He's just THAT into you!

Yes, we've read the book. We've seen the movie. We've laughed, cried and even cringed over the hot best seller and even bigger box office draw, He's Just Not That Into You. For those of you whom haven't seen the movie or read the book (I urge you to do so..ahem...hear me?) But for those of you who HAVE seen it you've become hyper-vigilent to not be that girl!, there is a bit of glitch here that I don't think anyone has questioned and that is;

How do I know if he's NOT into me and acting this way, and how can I tell if he IS into me but playing games?

I'm a bit hesitant in answering that question. Not because I do not know how to spot a game player a mile away, and how to recognize and respond to such, but simply because (and women don't bash me here) there is an over abundance of women out there that cannot take a hint when the signs are all there, waving like big ass orange semifore flags, right in your face and they STILL see what they choose to. They still insist that even though he hasn't called in two years they had something incredible. They still insist he's just been hurt by that last whore in his life and he's scared to get hurt again so he avoids commitment. They still only see that he took them to bed, but not that he stapled cab fare to their head and pushed them out the door before the condom was off!

So, before I even delve into this blog, I'm asking all the crazy bitches to please leave the room for you are going to read this and then when a man ISN'T into you, find a way to turn MY advice into permission to stalk him and humiliate yourself. I'll wait until all of them have left the room before I continue...

Wow....not many left, eh? lol

Okay here we go!

I need to drive this point home so it will click with all of you who read this, and I do not jest, nor do I spin fantasy tales, and I would never mislead my fellow "sistah's", I mean this in all sincerity because it is true; Men love just like we do. It's their expression of that love that is different than a woman's! Got it!

Men feel the spring in their step, they get sweaty palms, and dry mouth. Their hearts beat faster, they daydream, the doodle your name, carve your name in a tree, or even on their coffee table, but make no mistake, they do feel exactly what we feel on every level when they are falling in love!

I'm going to show how men and women are different in a few examples of what a woman does in each scenerio, and what a man does in this scenerio:

A couple falls in love, they have their first big fight and say a bunch of things neither mean, parting ways and slamming doors:

THE WOMAN: As soon as that door slams she has her best friend on the phone, she's sobbing incoherently and when they hang up she calls her second best friend, and so on and so on, even calling her BFF from second grade (whom she hasn't spoken to since 3rd grade). She binges on hotdogs dipped in chocolate sauce, walks around with the phone in her hand, pee's with it on her lap til finally, after writing one email after another to him ranging from hostile, to passive aggressive, to apologetic, to emphatic to indignant and reading all of them to all her friends and being told to step away from the computer (not sending any of them and bogging up her "draft" box in email cuz each one is too good to throw away: to be saved for another time), she collapses in exhaustion at 5:17 a.m. She is POSITIVE he left her house, found that whore who keeps texting him, they had wild, monkey sex, then he fell fast asleep not thinking one thing about her...

THE MAN: Men don't figure out what they are feeling as easily as a woman. If you ask a woman how she feels you will hear words like hurt, angry, sad, insecure. If you ask a man how he's feeling you hear, Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad. After the door slams he storms to his truck (it's always a truck isn't it, ladies?) and off he goes. He doesn't know where he's going, but his foot is to the pedal. He's thinking he might go eat something. Or he's going over to Kevin's house because he has guitar hero #925. He goes to Kevin's house, knowing how much you hate kevin (and yes he does this on purpose) and he gets some great pleasure out of it and grins proudly as he sits playing guitar hero all night with his cell right next to him positive you're going to call because, well, you always do cuz women can be complete idiots, and he becomes increasingly more pissed off as time ticks away and you did NOT call or text. He isn't waiting for you to call so you two can talk, he's waiting for you to call so he can ignore you! He isn't telling Kevin anything that happened, he's acting bored by the arguement to save face, and your new name has now become "that crazy bitch". He then leaves around 2 a.m. even though he was ready to leave 5 hours ago, just to spite you. On the way home he's getting more pissed off because you haven't called, and now he's plotting what to say when you DO call! It's mean, and I won't even repeat the vulgar names he's calling you right now. Then, as 2 a.m. becomes 3 a.m. he remembers something you said about what you did to your ex-boyfriend (keyed his car, slept with his brother/best friend, shot his dog, posted the pic of him wearing your thong all over the net) and he becomes increasingly more paranoid. Does he sleep that night? Yes. Men can sleep through anything. But he wakes up and checks his phone instantly and even his email to see what you have to say. No call. No email. MAD AGAIN!

