pm on Friday night for a date, chances are his boys backed out from a night of partying or anotehr date backed out. You are to simply say, "Oh that's a sweet offer, but I've already made plans....sorry" This will teach him to call sooner. And, if he's seriously interested in you, he will then say, "Okay well how about....(insert suggested day and time here)" making a date with you, and reserving your time.....Don't ever accept last minute dates with a man whom you do not have a substantial relationship with. BOOTY CALL! lol
Do not ignore a hitnt, or red flag. If you are laying in his bed, glowing after the throes of passion and he's saying how he has to get up early in the morning...it means LEAVE. If you go to dinner and gets a text message and suddenly starts yawning and telling you how tired he is halfway thru the salad, it means, the date is over. If he isn't calling you back, texting you back, reported you as a spam in his email....this has come to an end. Take the hint and move on...Don't try to find out why, don't humiliate yourself...Let it go.Move on.
The bottom line is self respect and to remember that it is YOU doing the choosing. YOU are deciding if this man is worthy of the gifts you have to offer, the love you have in your heart, and the honor of your company. Women love with their whole being. And when you love, you give. And a man needs to be worthy of all of this, it's not deserved. It's not a sense of entitlement. If you give all of this prior to commitment, you are lessening your chances of ever having it. The more you value yourself, and respect yourself, the more he will. If you settle for morsels, he's sure to feed you crumbs...and you will forever be malnuroushed.....
I wish every young woman had a mother who would break down these, seemingly simple, facts. Truth is trth, and you truly tell it like it is. I love your last sentence. I am going to hold that one on my head forever! Thank you.
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