Ms Lisa M - Articles and Blogs

HOW TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT!

2011-01-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

Getting what you want is easy. It requires only one simple trick. Be honest.

*Be honest with yourself! Know what you want. Be sincere about it. Don't get caught up in what others think you should do, should be, should act, should speak...get caught up in YOU. Know what you want in life, love and from others. Be true to yourself. The key to all doors opening is within you. Never be fake or felonious about what you want. Pretending to like something when you don't. Not doing what you do enjoy because others don't like it. If you want a tatoo, then get one, stop worrying what so-n-so will think. WHAT DO YOU THINK? Write down a list of all the attributes you want in a partner, a job, a friend. Be genuine and don't waiver based on fear of what others may say or think.

*Be honest about WHO you are! Know who you are and be genuine about it. Never pretend to be something you are not just to win something or someone. It never works. Eventually the real you will seep through and others will be wondering what happened to that other person. How would you feel if someone posed as something completely different and when you're knee deep into a relationship with them, that person vanishes, and you're left with someone unrecogizable. We've all been through it, and we have all struggled to figure out "what went wrong?". Nothing went wrong. They were fictitious, not real. And you end up dumbfounded thinking you did something to shift the person. NOPE. They were not being honest. Always be who you are. Never wear a mask to fool others, it robs you of valuable time as you end up miserable in the end trying to keep up the facade. If you are always honest about who you are, you will find those who are like minded, and or compatible with you drawn to you. Being genuine is the best gift you can give yourself.

*Be honest about what you feel! How many times have you said, "Oh, that's okay" when it wasn't? How many times have you said "nothing's wrong" when something was? How many times have you lied and told someone their words or actions didn't bother you, when really you were seething? May I ask why? Why would you not speak up for yourself. As I've said in other blogs, you need not explode. Being diplomtic, fair and acting and speaking with integrity will always get you further than remaining silent or vomiting your emotions all over the place. It's important that you speak your truth, express how you feel and not supress it. You will never get respect if you do not respect your own words, and feelings. You will never get what you want if you do not ask for it. If you fear not getting it, and fear rejection, staying silent will only prolong the time before you are eventually robbed of something you want. How many instances have their been when you felt something was wrong in a relationship, or it was moving in the direction you wanted it to, and stayed silent out of fear the other person would leave you if you spoke up, only to find yourself months, or a year down the road feeling abandoned when they leave anyway? When someone loves you, wants you and respects you, they will respect your words. They will listen. It's only when they have another agenda that you end up disappointed and/or hurt. Staying silent only delays the inevitable. Taking control of your life, speaking your piece and being true to yourself and your desires gets you very far!

*Be honest with yourself about the situation! Seeing a situation in a true light makes it difficult for others to pull the wool over your eyes. Too many times we believe what we want to believe when all the signs are there that something is not authentic or healthy. We tell ourselves how busy our man is that is why he can't call...A phone call only takes a moment, you'd make time for him, wouldn't you? How many times have we made excuses for someone's bad behavior? Have you ever convinced yourself that you were in love yet you walk around crying sad, angry or hurt all the time. Love shouldn't hurt. Love doesn't make you insecure. Love doesn't enjoy your tears flowing every 5 minutes. Be realistic. If there is lipstick on his collar, it's not his mothers. If he hasn't called in 2 weeks, don't blame his job. If he isn't committing, stop listening to others tell you "he's been hurt before"...we've all been hurt before, get over it. That doesn't make someone a commitment phobe, it may make them cautious and a bit guarded but it doesn't make them a player. Wake up! See the situation for what it really is, not what you "believe" it to be. If you've only had one date, don't start fantasizing about the wedding. Stop worrying if he/she likes you, and figure out if you like them before you start printing the invitations. Be honest with yourself about the situation, and the decisions you make, and the action you take.

*Be honest about your limitations! This is actually a huge one. I cannot tell you how many people do not go for their dreams, or head for their goals because SOMEONE ELSE told them they couldn't do it. Never listen to what others tell you that you CAN'T do. You can do anything your heart desires. Some people who give you advice are actually exhibiting their own fear by saying you can't do it. They would never have the guts to do it, and they can't fathom what it would be like to have that job, move to that city, or marry that man will only give you grief. Never listen to others telling you what your limitations are. If there is a will there is a way. If your mind can conceive it, and your heart can believe it, then you will achieve it. Be honest about what may be limited in doing. If time is an obstacle or money, then set a goal for a time table (i.e. by August I will do this...) or set a goal for a budget or savings. If you see a limitation, figure out a way to remove that obstacle, the proceed ahead!

Being honest is the key to everything. If you never lie to yourself, about yourself, to others or reality, you will never have one excuse to make, or apology. You will seldom disappoint others or yourself. You will not create obstacles on your path. Honesty opens doors, and allow light to shine on your own happiness and destiny!

2011-01-16T18:17:00.000-08:00

Not happy? Why Not???

My job as a spiritual advisor is a laborious one. It can be draining and quite heartbreaking at times when clients are stuck in unhappy situations, or simply unhappy within. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all go away. Sadly, I cannot. However, I can assist them with tools they need to turn that frown upside down.

First and foremost it's important to recognize what it is you're feeling. When we're stuck in an angry place, we then turn that anger inward (if we do not express it) and it can turn into depression. It sits, like a weight, in your soul. It festers, and it starts to mesh with everything within. It blurs what reality is, and sometimes we cannot see a way out. Recognizing what it is you're feeling, (i.e. disappointment; anger; resentment; feeling controlled; loss of control; confusion), and acknowledging that it's okay to allow yourself to feel this is the first step.

No one likes to see someone they love unhappy. Those who care for you such as friends, family and lovers may try to tell you to snap out of it or to think positive, and though their advice may be appreciated it can, most times, be quite annoying. If you could just SNAP OUT OF IT you would. No one wants to be stuck in the myre. It's best that you don't try to explain yourself to these people. I say this because there are people that just want to fix you, they want you out of that funk because it makes them uncomfortable, or worried, and when you explain yourself they ALWAYS feel the need to give even more UNWANTED advice. So, thank them for their concern and their assistance and let them know you are aware of it and need some space.

After you recognize what it is you're feeling, it's important to review what has happened that has thrown you off balance. It could be the loss of a relationship, a friendship, a job, finances...the list is endless. But, one thing people don't think of is the "core". The core is what has happened to us in the past. Past experiences we THOUGHT we worked through because we started to feel better, but in reality we never really did, and we've supressed certain things that were unpleasant or we could not change. We learned to live through it, til eventually, it's long forgotten. However, your spirit never forgets. And it can be as simple as a change of season, a scent, a statement someone made that TRIGGERS that old wound and for some reason feelings of despair can arise and lend way to sadness. We don't know why we feel this way. We don't know why we can't let go of that boyfriend/girlfriend. We don't know why we lay awake at night in a pool of sweat with worry. It's just a feeling.

I've had a great many clients obsess over an ex, and worry excessively over finances. This is completely understandable. BUT, the key factor is to figure out what it's triggering in you. Is it you fear being alone? Did it trigger abandonment issues from the past? Are you concerned about losing your home or car? In most instances it triggers our feelings of not being appreciated, having no control, feeling as if you're navigating without a compass.

There are some tools that I've learned through the years that have been tested and are tried and true. If applied and your serious about pulling out of it, these do work. As silly as they sound.

TOOLS TO PULL YOU OUT OF THE ABYSS

1. GET UP! GET OUT! MOVE AROUND! When we fall into a sad state (I hate the word depression) we tend to become lazy and lacadasical. We sit in our PJ's much of the time. We eat canned or processed food because cookinng is just to exhausting. And we watch pointless infomercials waiting for this feeling to pass. It's important that you GET MOVING! Get up. Don't crawl in bed for more than one day. Moving and going out side help to promote your intake of oxygen. Oxygen is needed for new cell growth. You need it to revive. If you sit, unmoving, shallow breathing, you are actually making it worse. As much as it's a pain to get up, do it anyway. Move around. Go for a walk.

2. DON'T DRONE ON AND ON ABOUT WHAT IS WRONG! We all do it. I'm guilty of it and I've made a conscious effort to never do it. We get on the phone. We tell anyone who will listen what that S.O.B. did to us. We seek validation and/or soothing from our friends. But lets be honest. We never believe them when they tell us how amazing we are, so in reality it's futile and pointless. Don't drone on and on. No one really wants to be on the other end of the phone while you list everything that's wrong, and then go into the ailments you have now. Stop. Catch yourself. Saving the droning and bitching for your journal. Paint it on a page. Vent, let it out. Say things you would never want anyone to read. By letting it out once a day on a journal, it's cathartic. But talking about it day after day, and hour after hour, only makes you feel worse. It makes you RE-LIVE those moments, pulling you deeper.

3. CON FRONT THE SITUATION: This is a big one. I have to be honest, most times I've been in the muck and myre and clients have as well, one of the biggest issues is "I should've said this...I should've done that..." It's always, and I mean ALWAYS, a matter of closure. If the sadness is caused by not having closure with an ex, or anyone else, don't sit stewing. Say it. Speak your truth. If you were abused. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you're offended, or been hurt. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you were abandoned. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. Everyone is so afraid to say anything. Everyone has a reason; they don't want to be rude. They don't want to look foolish. They don't want anyone to think ill of them. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OR WHAT THEY'LL SAY AND WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!!! Stop putting everyone else first. You need not go ballistic and snap and call someone foul names. But you can compose an email or even say it to someone's face that you do not appreciate how you've been spoken to or been treated. It's never okay to allow yourself to sit in that mud. Get out of it, pull yourself out of the quicksand, and SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. If you don't you will carry that for months, sometimes years, and you've now created a new trigger. Never fear expressing how you feel. It's when you DON'T express it that it becomes baggage.