Get the picture?

Now, when a man is INTO you but playing the "I'm not into you game" the lines can get fuzzy, but there is one key in knowing it's a game...and that key (insert pregnant pause here for dramatic effect because you're all just waiting, aren't ya?)...inconsistancy!

When a man is into you they want to see you, they want to be with you, but they act like they don't. They act as if they don't care if you go with them to wash their truck, or if you spend the night, or if you go with him on guys night out. Okay, the first sign a guy is really really into you is if you're at "guys night out". It means he wants his baby there, even if he acts like he doesn't care. You're there, the only girlfriend present within miles of guys night out, so he DOES care.

Men are not really socially graceful. When they don't care about you, they don't care about your feelings. So if he's not into you he will not say "I don't care if you go..." he will, instead either tell you NO you can't go, or he'll make up some lame excuse about how you can't go because the car wash has ecoli and he only has one hazmat suit and you'd become infected....This is the kind of lies men tell because they are moron's. But we're even dumber because we go home and call our BFF and explain how sweet it was that he didn't want us to get infected while said BFF sits on the other end of the phone rolling her eyes and mouthing the words, "omg she's a stupid douche" under her breath...

But, I digress. A man who IS into you, but playing games pretending he isn't will want you to come along but won't ask you rather he'll let you ask to go and he'll answer "i don't care".

A man who IS into you but playing games will never wait more than two days to call you. He will make you wait but when he's into you he wants you for the weekend, and you will ALWAYS get a call by Wednesday to go out for friday. He cannot wait too long unless you're one of those really retarded women who call everyday leaving repulsive voice messages telling him how FREE you are that weekend!

A man who IS into you but pretends he's not will get very annoyed and even pissed off if you talk about your ex, or the cute guy at the 7-11, or McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. He will say things like, "That pussy? You think HE'S cute? The idea you are attracted to anyone but him with his eye boogers and webbed toes is beyond him...

A man who IS into you but playing games will always text you back, he will delay it, but you could text him with "what's up? and four days later, out of nowhere you'll get a text that says, "not much, what are you doing?" This is usually when women wonder if that text was for her or someone else who just text him and it was accidentally sent to you. No, it was for you. He's just trying to act uninterested. If you ask him why he is answering now, he'll give you that bullshit of "Oh I didn't see it til now". Okay, who on this planet has a cell phone and hasn't seen a message for 4 days, then responds to it like that? NO ONE. A normal response is, "Sorry didn't see this til now..." They don't answer your question...eye roll. Why is everything such a damn game?

A guy who IS into you but is trying to act as though he's not will constantly update his myspace and FB when he hasn't heard from you in the midst of his acting "coy" trying illicit SOMETHING from you...He will post things that piss you off, but say nothing, such as, "Nursing a hang over" "Got those concert tickets today" "Looking at vacation spots" Anything to peak your curiosity and get you to FB back with, "are you going somewhere?" DON'T DO IT. STOP NOW. DON'T PLAY THE FB GAME.

**** THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE MSLISAM BROADCASTING NETWORK*****WARNING****WARNING***** DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BELIEVE ONE FRIGGEN THING YOU READ ON FACEBOOK. IT'S DESIGNED TO MAKE PEOPLE NETWORK, AND SOCIALLY ENGAGE. IT'S LIES, ALL LIES! PEOPLE POST THINGS ON MYSPACE AND FACEBOOK WHAT THEY WANT OTHERS TO SEE. IT'S NEVER THE TRUTH. IT'S ALWAYS TO APPEAR MORE INTERESTING THAN THEY REALLY ARE. SO SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF TIME, PAIN, TEARS AND PANIC AND DON'T READ THEIR FACEBOOK. IT'S AN ILLUSION!*****THAT CONCLUDES THE WARNING MESSAGE.

