In my blog below I listed just a few of the types of men that women date, but eventually leave. And as I said below as well, women are perplexing, and hard for anyone, even other women, to read. We do change our minds a great deal, and we shift as quickly as the tide. Yet, there are some things that women will tolerate in men, if they see potential, or if the "good" outweighs the "bad".
REASONS WHY WOMEN LEAVE "NICE" GUYS
I know this is one of the most confusing to men. Women complain and cry over never being able to find a nice guy. And when they do meet one, they always leave him for the bad boy or the nice guy ends up shifting from boyfriend to roaming around the friend zone. Let me try to explain what it is that these men are doing wrong.
There is a big, big difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat. Just like I've lectured and tried to educate women on NOT being a wife before you're even a girlfriend, I will lecture the men not to be a husband before being a boyfriend. These nice guys need to find their spine. I cannot speak for everyone, and to be very honest, I'm having a hard time writing this because as I write, I know there are some women that like overly-attentive men who send those fuzzy emails, and cater to her every whim, BUT only when the feelings are reciprocal, and then there are those women that just use men like this, which is really hurtful to those nice guys because they never realize it until they have invested a good chunk of their hearts in the woman, and an even greater portion of their paycheck.
Just like women, men can give too much too soon. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and they are a bit suffocating. I had a client who came to me, and he said:
"I don't know why she keeps avoiding me. We dated for about 6 weeks and it was going great. I took her everywhere she wanted to go. I text her during the day to tell her I was thinking about her. I sent her flowers when she got the flu and even brought her chicken soup. But after I spent the weekend at the beach with her at her family reunion she stopped taking my calls...why?"
Now, at first glance you think "awww" he's so sweet, wish my boyfriend would do all that. Therein lies the glitch. HE WASN'T HER BOYFRIEND...YET! And what the real scenerio was, was much different than the innocent and quite loving gesture you've read above. What really happened was this, and I'll break it down:
1. They actually only had 2 dates. After the first date, while driving her home, he made a second date with her still in the car. He hadn't even sealed this date first but was now locking her into a second date. This is awkward for the woman because she hasn't even decided if she likes him yet. Men, don't ask for a second date until you've sealed the goodnight kiss, then judge how well the date went by that. Don't assume because she has been nice all night that she is into you. Women give tell tale signs they are into you, and the goodnight kiss is always the clincher.
2. He talked endlessly about things that were going on in town that he wanted her to go to with him. How there was a concert March 2 (and here it is only November) and he wanted to take her to it. He talked about his mother and how mom will just love her. How his sister is having a baby and how he can't wait to be a father. This is too much information for date 1.
3. At the end of date 1, he pulled in her driveway, and walked her to the door (nice and gentlemanly, we love this), but he didn't notice she already had her keys out and had walked quickly to the door. As she unlocked the door, he kept talking about their second date, constantly REMINDING her that she agreed to go out with him again. She politely smiled, nodded and went in saying goodnight without a kiss. BIG SIGN THERE, DUDE!
4. Before he was even a block away, he text her with how he can't wait until Tuesday to see her again. He then text her again when he got home to say it once again and to let her know she was on his mind. He then text her the next morning to tell her to have a nice day, then again around noon to ask if she had a good lunch, then again at 5:00 to make sure she got home from work okay. Then he text her around 8 pm to tell her he just heard a song that reminded him of her. (All this before date 2?). None of his texts were answered or responded to. So he called to make sure she was getting them. (shakes my head, DON'T DO THAT. WE GET THEM. DON'T CALL T-MOBILE AND ASK IF YOUR PHONE IS BROKEN, IT'S NOT, THE RELATIONSHIP IS!).
5. Date 2 was much like date 1, only, it was worse. He took her to a sporting event with his good friend and his good friends wife. A couple/couple date on the second date is not good. He kept trying to push her into a friendship with his friends wife and talked about vacations together, BBQ's and going over their house to play pictionary. Can you imagine how uncomfortable this is for a woman who isn't into a guy, now is forced to couple up with her BFF's? Meanwhile friends wife is talking to her the whole time about how cute they look together.
6. When she excused herself to go to the ladies room, he followed her. Yes. He followed her. His excuse was to make sure she found her way back to their seats (she's 40 folks, not 4) and stood outside the ladies room waiting for her. Shakes my head...oye.