4. FOCUS ON THE DO'S NOT THE DON'TS! When I get in a funk, I first thank the universe for all I DO have, not what I DON'T have. We all get caught up in what we lack, and focus on that. Instead, look around at what you do have. You have family and friends that love you. You have beautiful sunsets. You have an awesome pot roast in the freezer. Be thankful for what you have that is tangible. You have a roof over your head, food in your mouth and clothes on your back. Focusing on what you do have is amazing. It changes your entire persepective and it snowballs. What I mean is you will be thankful for (my example) that beautiful candle you have in your bedroom. You then begin to think how you have a great job that affords you the luxury of buying that candle. You then begin to look at the home you've built and the comfort of home....It just snowballs into something wonderful. BE THANKFUL!

5. REALIZE WHEN A DOOR CLOSES A WINDOW OPENS: Sometimes we're too lazy, or fearful to cut things out of our lives that are NOT healthy for us. We stay in a bad relationship because we've invested a lot of time or we THINK we are in love when really it was just comfortable and routine. The universe has a way of shaking things up. We have a kind and loving universe, not a punishing one, as much as everyone likes to think so. And sometimes the universe is sending something so much better your way. You can't see it. You can't believe it. But, trust me, it's true. Look back on every other devastating instance in your life, and how you were actually grateful it's gone now because has it stuck around you may never have gotten to where you are now. THERE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS SOMETHING BETTER AWAITING YOU. And the sooner you pull yourself out of the bad place, the faster you will attain it.

6. BE MINDFUL OF PATTERNS AND TIMES OF DAY! When I got divorced, a divorce I initiated and one I was ELATED to have lol, I never thought I'd fall into a sadness state, ever. I didn't really, but I noticed that each day, around 5 or 6 I'd start to feel a little melancholy. Didn't understand why. Then I realized, 5 O'Clock was when my husband would come home. The house was alive with the kids running around, me making dinner, all of us at the table talking about school, work, etc. I became mindful of it and I began to change the routine. I started making dinner at 4 pm occupying my mind and starting THAT OLD PATTERN sooner in the day, and completely wiping out what "use to be" and replacing it with "what is now". So keep track of the times you are feeling most down. What usually happened around this time? Is it a pattern you established? And switch it up. For some, this sadness comes at bedtime. Feelings of being alone. Buy some new sheets, new PJ's, pamper yourself leading up to bed time making yourself a favorite snack, grabbing a good book, putting on PJ's and making a bedtime routine a nice, pampering ritual. Slather your skin with some wonderful smelling lotion (aroma therapy), lighting a candle. Whatever you enjoy. It's your time!

7. MUSIC! MUSIC! MUSIC! Do NOT put on some sappy "I love my man" song, or a country song that deals with "I lost my car, my wallet and my dog"...it just makes it worse. Turn on a song from high school. "Party Like It's 1999" is my all time favorite. It reminds me of my high school graduation and my foot starts tapping, my body starts moving and before I know it I'm dancing in the living room with my 12 yr old. Yes, the dog looks at me funny, but who cares...I'm having a blast. Music lifts you up...so play it. Dance. And have some fun, damn it!

8. GET A READING ON YOU, YOU, YOU! Don't focus on HIM, HER, THEM! It's all about you right now. Don't ask questions about future love, future job, blah blah blah. Ask, "What can I do to get on my path?" Find out what the core issues are, how to unblock them. How to address future situations that you may encounter. Ask an advisor how to speak your voice. Focus on you. Too many times, and it's totally understandable, a client wants to know what someone else is thinking and feeling. The key is to figure out what YOU are thinking and feeling, focusing on you. Starting over is difficult, it bites, it really sucks, but if you have an outline of what you want to do, and get insight as to how to achieve it, you will get there so much faster.

You've heard it all...."Everything happens for a reason", "Every cloud has a silver lining", "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"...And all those other hokie 70's poster ads...but it's true. You've been gifted with a life, why waste one moment of that life? Why allow burdens to pull you down and make your life so difficult? Start to turn it around. Begin today. It's time to be happy. When you are happy, you exude and ooze joy, which attracts more joy, more abundance and more prosperity. You draw into your circle amazing experiences, people and situations. When you stay in the sad place, you draw in more sadness. Get up...wash the stink off you...and get moving!!!

Love and Blessings,

Lisa

Understanding Readings and Readers

2011-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

READERS ARE PEOPLE TOO

private readings available HERE

I cannot tell you how many times a client, usually a new client, comes to me and assumes I'm all knowing. As if I'm a magick 8 ball that they can shake and get whatever answer falls out. I assure you, that is NOT who I am, and I'm not a production line type of reader. In fact, HATE those kind of readings! Let me explain why...

As an empath and as a spiritual advisor I read energy. I do use tarot to assist me in time frames and also the action of another. However, that being said, my job is to give the messages that come through.

I know that in the age of internet and new technology a client has a plethora of sites and others who are "gifted" who can assist them. The accessibility is immense. However, I am not able to give readings in this manner as that is not how I operate, nor am I comfortable with doing so.

Back in the day, prior to internet and all the other avenues of which to access spiritual advise, a client would come for a reading, sit down, ground and center and then ask their question. As I began the reading, I was alotted the luxury of speaking as the messages flowed. I sometimes ramble as they come in quickly, other times I am trying to read what is before me accurately as it may be a bit fuzzy. The client would sit and listen, I'd either tape the session so they could replay it later, or the client would take notes of importance in the reading. Seldom was I interrupted, and usually the messages came through fast, and accurately. At the end of the reading, or before moving onto another area, I would ask the client, "Do you have any questions, or need clarity on what just came through?" And if they did, we'd address it, I'd go deeper, or we'd simply move forward with the next area and next set of messages.

But, nowadays, due to the high price of per minute charges, a client comes in with a list of questions, doesn't allow me to get all the information, but continually interrupts me as I'm delivering what I have for them. It breaks the flow, it makes me switch gears rather fast, and though I'm able to do it, I loathe it. It wears me out. My energy becomes very aggravated. It feels as if I'm spun in a circle then made to walk in a straight line. I get very annoyed, and aggitated and my energy becomes scrambled and it WILL make me end our session short if it's too much. I usually tell the client, please don't interrupt as I have more messages for you on this question, or please do not jump around like that as it is not good for the flow, and if they continue, I clam up, the messages stop and/or I simply refuse to read this situation.

I do understand that money is a factor in this jumping around. People want all their questions answered, and they may have limited funds. If that is the case, I do understand and sympathize, but in all honesty you are only robbing yourself! I say this because you are NOT getting the entire message, you will then act upon what is given to you. You may feel even more confused after the reading because it was not clear or it was not a full, direct answer. So it is very, very important, PRIOR to your reading to sit for a moment, not allow emotion, fear or any other overwhelming feeling to control you. Sit, ground, breathe deep and become clear yourself. Sit with pen in hand and jot down ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU HAVE...then, if your funds are limited, pick 2 or 3 that are of the most important. If you want to know about your relationship, simply stick to that. And when you go to your advisor, ask them clearly what you wish to know, and LISTEN to what they are saying. If you allow your advisor to speak and allow the flow to move forward, you will not only have THAT question answered, but most of the time she/he will answer questions you haven't even asked yet. If you allow the flow, you get such an indepth answer to each question. Before you jump in with the "...but...and....will..." LISTEN because I guarantee you, if you are getting a reading with me, I will be giving you more information about that person than you ever thought to ask about.

There are key elements to receiving a great reading and getting what you pay for. It's important to be clear about what you want to know. Most times a client is confused and that confusion can cloud your own hearing. When you are nervous, frenetic, upset, depressed, or low energy you are not hearing what is being said, rather you're hearing your fear, and it's very important you listen to what he/she (the advisor) is TRULY saying. A great many clients repeat what I said back to me, and taken it completely out of context and I have to re-explain because their fear got in the way, that is a time waster and money sucker as well. TAKE NOTES...DO NOT ADLIB...If you are NOT clear on what they are saying then state that, and if they are rambling in a direction off topic, end the call. It's important that you know what you want, I cannot state this loud enough.

Secondly, understand that advisors (readers) are people too. We have high energy days and low ones. We have more than one client. We have some that are searching for a better path (I love those clients because they are truly taking control of their own lives and willing to do the work at hand), and there are others going through a very intense and difficult time in their lives and require more attention. So please understand there are days that your advisor may not be available as we need time to rejuvenate and regain our energy. If we are deprived of this, the readings will falter and you do not want that!

WHY I BLOCK A CLIENT

I have blocked certain clients for different reasons, most times it has been due to their beligerance. First and foremost, respect what it is I do. I am 45 yrs old, a single mother, and I've spent over 20 years studying, going to seminars, taking classes, and eating, sleeping and breathing metaphysics and learning how to perfect the gift I have. I did NOT go out and just buy a deck of tarot cards and learn their meanings and open shop. I actually have been empathic all my life, and didn't start to do this professionally until 6 yrs ago. Ethically, I had a problem with doing so. But when I learned more and became more and more comfortable with what I am, I decided to enter this profession to assist and to guide. I strive to empower, and motivate others and teach them the tools to get what it is they want and need out of their lives. My goal was to help YOU...not just to give you answers about your love life, but tools to assist you in not wasting your time on psychic vampires or negative aspects, but to focus on your assets, your goals and yourself. Basically to put YOURSELF first and foremost!