Now, we've established the verbal and attitude games. Here come the physical. A man who is into you will see you at least once a week (if able to, I will do a blog on online relationships and the games they play). These men will want to see you. They will call at least twice a week. They will return your texts and calls, but late. They won't pick fights unless you mention other men; going to a bachelorette party (of which he'll refer to your friends as sluts lol).

He'll ask who you're texting when you're with him. And you'll see his annoyance when you turn away to view or answer a text.

A man who IS into you may call you late for a date trying to act uninterested, but you will notice when you do go out he takes you to the restaurant you want to go to (men not interested will go to taco bell), and the movie you wanted to see (terms of endearment rather than Mortal combat). He will buy you the big popcorn and he'll even throw in that huge drink, the one that has a tide in it because it's so large. He will still act uninterested, but this shows quite the opposite.

(I will write more later, my hand is cramping lol)

Do's and Don'ts of Dating

My mother use to say to me, "When I was your age, the boy came to the door and greeted the parents. If he didn't, then my father wouldn't let me go on the date!"  I use to roll my eyes and groan, and embarassed I'd go outside to my boyfriend who had beeped the horn and tell him he HAD to come to the door.


Well, times have even changed since these times as well.  Now, I watch as my 17 yr old daughter tells me her boyfriend just text her telling her he was waiting outside.  I'm flabberghasted by that, and now I repeat what my mother said and the boy needs to come to the damn door!!!


Even though we've had the wonderful technology of cell phones, computers, guitar hero...and the like, I've found that the courting ritual is almost void.  I am single as well, and I'm just appalled half the time with how men approach me.  It's comical.


Now, there are do's and don'ts when it comes to dating.  The old fashioned rules do still apply. Such as; You DON'T sleep with someone on the first date!   There is no exception to this rule. Okay, maybe one. The one exception is the girl who does NOT really want a relationship but is still testing the waters and has no qualms about sleeping with someone she doesn't really know.  But I'm talking about women who WANT love and want respect and the common mistakes they make that really delay this, and actually do more damage than good.


It is true what they say, If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. Now what I mean by this is, you're a lady.  You should be treated as such.  You should not settle for anything less than gentlemanly treatment.  Now I'm not saying he has to jump from the car and run around to your car door to open it if you're going for pizza, but there are certain dating etiquette rules that have become so lax it's disgusting and it's causing women to become really confused as to what the roles are. 

DATING DON'TS

Don't  accept a date via text message.  OMG this is the tackiest  way to ask a woman out.  Dial the damn phone. You obvviously have opposible thumbs and could text...DIAL THE DAMN PHONE.  By accepting a date via text message with a man who is NOT already your committed boyfriend or husband is showing you will settle for less than you deserve.  It's really cold, and in my opinion, a cowards way of doing things.  If met with this invitation, do not respond with an answer. Simply text back with "did you just TEXT me for a date? Seriously?"  Now I know many will argue that if you reply in such a fashion the man (who by the way of sending a text request date is clearly showing he's a boy) will then retract said offer and not call.  TRUST ME ON THIS, he'll call.  If he wants to date you bad enough. HE....WILL....CALL.  If his interest in you was minimal, he may not, which shows you that he wasn't serious about the date, and he wouldn't have been serious in a relationship either. Let that ship sail.  But do not accept any date with a new, potential partner via text. TACKY! TACKY! TACKY!

Don't get into deep relationship talk until you know the man.  So many women make this horrible mistake.  They are ready for love, and ready for commitment. They meet a great looking, fun, sweet guy, and 2 weeks into the courtship are already wondering when this guy is going to commit.  The error in this is why do you want a commitment from someone you BARELY know?  I mean, do you reallly know this man?  Or are you falling for his "representative"?  The person he wants you to BELIEVE he is.  Come on, girls, how many times have we fallen for Mr. Right and found out he was Mr-OMG-HE-IS-SATAN-INCARNATE!    Don't talk about love, relationships, marriage, kids, buying a puppy together and naming him Ralph....stay off this topic until you've established that you are, in fact, involved with the man he presented himself to be.  The longer you put off that talk, the greater the chance you will get the commitment.  Women out there can be scary. They latch on within minutes, they literally suffocate men, so be different from the rest.  Don't talk about moving forward until later.