7. After the sporting even, while following the BFF's for a fun night of board games she told him she wasn't feeling well and maybe she should go home. He then tries to invite himself in by telling her how the flu was going around, blah blah blah. She declines his offer to take care of her and can't get out of the car fast enough when he shut it off and sits in her driveway to talk some more. He then texts her continually through the night checking on her. She responds with how ill she's feeling and she's just going to bed. This is a hint saying, STOP TEXTING ME.
8. Assuming she, in fact, has the flu, he sends flowers the next day with a card signed LOVE MELVIN! She doesn't call to thank him. Instead texts him with an abbreviated "THX". Ouch! He blast texts her asking her how she likes them, how they were sent to brighten her day, and a barrage of other things. He calls, it goes right to voicemail.
9. After 4 days of him texting her worried she may have been hospitalized because of the flu or perhaps she had malaria, he arrives at her door with chicken soup. She looked fine, he said, but she was very snippy with him which, to him, meant she still wasn't feeling well. He then proceeded to ask her for a date for that weekend. She states she can't because she has a family reunion at the beach on saturday.
10. AH HERE COMES THE PART THAT IS A BIT OVER THE TOP...He shows up at the beach on Saturday and see's she wasn't lying, she DID have a family reunion, to which he just throws himself into it. He is not introduced to her family, rather he introduces himself and says, "Hi, I'm Melvin, I'm Jolie's boyfriend". gasp, argh, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you didn't!
Now can ANYONE tell me what he did wrong? lmao
Yes, women want an attentive man. Yes, we want them to include us in their lives. We do like the texts in spurts, but there is a fine line between attentive and obnoxious. And throwing yourself, injecting youself, into someone's life uninvited is a deal breaker and a great way to insure she leaves skid marks in your driveway.
Here are the overt, and not so overt signs that show a man a woman IS interested.
1: They will lean forward, move closer, or smile a great deal, listening attentively and purposefully when you speak.
2. At dinner, they will not order spaghetti, BBQ ribs or anything with garlic or onion. They won't order foods that will be messy to eat, or give them bad breath.
3. When asked if they want dessert, the will want to "split" it with you.
4. They will head to the restroom after dinner, not to text their BFF with "help me!!!!" But to primp. Take notice if their hair looks fluffed up, and they smell of mint as they suck on an altoid.
5. They will go along with your future plans. If you talk about a concert in March, and it's November, they will respond positively and in the affirmative by saying things like, that sounds fun, I've always wanted to see Lady Gaga!
6. They will not race to their front door. They will engage in stupid small talk, not having their keys in their hand ready to bolt into the door. Instead, they dig for their keys in their purse, giving you enough time to kiss them. OR they will unlock the door, but not go in, they will turn to you and again thank you for an awesome nite. (*if a woman describes the date as: nice, good or just says thank you...then it's questionable. But if she says awesome, amazing, fun, great...then you're in!)
7. She will kiss you goodnight, and it's not a peck either. If she's eaten 20 altoids before you dropped her off, that is a sign she wants to kiss you, guys. And that goodnight kiss is going to be a good one, trust me on this!
8. You won't have to text her a block away from her house, because she will probably text you before you've even pulled out of her driveway, thanking you once again for an AWESOME time.
9. She will answer your calls, and respond to EVERY text.
10. She will look even prettier on the second date and sexier too, the dress will be shorter, the heels a tad higher and she's dressed in the color that you mentiioned was your favorite.
Women, like men, do not want to be smothered. They don't like to feel as though they are being stalked. And men, clingy men, tend to really go overboard, and I will tell you, it scares a woman. There are a lot of freaks out there, and it can be a bit unnerving to have someone know everythng you've been doing.
There are men that are just completely creepy. They show up at your work; they try to befriend your friends or family members; they are constantly online waiting for you to pop on and IM you instantly as soon as your Windows Vista loads. They are constantly available to you, and they want to ALWAYS be with you. They will offer to change your oil on a Wednesday, and they will want you to meet their family right away.
Men can be as bad as women, but they are worse because they DON'T stop.
I don't know who educated these men, but they seem to think all a woman wants is a relationship and get married and have kids. Not every woman wants this, and most need chemistry. If the two of you have chemistry, she will let you know. She will touch your arm, she will sit close to you, she will make reference to it, and she will even make the frist move to kiss you if she's feeling confident enough. But if there is no chemistry, you will either end up in the friend zone or a blip on the screen.
Take heed, don't assume that because she's a woman she automatically wants everything you do (marriage, family, house). Don't ever assume because you will probably be wrong. Go slow. Don't smother and dont send blast texts. If you send a text, asking how her day is, and she responds with an answer, and a question, THAT means she is into you. If she responds with a one word answer...don't send another text!
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