So, when I'm spoken to rudely, or someone starts calling me names, blaming me for another readers bad reading, or trying to bully me during a reading, I care NOT about a rating, I will simply end the call and block you.

Another reason I have blocked some clients had to do with my being able to not help them. They are requiring far too much and/or becoming dependent on a reading or reader to get them through the day. I'm trying to save them money, and I'm also not feeling comfortable with this any longer. I will try numerous times to turn the client around and help them see how unhealthy it is, but more times than not, they don't care, and I, in good conscience, cannot continue with them for I feel it's taking advantage of the situation. Ethically, and karmically, I won't do it.

And, I will be very honest here, others my cringe at me saying it, but I tend to be brutally honest, if I connect with you and I don't like your energy, I feel there is a manipulation or vindictiveness about a client, or I feel they are highly unethical or lack integrity or a moral compass, I will close session immediately and block. I take on energy and THAT is energy I simply will not absorb nor read. If I do not like YOU...I will not read for you. I make no apology. Those clients are few. I think I've blocked maybe 3 in the whole 6 yrs of reading professionally due to not liking a person's energy. It's rare.

So, to recap this never-ending blog for today lol, my best advice is to be clear about what you want in your life, work your questions specifically, take notes and try to remain patient as the advisor begins the reading and flows with the messages. Sometimes an advisors guides or even their tarot or any other form of divination may have messages for you that are MORE important than the question at hand, things you may be wise to listen to. Not every question is answered sometimes, as we are sometimes not meant to give you these answers but a lesson is in store for you that MUST be learned in order for you to evolve. If that happens, where the reader cannot give you a yes or no, then it's wise to ask "what is my lesson?" That may be more helpful.

Love and light...
Lisa

Saying Goodbye

2010-07-01T16:26:00.001-07:00

Letting go of someone we love, or whom we had our "hopes" pinned on, is never an easy task. In fact, it's quite ardenous. It is riddled with angst, pain, sorrow, and doubt. And it causes us to have restless nights, and anxiety filled days. We walk around in constant thought as to WHAT to do. IF it was the right decision. And, most common, WILL he/she come back?

What many people don't realize is we DO need to mourn the loss, as we would a death. For it is a death. The death of a dream, hope, and potential.

What I find with many situations that aren't working and needing to be purged is we seem to hold onto the "potential" of the person/relationship. We've been blinded by the beginning of the relationship, as if this were truly the person they presented themselves to be, when in reality it was merely their representative.

We replay those first few months over and over, and we romantisize them from infatuation and illusion to reality and stability. That is not the case, I assure. Whom you meet, and whom you've been dating for the last 6 months, is not truly who this person is, nor is it truly who you are. We always put our best foot forward. We become the people we "aspire" to be. And when we enounter those first few twinges of chemistry we're high on dopamine and endorphins, putting us in a good mood, making even the most stressful situations in our lives, less tedious and aggravating. We are more at peace. We are more willing to compromise. Yet, 6 months later, when the endorphins have settled we become who we originally are.

What happens to most people when they are ending a relationship is they get stuck in those first few months. The focus on how he/she "use" to do this, or "use" to do that and how "good" it was. We all stay a little longer in a relationship than we should when things are going awry and there is no communication or resolution, and it becomes increasingly worse.

Women tend to over-compensate. They become less vocal, supressing their concerns and siliencing their voice in an attempt to "save" the relationship. When, in reality, supressing and silencing is only going to lead to resentment and shoving down important concerns. It's only through communicating that we find resolution.

But let's fast forward, you realize the relationship is not working and you start to think about either giving an ultimatum, or making threats, using silence to punish, or playing games. I will tell you straight out, NONE OF THESE TACTICS WORK! What happens is it causes more stress in the relationship and has you hyper-viligant and always aware of "things" going on. It leads to obsession. Your imagination starts running rampant and what you set out to do is actually backfiring.

Utlimatums do NOT work. It makes the other person feel controlled, even pushed, into making a decision they may or may not be ready to make.

Playing games, even worse, because it leads to confusion sending out mixed messages and returning to you the same mixed feelings, and then the wondering if they, too, are playing a game.

Silence is just combustable. When someone is ignored or dismissed as form of "setting boundries" without explanation as to why they begin to stew and eventually their frustration erupts in anger and will inevitably make the situation worse.

Too many problems and abrupt endings in love are usually caused by the above-referenced. I see it time and time again. Once you start the ball rolling in game playing and these other tactics the relationship is doomed. It's important to be honest. Honesty with the self is the key.

BEING HONEST

You realize the relationship is making you feel worse instead of better. The person you are involved with is not fulfilling your needs, despite you putting your heart and your energy on the line, and you discover that this relationship is not what you had believed it to be. It is important that you sit and ponder what it is YOU want, and realize it is YOU who is doing the choosing as to whom you want in your life. I see so many people worry so many nights regarding whether or not the person they want truly wants them. They obsess over how he/she feels for them, what they are thinking, what they will do, where the relationship is going, but it is rare when they, the person who is in the angst, takes a moment to ask themselves if this person is even worthy of their love and devotion. They've becomed so consumed with why the other person doesn't want them that they start to change into someone they THINK that person wants. UH-OH! BIG MISTAKE. For when you lose sight of who you really are; what you really want; and how you want your life to be, you will then set yourself up for a debilitating relationship that will never truly be worth it's salt.

So be honest with yourself, and I mean brutually honest. Don't make excuses for someone's disrespect of you, bad behavior, or failure to follow through. Look at it in reality, not in it's potential. Seeing someone only for what they COULD be and not what they truly are is detrimental to your heart.

Making the decision is the hardest part, once you make the decision to let this person go, and you remind yourself daily all the reasons why this isn't working, won't work, etc, then the hard part is over. We falter in this step because we are unsure, doubtful and teeter. It's important to MAKE the decision and stand by it.

SAYING GOODBYE

There are a few healthy steps to this...First, tell the person it's over. Now this is normally where we go a bit overboard. Yes, there are some that deserve to hear the bitter truth about how horrible they were to be with and a list of all the repugnant things they did to make you end this relationship, but I will tell you from past experience, once you speak foul words, you cannot take them back. I always think it's best to end a relationship being the bigger person, the more classy of the two of you. Simply put, you tell them face to face (not on the phone, and not on text or email).

DO NOT GO OFF THE BEND. Be simple and to the point. Do not list all the things they did, it has much more of an impact if you say little about their flaws or bad behavior and more about yourself. For instances: "I just don't see a reason to continue this relationship. It isn't what I'm looking for, and I am not happy being here. I don't see this as progressing in the direction I want to take my life, and I wish you well". Now, I know to many of you you're laughing at this, but let me tell you, the mere statment of how it's not working for YOU packs a punch. The other person then starts to wonder "why" and they soon realize you are no longer accomodating their antics and you're focused on your own wants and needs. It's not selfish, it's just how it is.

Now, I know many of you need to throw something, kick something or burn something and this is the fun part. Write it out. After you end things, go home and write him/her a very long winded letter, outlining all the heinous things this person did and how they made you feel. Call him/her every name in the book, insult their mother, their dog, their private parts...whatever it is that you want to say. Now sleep with this letter, reading it each day, and revamping it. You HAVE to purge how you feel, and once you do, and once you no longer care what that letter says, burn it. Go around your home, collect all the trinkets and momento's and put them in a box and tape it up. When you're ready, discard it, or set fire to it. But whatever you do, do not put on a Michael Bolton ballad and sit with wine in hand sifting thru the box and remembering all the "good times". All that does is torture you. So seal the box and put it somewhere dark and scary.

Mourn the ending. That means giving yourself an alotted time to grieve the loss. I usually tell my clients to give it a week. A week of sitting in your pj's eating Ben and Jerry's monkey chunk. A week of staring at your phone waiting for it to ring (please, for the love of goddess DO NOT CALL HIM/HER). A week of crying into your pillow. And a week to just "deal" with it. After that time. Get up, wash the stink of you, and make sure you take care of yourself with hygiene, rest and food. The feelings of loss don't just disappear, but you can then decline your grieving time each day after your initial week to one hour a day to sit and recount what you want. You have to grieve because if you push it down and don't really review what happened, you are sure to either go back to this person, be pulled back in, or find another lover just like them. It's never good.

Many of us, when we end a relationship want the other person to pine, ache and just hurt. And trust me, they do in some form. We all want justice. We all have this secret hope that your absence will be felt and this person who treated us so poorly will WAKE UP and GET IT. Waiting around for that to happen only causes you more pain when it doesn't happen. Justice will prevail. They will reap what they've sown. But for you to sit on the edge of your seat waiting to SEE the results of this is not good. You're only giving this person more power, more attention, and more of you valuable time. You know the old saying, "A watched pot never boils"? Well the same is true in this instance. Waiting and watching and seething will only delay the process....

After you've grieved, vented, and started to heal, a reading is always a great way to start over. Do not focus on him/her, focus on you. Ask your advisor what transitions you're encountering, how to empower yourself, what is coming, what are the obstacles, what is the spiritual lesson involved and where your path is leading. Don't try to throw yourself into another relationship until you heal completely, and until your sadness and anger is gone. Focus on you. Focus on getting on path with your own goals and dreams. Asking your advisor how to obtain your goals and aspirations gives you some balance and something to embrace as you work toward this, and also as you move forward on your path.