Don't answer a damn booty call.  Okay, you've already been intimate with the guy.  You've gone on dates that led to his apartment after. That's cool.  But when a man calls at 11 pm on a Saturday night after he and his friends have hit the strip clubs, don't run to his side.  If he calls you drunk off his ass and it's the break of dawn outside...its'a  booty call and well, he's just gonna have to deal with self love at this juncture.  By running to a booty call, you are letting him know he need not show you respect and he can call you anytime it strikes his fancy, and he will do it time and again. 

Do not answer late night text messages.  If this man texts or calls at 2 a.m., rising you out of a dead sleep, unless his voicemail says, "I woke up and you weren't next to me and I miss you", DO NOT RETURN THAT FRIGGEN CALL!  Do not jump out of bed on the second ring and answer it. Nothing good comes out of a 2 am phone call. It's either a booty call, or it's a "I need bail" call.  DO NOT TAKE THE CALL.  Listen to the voice mail to make sure he's not in the hospital or that a family member hasn't passed away...but anything less...it can wait til morning AFTER you've had your coffee.  If you get an early morning text message, even if it's "I miss you!" don't answer it. You're sleeping. He can wait.  I've known men that do send the women they love these loving geestures, and yes, I agree, it's amazingly sweet, but it's also incredibly ignorant to wake someone up lol.....Do not answer, do not text back.  Keeping a man waiting for your response is good. If you feel the need to return the text, then do so, but at least 30 minutes later.....

Do not mistake good sex for love.  Again, a huge error made by women.  I cannot tell you how many women comet o me talking about this "amazing connection" they share with this guy who was a sexual gymnast.  Okay, great sex is awesome and I'm not one to thumb my nose at it, but it's not love.   It's the connection outside of the bedroom that is the determining factor, not the other way around.  If you are compatible in bed, but want to stab each other with a steak knife in the living room, kitchen and movie theatre, chances are, it's not love...it's primal basic instinct....

Do not call or text a potential boyfriend unless you are returning a call or text from him.  Do not get his email address and bombard him with pictures of puppies and kitties and stupid heart photos....I know many women who do this and I am amazed when they do it.  You meet a great guy, you go on three dates, and every morning you're texting with "Hope you have a great day I work, snookems"....These women say they want these men to start off their day with a smile.  Well, I'm going to rip your bandaide off right now....The first time you do it, it's cool...the second, the third, the daily "thinking of you" texts will spook your new boyfriend and have him blocking you from his email and ignoring your texts. Let's call a spade a spade, you don't give a shit if he's having a good day, YOU WANT HIM TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOU when you do this.  Youi'll get more attention if you act like a woman, and not some teeenage nymphette hopped up on Nestle Quick....relax, stop trying to push this suitor into a tux.....chill out!

Don't show up everywhere he is to "accidentally on purpose" run into him.  Guys are hip to this. You are NOT fooling anyone.  You look ridiculous and they hate it.  It's boys night out. And you are showing up and insuring that if he goes home with anyone that night it's gonna be YOU.  Well, it probably will be, because you're there, he drank tequila, and now you've shifted into the reliable bed mate whenever he is randy.  If this man really wants you, he won't insult you with a booty call. He won't hang out with his boys all night at the club and then start talking to you 5 minutes before closing time. PAY ATTENTION.  If he's ignored you all night, but it's closing time and now you're eyes look beautiful and he's digging that tan.....run....cuz you are being used.

Don't be a wife before you're a girlfriend.  What I mean by this is cooking dinner for him every night and bringing it over in your best tupperware....Baking him brownies and sending them to his job...cleaning his house while he is watching football.  Doing his laundry. Buying him new underwear.  Driving his pets tot he vet, picking up his dry cleaning....omg the list is endless. Unless this man IS your boyfriend, and you ARE committed (you met his family, you have some clothes in his dresser or closet, you've vacationed together, you've driven his truck on many occassions) YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND....SO DON'T BE THIS MAN'S WIFE.  He has to earn that. To get that part of you, that special grace that is a woman, he must earn it. It's not rightfully deserved because he has the penis.....