In closing, it's important to know that this is all normal. We all go through it, and we all have doubts and also the desire for said person to chase us. But it's a huge turning point for you when you see this relationship is NOT what YOU want and you are releasing it so you can bring someone more positive, uplifiting and secure into your life. You have to clean out the old to make room for the new.

If you are constantly feeding off morsels and crumbs, you will forever be malnourished!!!! Don't settle for only a portion of what you want. Let go so you can call into existence and manifest the love you REALLY yearn for and one that is reciprocal!

Blessed Be, Ms Lisa M

Why We Cheat!

2010-06-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Infidelity! It's painful no matter whom it is happening to. Women feel it. Men feel it. And the betrayal of such acts can shake any foundation to it's core and just level it completely.

If you've ever been "cheated" on you then know the array of emotions which flood through your pores like a damn bursting. You feel it on every level. It causes intense damage to the one being betrayed.

Many people make the bold statment, "If I ever found out my partner were cheating on me I'd be out the door in a heartbeat. That would be IT!" Funny how how those same people end up eating their shoes when it does happen.

When you find your partner has been unfaithful, you would think your first reaction would be to leave, or tell them to leave, and normally, this does happen, but it's not without a great deal of angst. What I mean by this is you have no idea how you will react until this actually does happen to you.

When you love someone with your whole heart, and you trust them explicitly, and you believe the two of you are happy, but you find they have been unfaithful, you go through so many vast emotions your head spins.

Let's run through some of them; disbelief; shock; anger; sadness; insecurity; shame; worthlessness; pain; sorrow; mistrust; inadequacy; fear; jealousy; envy; indignation; numbness; defeat; denial; longing....

Now imagine feeling ALL of those feelings at once, or one right after the other. It's a rollercoaster of emotion, and it consumes your mind and every fiber of your being.

How it starts

There you are. The two of you. Work, money, children, day to day stresses have piled up. There was a time you would both turn to one another for comfort and support, you'd bond through difficult times. But, now, with so much piled on each one's shoulders (She: taking care of the home, children, working outside of the home. He: Carrying the bulk of the finances, losing himself in his work, not wanting to open up and talk) you've found you've grown apart. You both feel it, but you both ignore it hoping it's just a phase. You turn to your friends or family and they all tell you, "This is marriage. Peaks and valleys" and they are right, but it needs to be addressed, not accepted.

Growing apart is horrible. It's lonely and isolating, and usually it happens when people shut down. Now, I am not a male-basher, but, suffice it to say, I do find men shut down first. We women want to address it, we attempt to, but we're either rebuffed or blown off, or worse, we're called paranoid or insecure. NO! We're not! We feel it. We feel it long before men do, and we KNOW where it is going to lead.

When issues are not addressed and resolved, what happens is they pile up. Communication breaks down. We are no longer relating intimately. Over time, and with enough issues mounting, we then fall into a pattern of survival of fittest. Who can outwait who. Who can be more silent.

We then resort to childish antics to get the attention we are screaming for. Women make dinner late or no longer save a plate in the oven for her overworked husband. The husband will start to leave the toilet seat up, leave his clothes laying about, or "forget" to kiss her goodbye before leaving for work. It's a passive aggressive tactic to get negative attention. You would wonder why someone would want negative attention. Well, the truth is, any attention is wanted whether it be good or bad, it's still attention.

Women then shift into the role of "nag". We start to complain about the toilet seat, while he shuts down and rolls his eyes, ignoring her and escaping into ESPN. And before you know it, it's now hit the bedroom.

The bedroom. The one place where no matter how bad the fight, or how much stress has hit you, it was the ONE place that seemed unaffected. Or was it really? Do not make the mistake of thinking because you're still having sex that you're still "making love" because you are not. Sometimes, most times, couples still continue to have sex even when things are falling apart as a way of being close, having that intimacy, or, well, probably, for sexual gratification and release. It does not mean all is right with the marriage just because you have engaged in some crazy, monkey sex. It means that desire is still there, but for what reasons? What has ignited this? Women seem to feel sex will bring the couple closer. But a great portion of the time a woman, after sex with her estranged or non-present husband, will actually feel much worse. She'll feel more ignored. And usually this is when she wants to discuss it. The time for a serious discussion about the marriage should never be done in place of pillow talk. The last thing a man wants to hear after sex is, "What are you thinking?" This annoys EVERY MAN...so ladies, don't do it.

Now, the two have grown apart. They are barely engaged in conversation any longer other than talk about the bills, the kids, the family reunion next month, etc. The intimacy is non-existent, and both are lost in their own world. Men have shut down. Women have become obsessed and/or insecure about their spouses love. It's just a breeding ground for infidelity on BOTH parts.

Women are more apt to suspect their partners of cheating. In fact, it's the FIRST thing we suspect when communication and sex breaks down. Men, eh, a little slower on the uptake. Call it ego, arrogance or ignorance, they simply cannot imagine their wives having desires outside of the marriage. They become clueless.

Why men cheat!

Okay, I admit it, there are those men who like "variety". These men are the ones that can have the perfect spouse, perfect life, little if any stress and still want to conquer women. They are the womanizers. These men don't just hook up with various women just "because". They do it because they base their masculinity and virility on the amount of their conquests and the amount of women they've bedded. Every single man, womanizer, who does this is suffering from insecurity. They come off as arrogant, confidant, way too sure of themselves and pompous. This is a mask. It's to cover how truly inadequate they feel. Remember that.

But I'm talking about the husband. The everyday Joe who gets up, trips on the toy truck as he makes his way to the shower, goes to work in his mini van, and is cheating! The reason why "Joe" cheats.

A man wants to feel powerful. He wants to feel desired. He wants to feel as though HE is the MAN and wants you to see him with unjaded eyes. He doesn't want to be made to feel like a failure. He wants empowerment as much as women do, and he wants to know his value.

Now, in every single relationship on this planet, there comes a time when couples fall into a pattern. I'm not saying never tell your husband he forgot to get the garbage cans, or rant when he leaves the toilet seat up. What we forget is that the person on the other end of the nagging and ranting has feelings too. Yes, even men. I cannot tell you how many times a husband or boyfriend has come to me telling me how their woman makes them feel like a child. Speaking to your spouse in a demeaning, condescending way always makes them feel inadequate and if done enough times, they too, start to believe they are. They start to feel they are falling short, they are severely flawed and they shut down. Men do this constantly.

When you see your partner starting to shut down; not fighting back, not defending themselves against your critisism, not engaging in anything, it means either their spirit has been debiliatated or you've said it so many times, in so many ways, that they've tuned you out and closed down. This is a huge warning sign!

A man who feels "less than" will show this in his every expression. He seems broken, or even lost. He falls silent and it's almost like a beacon to other women that this man "needs" something. It always starts the same. The secretary in his office asks him if he's okay, or what's wrong. Or a customer of his notices he's no longer smiling, and offers him some lemonade and dialogue. What the "other woman" does is focus on HIM. She asks about his interests, she listens intently, she laughs at his jokes. The other woman is making him FEEL important! THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENS. Yes, she is seeing in YOUR man all the things that you see, but isn't dealing with his indifference because he hasn't shut down on her. He is TALKING to her. She is LISTENING. And BAM there it is!

Why Women Cheat!

Women never think they will cheat. We are not built that way. We actually don't plan on it. Yes, you will get the occassional vicious woman who wants to get back at her man for whatever he's done, and wants to hit him where it hurts. Again, this kind of woman is also insecure and using sex as a way to mask her own feelings of inadequacy. This is never about the man, this is about how she chooses to deal with conflict in her life. She runs from man to man in an effort to "feel" period!

I'm talking about "Sally". The woman who is overwhelmed with working outside of the home, then sitting and helping the kids with homework while making dinner and doing 10 loads of laundry, all the while working on her business proposal for work. The woman who's needs are severely neglected. She eats cold dinners because she's cutting everyone's meat, including her husbands, she drinks cold coffee because she was on the phone with the PTA fundraiser donating 300 cookies to the bake sale, and she collapses into bed every night only to get pawed or, worse, ravaged at 2 a.m. by her husband who is feeling sexually neglected. Sex has become yet another chore for her. Shaving her legs is 4 minutes out of her day that she just can't spare. She's exhausted, and she's neglected. She needs help.

This woman has bitten her tongue. And her husband thinks she's nagging about what he hasn't done around the house, but what he forgets is when it all started, his falling short with his chores, she did "ask" politely. She did "remind" him tenderly. It's only after 4 yrs of him blowing her off and her becoming suffocated by all the duties that she has not snapped a gasket.

These women are NOT shrews. They are tired. They may ask you to pick up your clothes, but that is because they are busy doing 40 other things that men seem to think get miraculously done by some mythological fairy who waves a wand and POOF the laundry is folded, ironed, hung up, or placed in drawers. Sally is tired. And yes, she is sexually frustrated too.

She daydreams. She use to be a rebel. It doesn't help that her husband has pointed out how she is "no fun" any more. It angers her when he reminds her of how "wild" she use to be. She remembers, trust me. She remembers vividly. But she is now a wife, a mother, an employee and she has to be responsible. No one knows better than Sally that she is no longer Sally. She is running on auto pilot. She is ignored, neglected and just dismissed. She is catering to everyone's needs and with whatever energy Sally has left, she finds time to bathe if she's lucky. So when her husband stops with the compliments, and stops with the nuzzling, and resorts to indifference and silence, Sally becomes more withdrawn, and more angry, and her luster has tarnished. And THIS is Sally's breeding ground for disaster!

This is when the contractor building her husband's deck, or the electrician fixing the blown fuse steps in. He smiles at her. He compliments her. He shows her a little attention. And what is tragic and very sad is THAT is all it takes, a LITTLE attention. You'll notice Sally starts to wear lipstick when the contractor is coming over. She leans against the wall talking to him about his work. She's showing interest in what he does, and he, in turn, is making her feel desired again. They exchange glances and you notice Sally found the time to shave her legs again...uh uh...look out! She's buying nicer lingerie. She is humming while folding laundry, and she's no longer nagging her husband. She doesn't nag any longer because she's floating on cloud 9 and sexually satisfied and those mundane annoyance no longer really annoy her. SHE DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE!

Cheating happens with both men and women. It's not isolated to men only. It doesn't mean they are a bad person. Cheating is NOT the reason your marriage/relationship fell apart, it is a SYMPTOM that the relationship is falling apart. It's something that happens when someone in the marriage is not having their needs fulfilled or they are feeling inadequate, insecure or undesired. It's a symptom of feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. It happens when blame is put on the other person, or not addressing issues in a respectful way. It happens when all communication has resorted to fighting and name calling. It's when you forget you LOVE the person and become their opponent. Cheating happens when someone feels they are wrong all the time.

It's important to understand men and women BOTH need to feel appreciated. Both parties need to be seen as people, the people you fell in love with. Not a paycheck, not a maid, not a room-mate.

It's important to have time to yourselves, away from the house, away from the kids. It's important to reconnect, and it's imperative you address this before the fighting, or worse, the silence sets in!

Why he left you for me!

2010-06-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

Why He Left You For Me….(fictional tale of a mistress, don't anyone think this is me lol)

First off, I am NOT a home-wrecker, nor am I a whore. I’m not white trash, nor am I a drunk, drug addict or tramp. I did not steal your husband. I am his mistress, yes…but, most importantly, I am who you were when he fell in love with you. My, oh, my, how you’ve changed. You don’t see it, do you? Seriously? Well, then, let me outline it for you.

I smile when he comes through the door. I light up like the fourth of July. Here he is. This beautiful man walking through the door is here to see me! I run to him and wrap my body around him and kiss him passionately. Just his chest pressed against mine makes my heart beat faster, and my palms sweat. I tell him how I ache for him and how he’s the most handsome, most powerful, and most important man in the world. He feels like a god when I whisper this in his ear. And he calls me his baby. I’m in heaven.

Do remember when YOU use to do that? You would run out to the garage before he even got out of the car and waiting, anxiously, for him to exit. You weren’t in the house fuming because he didn’t take the dog out before work. Those hugs and kisses you once gave him upon his arrival home have now been replaced with you nagging about how he didn’t bring the garbage cans in, before you’ve even said hello. Remember when you were actually happy to see him, and expressed this, and he, in turn, greeted you the same way? Remember how that made you feel?

As he sits on my couch clicking through the sports stations, I say nothing. I have no desire to watch TV, he can watch what he pleases, just his being in the same room is enough for me. If he’s happy, I’m happy. I can watch TV later. I throw my legs over his and curl up next to him and let him educate me on what a quarterback is, or how many homeruns were hit in 1812. He likes to share his interests with me, and I like to hear what interests him. It may not be my cup of tea, but my “knit one, pearl two” conversation isn’t his cup of tea either, but he listens to it. It’s give and take, and he’s only too happy to give and receive.

Remember when he sat with you at the vet’s office when you’re dog was sick. He hugged you and comforted you, and even sat up with you all night until the dog was better? Remember how you sat with him all night when he was worried about cut-backs at work and you listened as he vented, trying to soothe him, and telling him it didn’t matter, as long as you had each other, and empowering him telling him he was too good for that job anyway. Now, when he worries, all you seem to do is worry about the money and not about how he feels about it. You make it worse by hounding him and then chastising him for not making more money, and stressing him out even more, leaving him feeling like a failure when you tell him you won’t support him if he loses the job, and he better find another one.

After watching the game, I then start dinner. I make his favorite, that fabulous Rib-Eye steak and loads of mashed potatoes smothered in gravy. He devours it as if it’s his last meal. I don’t nag him about his cholesterol level. I don’t remind him he’s not 22 anymore and point out how he’s getting soft around the middle. I don’t tell him to go brush his teeth because the onions are foul. He is perfection in my eyes. Remember when he was perfection in yours?

He starts to talk about the mountain of debt he’s under and how worried he is in this economy. I listen. I rub his shoulders and his neck, and remind him of how successful he is, and how everything happens for a reason. I remind him he is a great provider and money isn’t the most important thing in the world. I teach him how to see value in life, and love and I show him by leading him to the bedroom…

Remember when you made love together because desire was so strong you didn’t care where you were, or who might catch you? Remember when you shaved your legs and wore sexy lingerie. But he made the mistake of telling you how cute you look wearing his old shirt to bed and haven’t stopped wearing it since, and abandoned all black lace, and silky baby-dolls, other than on special occasions. Remember when you cared how you looked? Remember when you’d snuggle up to him in bed, but now “it’s too hot” and your wayyyy over on your own side? I know…I know…You have kids, right? Well, guess what..so do I.

As I said, I’m not the vixen you think I am. I am just like you were at one time. I am the woman that adores this man. I am the woman you were that appreciates him, makes him feel wanted and powerful. I am the woman you use to be who listens to him and pleases him, and he in turn pleases me. I comfort him. I soothe him. I give him gratification. And, he aches for me.

You want to know who I really am? I’m the woman who lost her husband to a woman who did all the things I once did…I’m just like you!

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WHY SHE LEFT YOU FOR ME!

Women cheat too, and I'm just the lucky bastard that saw what she needed and slipped in right under your radar. It didn't take much. All I had to do was appreciate her. I am the man that you WISH you could be, the man you once were when you first started courting her. I've learned that I should always compliment my woman, and give her that attention she needs. Because if I keep taking my girl for granted, there will be some guy, some player, some lonely man who see's her value and snags her from me.

I'm the guy who recognizes she got her hair cut and colored and I'm the one telling her how she looks amazing. I notice when she isn't smiling and I ask her why, and I listen to her reason, then comfort and soothe her. Remember when you did that? Remember when seeing her cry broke YOUR heart? Remember how she lit up when you gave her that teddy bear you won for her at the carnival. She still has it, ya know. She still remembers those days and while you lay sleeping, another night of ignoring her, she stares at you and wonders what happened, why you lost interest. She blames herself. Did you know that? She blames aging as the culprit, or her own sexual prowess. Your ignorance is making her feel insecure.

I'm the guy that makes HER dinner, AND does the dishes. I smile as she eats, knowing she feels pampered and catered to. I slip a gift under her napkin. An old silver locket she had been looking at when we visited a flea market. She never said she wanted it, but when she held it, she told me her grandmother had bought her one just like it and she lost it during 7th grade summer camp. I listened. I watched her face, and her eyes well up as she stared at that locket. I want her happy. I bought it. She wears it now all the time, not caring if you see it, but knowing you wouldn't notice it even if you did. You're so stupid she could tell you that you bought it for her years ago, and you'd never remember anyway. That's how much YOU pay attention to your woman.

I light a fire and we snuggle together, and I kiss her. I kiss her for hours, running my fingers through her hair. Of course I desire her, but she loves to kiss, and I'm not going to rush this moment. I'm going to savor every second with this amazing woman before she has to leave me to go home to you. Remember when you use to kiss her passionately? When was the last time? When was the last time you held your woman, kissed her, caressed her and didn't expect sex? When did you stop wanting to seduce this beauty and just go in for the instant gratification? Can you even recall?

We then make love. I know each spot that touches her senses and makes her respond. I know how to please her as I don't only listen to her needs, but I'm in tune with her body. I'm connected. You disconnected a long time ago. She melts to my touch, and to be honest, I'm not the best lover at all, and I'm not an adonis by any means, when you meet me you'll wonder if your girl is on crack, but...she see's me as an adonis because I'm good to her. That's all a woman really wants. She wants to feel desired, loved, appreciated and valued. It's not really all that physical with us, it's emotional. And a smart man knows that for a woman to have great sex, she has to be engaged with her mind. The greatest sexual organ is the brain, remember that for your NEXT wife, dude.

I'm the man that walks her to her car and watches her drive off, standing in the rain or even the snow, and I insist she text me when she gets home to make sure she arrived safely. Not you. You're already asleep and smiling because that nag was out of the house, but if you only knew what she was doing, you wouldn't be so smug.

She climbs in bed next to you, wearing MY t-shirt....MY locket...and doens't bother to shower my scent off of her body. She wants it to envelope her. She wants to get caught. She wants out. She wants to be with me. She slips into a deep sleep, dreaming of our next encounter and she smiles upon waking when she rolls over, grabs her cell and I text her, "I miss you"....That's who I am!

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart

2010-06-23T14:40:00.001-07:00

THE WISDOM OF A BROKEN HEART

Why is it that we always seem to learn the greatest lessons through pain and heartache? When has anyone learned or retained a lesson’s meaning during a happy time?

We do recognize those wonderful times in our lives with gratitude and appreciation, but those “happy” feelings are fleeting. How quickly we forget, huh? We don’t truly “remember” those times as much or as profoundly as we do the memories that are riddled with pain and angst. Why is that?