Do not buy him things for his home.  Don't buy a plant, potpourri, candles, prety little soaps, a new bathmat....STOP. Do not spend money on this man and set up house.  The only reason women do this is to leave their mark so other prospective females will know this man has a girl....If you think this man likes it, you're wrong. /As soon as you leave, those pretty little bath soaps are hidden, and the plant will eventually die because you wont' be around anymore to water it....Save your money and your energy!  Wait until this is official before you do anything. And before you do, ASK! 

Don't call or text or email him constnatly when you haven't heard from him in over a week. Have some dignity and don't chase this man.  If he is truly interested in you and is really overloaded with work, etc, he will contact you and apologize and make it right.  If he isn't interested, your texts, calls and emails are going to be ignored, they aren't going to make a differnce. You're not going to change his mind...So save yourself the humiliation.

Don't lend a potential boyfriend money.  If this guy has mistakenly left his wallet home and discovers this after he's already pumped the gas, then okay, I get it. But if he is asking for a car payment, rent money, or new veneers for his teeth...tell him to ask his mother.  Never take care of a man financially that hasn't put a ring on your finger, and even then, it's questionable lol

Do not become the woman he wants.  If he likes the earthy type who camps and hikes etc, and you are the type of girl who takes a taxi to your mailbox, then don't pretend to be a rock climber.  Because it's really shitty to misrepresent who you are, and should he fall in love with this woman you are feigning being, he will surely resent it later when you tell him you sold hte camping gear. Do not pretend to be what he wants, or what you THINK he wants.  Do not drink tequila when you really want coffee.   Do not fake who you are in hopes of winning this man. You will be exposed, and what you're doing isn't fair. You wouldn't like it done to you.  Be honest. If you aren't a big one on outdoor activities tell him you will TRY it.....but don't pretend to be experienced in things you aren't.  Don't tell him you love country music when you want to rip your ears off everytime you hear it.  Because what ends up happening is you're dragged to go see Garth Brooks at the county fair and wearing shitkickers....

Don't morph into him.  Have your autonomy.  Be a separate individual before you become a couple and even after.  Have your girl time with your friends, enjoy the things you enjoy without worrying that he may not like it.  Don't lose youreself in this guy. Because if it doesn't work out between you, then you feel lost afterwards, and that's when women tend to become obsessive and actually scary....be your own woman.

Dont accept a last minute date . Unless he had to visit a sick relative and said relative dies and free's up his friday, never accept a date after wednesday for a friday.  Yes, there are certain exceptions when he hasn't asked you for a date, is kicking it at home and wants to get a burger with you, and calls and says, "Hey wanna grab something to eat?" that's fine, but still, don't accept lol.....If a man is calling you at 6:30 pm on Friday night for a date, chances are his boys backed out from a night of partying or anotehr date backed out.  You are to simply say, "Oh that's a sweet offer, but I've already made plans....sorry"   This will teach him to call sooner.  And, if he's seriously interested in you, he will then say, "Okay well how about....(insert suggested day and time here)" making a date with you, and reserving your time.....Don't ever accept last minute dates with a man whom you do not have a substantial relationship with.  BOOTY CALL! lol

Do not ignore a hitnt, or red flag. If you are laying in his bed, glowing after the throes of passion and he's saying how he has to get up early in the morning...it means LEAVE.  If you go to dinner and gets a text message and suddenly starts yawning and telling you how tired he is halfway thru the salad, it means, the date is over.  If he isn't calling you back, texting you back, reported you as a spam in his email....this has come to an end. Take the hint and move on...Don't try to find out why, don't humiliate yourself...Let it go.Move on.

The bottom line is self respect and to remember that it is YOU doing the choosing.  YOU are deciding if this man is worthy of the gifts you have to offer, the love you have in your heart, and the honor of your company.  Women love with their whole being. And when you love, you give.  And a man needs to be worthy of all of this, it's not deserved. It's not a sense of entitlement.  If you give all of this prior to commitment, you are lessening your chances of ever having it.  The more you value yourself, and respect yourself, the more he will.  If you settle for morsels, he's sure to feed you crumbs...and you will forever be malnuroushed.....