Well, let’s take a look at it. When we are happy we don’t seem to obsess about said happiness. We live in the moment, we allow it to envelope us like a warm blanket and we accept the moment with a welcoming embrace. However, when we are met with a challenge, pain, tears, or turmoil we tend to obsess over it, trying desperately to “get out of that moment” and fix it or quickly abandon those feelings. We don’t want to feel bad. We don’t like pain. We do everything we can to avoid it and evade it, and by doing so our focus becomes all about THAT moment. So, we retain it. We remember it fiercely and with great clarity. I bet each person reading this can tell me what color shirt they were wearing the first time their heart was broken, but they can’t tell me what color their shirt was the first time someone gave them a compliment, or the first time someone said a romantic “I love you”.

When we have an altercation, disagreement, or argument, we can remember with fine tune clarity the foul things that are said to us, or the anger that wells within when someone says something offensive or insulting. We think about it over and over and even years later it can bring a grimace to your face.

What seems to happen when we experience pain and turmoil, and obsess about it is we retain everything about it. We’ve analyzed the situation over and over coming up with new answers to our own internal questions, trying to work out a “game plan” and even anticipating or next move. It’s like an intricate game of chess and we must compartmentalize our feelings, thoughts and actions. It becomes a three step process dissecting it into the smallest of details, thereby seeing what needs to be done, or learning through trial and error what worked and what didn’t.

But, let’s look at heartache. Heartache is one of the biggest emotions that solicit change. What I mean by “change” is we either learn to work through the situation to attain a goal, or we learn that it’s time to walk away. We learn to self soothe. We learn compassion for others. We learn what it’s like to make choices, whether they are good, bad or indifferent. We learn how to heal, or we learn how to express or suppress anger. It’s through heartache that we gain wisdom.

Heartache assists us in learning WHO we are. HOW we deal with it. WHAT we can do. And WHERE we should be, or go. We don’t always follow our internal compass that leads us to the optimal place, but it’s through each heartache we experience that we fine tune our intuition and learn to listen to our guides.

In my own life, I’ve had the same things happen, or appear over and over again, and even someone such as myself, who has learned all the tools to bring happiness and joy in my life, I still miss the signs and I still have to ponder the lesson. I still question the god(s) with “Why me?” and I still obsess over a painful situation, and I consider myself quite in tune with my own intuition and internal compass, yet the message sometimes, is all but lost on me. I find, when I ignore those messages or lessons, the same situation arises. It may be with a different person, or a different situation, but the pain I feel, or the turmoil and confusion is all the same.

When a lesson, or situation is constantly returning to your life, it’s a clear indication that the lesson from previous situations was either not learned, or not recognized and dealt with. It’s what I call the “cleaning out the closet” syndrome. You cannot continue to pack things in an overstuffed and extremely unorganized closet and expect it to fit perfectly. There must be some cleaning and purging.

Spiritualists and Re-Incarnation experts tend to believe and educate that we will continue the lessons in THIS life that we did not complete or learn in the last life.

Psychiatric and Behavioral Specialists believe that all pain and stumbling blocks and how we deal with it has to do with conditioning in our childhood and adolescence.

I believe it’s a combination of both. I believe there are lessons, people, circumstances that we carry over from past and previous lives and bring into this life to recognize and clean up, and learn from, and through our childhood, the conditioning by our parents and society either gives us valuable tools that assist in us learning these past lessons quickly, or make us severely handicapped emotionally and mentally so we struggle.

In the months that follow, I will be offering a 6 week course, and even a weekly article dedicated to this particular topic, “The Wisdom of the Broken Heart”. And it will be a dramatic and extremely challenging course for the participant. There is a process here, and I will break it down in simplistic terms for now, and will get into this extensively when the course is being offered.

1. PAST LIFE REGRESSION AND ANALYSIS: This will be an in-depth intuitive profile of the past life lessons missed, or repeated. Why you did not retain them, and how you have chosen to avoid or evade them, thereby bringing them into this life.

*A WORD FROM AZZRIAN VISIONS AS SHE WILL BE CONDUCTING THIS PARTICULAR PART OF THE COURSE:*

In the past life regression portion of your six week journey we will unlock the past.

I will do a full past life regression on your behalf - a 150.00 value.

In the regression we will find the root source of your problems in your past lives that directly relate to obstacles in your path in this life.

We will unravel the ties that bind you to repeating past mistakes, find the hidden reasons for current life path fears, find what causes you pain, loss, suffering, sadness and misunderstandings in your life today.

Then we will discuss how to overcome those blockages so that we can free you from repeating the same path both in this life and lifetimes to come.

Not only do we discuss this but I will formulate a direct plan of action for you to undertake so that you have an active role in your release from these conflicts.

This portion of the journey involves email communication and an online live chat session to communicate with each other about the plan of action.

Email support is always provided.

Here is an outline of what will happen:

1. We will exchange emails with each other. We will address your current path and obstacles.

2. A past life reading will be done on your behalf.

3. You will receive your past life reading, have time to read it over and absorb it, then reply with any questions or comments. You will receive a reply from me and we will clear up any questions you may have.

4. I will study your past life regression and find the connections between your past lives and your current path. I will outline the course of action needed by you to understand, acknowledge, accept and let go of the past.

5. We will meet via live chat to discuss the regression and all of its connections, meanings, and reasonings. We will have time to address any remaining questions and fears. We will discuss your course of action and you will be given a clear understanding of what you need to do.

6. You will go forward to carry out your plan of action and prepare for the next step in this journey.

*******************************************

2. Behavioral Conditioning: How your childhood has hindered or helped in the way you process information and your actions (or reactions) to situations, trauma, or negativity thereby becoming an obstacle in your life and relationships.

3. Lesson Plans: Designed for each client which will start to re-condition you and assist you in learning new tools and methods that help you recognize sacred signs and messages that will detour a great many poor choices, mistakes and bad decision making.

4. Exercises and Affirmations: Which will re-ignite your own intuition, assisting you in bringing more joy and balance to your life.

5. Learning to Let Go Workshop: This will assist you and teach you the tools you need to stop obsessing, to learn how to have faith in yourself and remove self doubt which also includes self sabotage.

6. Weekly Chat: This is where we discuss as a group the roadblocks you are encountering as you progress forward with this 6 week course, because as we progress and as we clean out the closets, we will find more mess underneath each pile. You will be able to vent and to purge your frustration and even express your joy with others who are in the same boat as you and through discussing these things will learn more tools to assist in your spiritual evolution.

7. Weekly meditation sessions: We will personally design mediations for you that are specific to the lessons you need to learn and embrace. Each step is tailored to the individual client.

In learning how to listen to your own intuition and how to read “sacred signs” that the Universe/God/Goddess/Higher Power is delivering to you, it will, amazingly, teach you your next step, avoid pitfalls, learn to recognize what is the right path for you. You will no longer doubt what you say or do. It will empower you and support you and your own spirit.

The most detrimental aspect of a person’s character is self doubt. It makes us do the dumbest things, make the poorest choices and limits our joy. We all want abundance, prosperity, love and success, and we can all have it. But, first, we must recognize and acknowledge that which we have not completed, abandoned and given up on. We must stay diligent in our own spiritual path, and we must find a way to release the negative and bring about change in the direction of a successful life filled with more joy than you can imagine.

The more joy you exude the more joy and great, positive opportunity comes to you. It’s the “rich get richer, the poor get poorer” syndrome. When you shift, and change and flow with transition instead of fighting it, you will find you are going to attract more of what you want and less of what you don’t want.

SPECIALS ON READINGS/SPELL CASTING

2010-06-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

SPECIALS FOR THIS WEEK ONLY!!!!

In celebration of our summer solstice, I will be doing my ritual work to bring about newness in life. For those seeking positive change and to draw in more love, abundance and clarity.

The work I'll be doing is centered around manifesting all that we desire and all that we seek in our lives. Whether it be love, or peace, or just answers. With positive energy flowing and swelling and enveloping us, it brings about change quickly and desires move in a swift and positive manner.

RELATIONSHIP HEALING

Is your relationship chaotic, stagnant and feeling as though it's one struggle after another? Are you feeling things are falling apart? Are you wanting better communication and clear answers? The ritual work I will do will provide all of the above and open the door to more opportunity for growth in a stagnant relationship.

MONEY

I will be creating a "wheel" with 12 spokes all holding a dollar bill and doing financial abundance work for the next consecutive 7 days. I only have 7 spots left with the wheel. This is a powerful spell that will be done again when the moon enters taurus roughly 20 days from now. I will also construct more wheels for those who are desperate for some money flow to come in and to hold onto their money if it's going out as fast as it's coming in.

SELF GROWTH

If you're seeking to change the way your patterns have led you to an unsatisfactory place, I will also be doing ritual work that opens up your own spiritual clarity, and assists you in clear choices, and right decision making. Removing self doubt and self sabotage and changing your negative patterns into positive.

EMAIL READINGS REDUCED

Normally my email readings, which are quite in depth, and lengthly and very conscise when outlining the obstacles and also the assets that circle you are usually $125.00, I have reduced them due to the soltice to $85.00. If you're interested, in any area of your life you wish to explore and seek guidance, please see the "contact tab" at the top of this page and contact me through email OR add me to your yahoo messenger lisam200512 and I'll be happy to assist you.

TWO (2) QUESTION INTUITIVE READINGS

Interested in a reading concerning a certain area of your life, and wanting clarity or even if you want to know how the one you love is feeling, what they are thinking and what they will do, I can assist and reduced my fee to $30 and won't be charging "by the minute" for the time given to your two questions.

***I OFFER MANY SERVICES AND I AM VERY GENEROUS WITH MY TIME AND HIGHLY ACCURATE WITH THE MESSAGES GIVEN. I DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME AND A READING WITH ME WILL LEAVE YOU FEELING EMPOWERED, MORE IN CONTROL, AND EXTREMELY MOTIVATED TO GET WHAT IT IS YOU WANT, DESIRE AND ASPIRE TO HAVE OR BE****

Offering Spell Casting for The Full Moon

2010-06-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

I will be performing a full ritual for this months (June 2010) Full Moon.

This is a full ritual and this will be a powerful moon. I work with Luna (moon) Magick and do so in full ritual garb. It's especially important as it's the first moon of the summer soltice, Litha.

This is a Strong Sun Moon - Known as Green Corn Moon. This moon is corresponding with Abundance for a green harvest. So my spell work is surrounded upon Abundance, Prosperity and Blessings of good fortune in all areas of life (Love, Family, and Career).

I will be drawing down the moon and it will be a two hour ritual including mediation and skrying. I will also be asking for protection at this time as well.

If you are interested in being included in this ritual work please visit this blog and under the "Contact Me" button email me with your name, the name of those you wish to include and your wish.

*NOTE: I DO NOT CHALLENGE FREE WILL. SO ASKING ME TO BEND THE WILL OF ANOTHER AND TO RETURN LOVERS WHO HAVE LEFT IS NOT SOMETHING I DO. HOWEVER, I CAN OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION, A SMALL WINDOW OF TIME, SO A RELATIONSHIP MAY BE REPAIRED.***

The fee will be $20 for you to be included in this ritual and 10 minutes of my time is devoted to focusing on your wish and intent. This is extremely generous and fee is non-negotiable.

Blessed Be,
Ms Lisa M

When is "enough" enough?

2010-06-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

My grandmother once said to me, "In every relationship, there is always one person who loves the other more then he/she loves" and though I don't believe that to be entirely true, I do see what she meant.

How many times have you seen one partner giving and giving and giving while the other sops it up like a sponge and all their needs are met? Too many times to count, I'm assuming.

How many times have you seen someone change whom they are for the sake of a relationship. They silence their voice; they don't speak out against maltreatment; they tolerate far too much, fearful this person will leave them.

How many times have seen someone give up their dreams, abandon their goals and get off their own path following anothers in hopes of this relationship panning out and living a fairytale life in the end?

I cannot stress my next sentence loud enough, love doesn't hurt!

Let's look at you for a moment. When you love, you don't hurt the other person with cruel words, or avoiding issues and spending time together. You give everything that is in your heart, loving the person almost more than you love yourself and making sure their needs are taken care of and not worrying about your own (we're talking about unconditional love at this point, we'll get to the strings attached kind of love later on).

When someone is in love, the last thing they want to do is make another person feel undervalued, underappreciated, and taken for-granted. In fact, you go above and beyond to make sure your partner/lover doesn't feel any of those things.

When you're with someone who continues on with the same bad behavior time and again, not caring this treatment is hurting you, you must then ask yourself, "what the hell am I doing here?".

I need to be completely honest with you, women are more prone to this than men, but men are also guilty of it as well, giving so much in an attempt to get more. Shakes my head vehemently. It never works! For someone who truly loves you and, truly wants to be with you, would be treating you better.

We come up with so many exucses for poor treatment: He's just really busy. He is not an emotional person. He was hurt before and his guard is up. He's just very cautious. He's just not a demonstrative person. The list goes on and on.

My first question to a lot of clients when they are tolerating this kind of indifferent and sometimes painful behavior is "why are you with someone who is NOT giving you what you need?" Normally, when their answer isn't "because I love him" it is usually, "because I know once he trusts me enough, once I show him how loyal I am, he will let his guard down". To that, I say, NO HE WON'T!

Let me dispell some of the common excuses people make for shitty treatment:

HE'S REALLY BUSY

Now, call me stupid, but aren't you busy as well? No one is too busy to text or telephone the person they love. I have yet to meet one person on this planet that does not want to speak to or hear from the person they are in love with. Men love just like women. They do stupid, silly things to show their love. They WANT to see you. They WANT to talk to you. They do not put you off until they have time, in fact, they MAKE time. When someone loves you they always find time for you in some way or another. They may not be able to take you away for the weekend, but they can find the time to text, "miss you" and if they can't find the time to do that, you need to think long and hard if they have time to see you.

Settling for less than you deserve is the surest way to end up a doormat. Not just a doormat, but a booty call. Isn't it funny how this man hasn't the time to return your call or text, yet a week later has found time for that slap and tickle? Hmmm, odd isn't it. Isn't it funny that he makes no apology until his pants are fitting tighter and he needs you for some release? Isn't it odd how he can't meet you for lunch but he can play basketball in the middle of a work week? Odd, huh?

MEN ARE NEVER TOO BUSY TO CALL, TEXT OR SEE YOU. WHAT THAT IS ABOUT IS YOU NOT BEING A PRIORITY. AND IF YOU'RE NOT A PRIORITY, THEN IT'S TIME TO FIND SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU A PRIORITY. END OF STORY!

Excuse #2: He's Been Hurt & He's Scared

Bullshit! We've all been hurt. We're all scared. But if you think about it, when you meet someone new, someone who makes your heart a flutter and isn't it funny how you no longer feel scared? You feel optimistic, birds are chirping, little hearts appear in your eyes, and for the first time in a long time you feel that flush of hope in the air. Falling in love makes you feel alive, it doesn't make you vapor lock until much later, and that is usually when you're internal compass is going off warning you that something isn't right. But, no one, not even a man, treats someone like garbage due to fear. They may not devulge a great deal, or they may move slowly, but they do not treat you poorly. Stop making excuses for his lack of commitment or lack of attention by passing it off that his ex hurt him so badly he's just too jaded to fall in love. That is utter garbage, and that is something women, who are chasing a non-commital man, say to make themselves feel better and to justify their own stupidity in staying with the unattainable.

If a man tells you he's too scared to be hurt, that is just a line. Men don't say stuff like that. This is usually said by a man who enjoys your company, wants to continue sleeping with you, but also wants to be free to explore other options. You are just the BEST option right now. This is the man that sits in a restaurant with you looking around at all the talent he could be with if you're head wasn't in the way. Pay attention, ladies...this man is full of shit!

Excuse #3: He's Just Not Ready Yet!

This is the most honest of all the excuses and one I can respect 100%. Any man that states this is being up front and direct with you. He is telling you he likes you, enjoys the time you spend together, but he's not ready to make a monogomous commitment. The fact that he had the coconuts to be direct should be applauded, and I wish more women listened to the man when he said this and didn't hear something totally different. Men say this, and some women hear, "I'm not ready yet, but I will be if you smother me and fulfill my every need". This is usually when the woman shifts into being the "perfect girlfriend". She brings him lunch, she knits him a sweater for the ski trip he has coming with his boys, and she just weazels her way into his life on every level, doing for him constantly, and thinking that he will fall in love with her, seeing her as irreplaceable and put a ring on her finger.

There is only a few ways this can go...1) he becomes annoyed and he starts to distance himself from her. 2) He actually feels compassion and breaks up with her as he does not want her to get hurt when it doesn't work. 3) He uses her and takes what she offers as it wasn't asked for and dates someone else who has more respect for herself and ends up committing to her instead of you....

There is never a happy ending to this kind of action. What I strongly urge you to do is hear that he is not ready. Accept the casual relationship and don't start fantasizing that "in time" it will change. It won't if you give all you have and all you are in the midst of his non-commital attitude. Simply enjoy the dating, and continue to keep your options open. Don't change yourself in order to win this man, don't give too much, don't offer everything, and don't turn into the girl you THINK he wants. Just let it go. The more confident and relaxed you are, the more likely he will come around, but hopefully, by then, you've already been dating someone else who is committing to you and you can respectfully decline Mr. Non-Commital when he comes around!

One of the most exasperating things for a life coach or spiritual advisor to deal with is a person who is NOT HEARING what is being said, rather, the words get lost in translation and they hear what it is they WANT to hear. It makes me insane, and it makes me a harsh reader, because I am not one to feed your delusion. If it's you I tell you it's you. I don't blame someone else. I will tell you directly to stop it. To hear what he's saying. To stop trying to twist the words he is saying to make them more palatable.

90% of the time, women who are doing this above, aren't really in love. A great majority of those who are heartbroken that come to me, THINK they are in love because what they are feeling is painful, but they are not in love. This is about "why doesn't he want me?" They are taking a persons avoidance or non-commital as there being something wrong with them.

Love is about chemistry. We can't exactly figure out what it is we love about another. We only know how we "FEEL" when in their company. But after years of counseling women/men, and even going through my own brand of obsession, it comes down to "how can you love someone who treats you so horribly?"

Well, we tend to justify the others actions. And, the big one, we tend to blame ourselves for the other not wanting us such as; I'm a bit overbearing; I tend to nag too much; I am too emotional. This list is endless, but the bottom line is your self respect. If you loved and respected yourself you would never tolerate such behavior.

One excersise I like to do with clients involves stepping outside of the relationship to see your own self worth. What I mean by this is I ask them what do they do if they are at a restaurant and the server is very, very rude to them? Do they speak up? How do they feel? I ask them how they react when a parent treats them in a judgmental or disrespectful way? I ask them how they handle someone who cuts in a line ahead of them without apology. If you tolerate injustice and rude behavior in all aspects of your life, the chances that you do not respect or love yourself is great. And if you don't feel those two emotions for yourself, how in the world can anyone else?

What tends to happen is when someone suffers from low self esteem and lack of love for the self, they then look to someone else they admire or aspire to be like and latch onto them, conditioning themselves to believe that is THIS person finds them worthy then they mean something. And in that, they tend to abandon who they are in an effort to "win" this person, and eventually feel worthy...shakes my head, it's a horrible cycle.

So, when a client who is heartbroken and in pain comes to me, and we look at all that is involved, and they answer those questions, we eventually find they are seeking validation. Though to us on the outside, we can see this clearly, the person enveloped in it, is blind to the self sabotage and constant infliction of pain they are doing upon themselves. This person who is rebuffing you and rejecting you is not at fault, for they were waving red flags from their first hello, it was YOU that chose to see only unicorns and rainbows!!!

Esbat: New Moon & Casting

2010-06-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

The New Moon entered last night as Gemini, yet today it's floating in Cancer which is an exceptional time to focus on work (spell work) you plan to do regarding home, family, protection, and security.

New Moons are auspicious times and quite powerful when working on attracting or focusing on new endeavors such as a new relationship or new business.

What is so great about the New Moon is it opens you up and gives you the energy needed to consecrate any implements or tools you are going to use during the waxing moon. The waxing moon that follows is the time to "build energy" (at least this is what I use it for). Think of it as a practice run. The time to plan out what work you will be doing when our Full Moon (the pair moon this time) comes around.

During the waxing moon, I gather all my tools, herbs, implements, candles and oils and I start to annoint and consecrate them. I'm in no rush and tend to think long and hard about what it is I want to manifest. I focus on my intent and raising this energy.

As we shift from the New Moon (lasting roughly 2.4 days) we enter into the waxing phase. It is building into the Full Moon. I take this time, as I said to focus on my intent of manifestation.

CHOOSING MY SPELLWORK: I sit and ponder what it is I'm wanting to bring about. At this juncture I'm focusing on prosperity and abundance in all areas of my life (Financial, Love & Inner Peace).

CHOOSING MY TOOLS/IMPLEMENTS: This is the time I purchase all needed supplies and I do research the best herbs, candle colors and oils to use in my ritual work. Keep in mind, those practicing the Craft need not be bound by what books or articles say. In fact, concocting your own spells is the best way to gain power with the work you do. Believing in yourself and knowing what you know, is really the way to do it. Too many times a dedicant or even the novice witch gets hung up on what a book says. For example; Patchouli is suppose to be potent for a great many spells, I, on the other hand, loathe the smell of it and won't work with it, I then substitute with an herb or oil, I feel, works for me. This is how you learn, and it's also the first step in creating your BOS (book of shadows/ grimoire). Keeping track and logging every process is what you should be putting into your BOS, and sitting back and waiting for the results, chronicling how they worked, manifested, fell flat, or took off is imperative. So, please, to the novice or beginning, do not get hung up on using "devils shoestring" if you cannot find it, and giving up....substitute herbs/oils you feel a connection to. Remember, the key to spell work is your believe and intent, not someone esles, only YOURS!

WRITING OUT MY SPELL: After purchasing the tools I need, I then sit and think about what it is I want to manifest. I then write out a small verse or affirmation (incantation) that I will reflect on, focus on, then use during the ritual. It will be one of the single most important tools you have. For this is your spell. This is what you wish to create. So take your time with this and be clear. Being vague and then doing the ritual work to bring this about will have the universe and the god/goddess you invoke a bit confused. You must be clear in your wish.

I write this on a piece of parchment, and depending on the work I'm doing it will either be recited a few time during the work, or it will be slept with for the duration of the waxing moon, then burned during the ritual.

Annointing and Consecrating Your Tools: I have a habit of using my witches oil or annointing oils. If you need these supplies, please see the recommended websites I have listed on the right side of my page (Azure Green or Sacred Mist). And make sure they are essential oils, not fragrance oils. If you cannot afford or do not have time to order these, fear not...simply grab some olive oil or even baby oil (I use to use Almond Oil that I'd buy at the grocery store, even vegetable oil, it doesn't matter) and bless it and fill it with energy before using it. Then annoint your tools with this.

When I annoint my tools/implements I meditate first and visualize how my spell will go, and then, when feeling in a good, grounded and centered place, I begin to annoint. I sit and have all tools in front of me, picking up each one, closing my eyes and filling each with the energy and intent needed. Mostly I am cleansing them from previous intent or just from them laying dormant and unused. If you purchased anything new (candles) it's very important to cleanse them as you do not want anothers energy on them.

I make the sign of the pentacle and say my own little blessing of each. I tap it three times prior to drain it of unwanted energy and then I pass it over the four elements. I hold it and energize it with the intent. Then I tap it three times to seal it with the new energy.

When I consecrate/annoint candles I hold them sideways. If I want to draw something TO me, the wick faces me and I annoint with the oil from the end of the candle, drawing my finger up to the wick with the oil I'm using. Not going back and forth, just toward me. If I want to repel something, and I"m using this candle, I then push the oil away from me, wick facing the opposite direction. (but that's just me lol).

HERBS: If I'm using herbs for that extra oomph, I then roll my annointed candle in the herbs. You dont have to cover the candle in it, just rolling it so some sticks is just fine. I use the herbs later to sprinkle on top of the lit flame to add more energy and more spark to it.

VISUALIZATION: As the moon is waxing/building, each night before I sleep I recite my incantation and get myself in that magickal place. I visualize, intensely what I wish to bring forth. I see it, I hear it, I taste it, I feel it on every single level. I ask those I'm calling upon to hear me and do my bidding for me.

Sacred Space: On the last day of the waxing moon, I then set up my altar. I get it ready for show time lol....I make sure my altar cloth is clean and blessed. I clean everything around my altar. I have all implements in their dutiful place and I place the candles needed where they should be. I use the elements and I call upon the Guardians of the Watchtower, each witch is different, so do as you please. But the last day of the waxing moon is my final prep time and gives me time to get any last minute things I will need when it's time for me to do my ritual work. I always forget something, so be it lol....

On the day of the spell: I take a cleansing and calming bath and focus on what it is I am getting ready to call up and request. I use oils and herbs in the bath that reflect my intent and I sit silent and start to raise my own power. I do not dry off, I simply wrap a towel around and air dry for the most part letting the oils and herbs stick to me. Then I dress in something comfortable (normally my yoga pants or pj's...ya thought I'd say my hooded cloak didn't you? lol...Nope those are only for my sabbats)....I then sit at my altar....I cast my circle and my ritual begins.

**** It's important to note that the major and most important key here is YOUR BELIEF...YOUR WILL....YOUR INTENT...THAT IS YOUR POWER. You don't need to be a wiccan, a witch or anything of the kind, and I cannot stress enough how much spells DO work. You may not see the signs of it right off the bat, but I cannot stress enough that everytime you focus intently on something you desire, SOMETHING IS GOING TO MANIFEST. So it's truly important, for your own karma and your own integrity and ethics that you perform spell work with perfect love and perfect trust, no malice of ill intent, but pure of heart without viciousness. Yes, witches do believe in justice and we are not beyond sending a little sheeny to someone who has pissed us off, but we do not do so to harm, we simply send back what has been sent to us, and we do so swiftly. We DO NOT challenge free will, ever...

Grounding + Centering = Balance

2010-06-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am as human as each and every one of you reading this, and I will state that I have not been up to par these last few months.

I'm finding a great many people have been feeling as I have. (i.e.; lethargic, exhausted, depleted, anxious and aggravated, unmotivated). What made me take note of myself and others is the way my clients, as well as my friends and family, have been acting, reacting and communicating lately.

As a Wiccan, I take note of energy and fluctuations, and I also know that energy is contagious. I know with the war going on, the economy in distress, and the fear and anxiety swelling from many roaming the planet that this energy does permeate through our core and we cannot help but be effected by anothers emotions and their energy. We soak it up like a sponge, and this can, in effect, shift your own energy from relaxed to anxious within minutes. It's everywhere.

As an empath, I'm especially susceptible to it, and I will admit, I am not the best when it comes to cleaning, clearing and grounding that excess energy.

I started to wonder why, with my extensive knowledge of how to handle excess energy and negative energy from others, why I was being hit so hard, and I realized that I had gotten off path.

When I say, off path what I mean by that is I have not practiced what I've preached. I have not taken advantage of my sacred space; kept up with my journals; meditated daily; and sadly, I've been so busy and bogged down with the stress of the economy lately that I've skimped on the one thing that has always brought me serenity and balance...Wicca!

I've allowed my altar to sit, idle. I have not been giving thanks to the universe for the blessings bestowed upon me. I've allowed my ego to take flight and think that I can fix my concerns by worrying and obsessing about them, focusing on what is going wrong and losing sight of what is going right.

After a long discussion with Azzrian Visions we realized it was time to start shifting this energy, not just so we can assist our clients and family better, but also so we can be more balanced and at peace.

I don't know about any of you, but I know that I cannot run on high octane 24 hours a day, deprive myself of much needed sleep, and not take time to just BE. This blog is dedicated to those who have maybe lost balance and need to get back to their basics.

The Wiccan Way

Many times I'm asked if all Wiccans are Witches, and all Witches Wiccans? The answer is No. Not all follow the same path, and what I love most about Wicca is for those who believe what they believe. In a nutshell, we have only one law...And that is the Wiccan Rede. We guide ourselves by one rule, "And harm ye none, do what ye will". Everything else is subject to what the Wiccan or spiritualist believes. It is not a religion that tells you if you're right or wrong. It's void of judgment. Bottom line: Be a good person.

Wiccan's believe as they believe. This wiccan, me, believes that there is a higher power that assists you anytime you ask. But you MUST ask. I believe that we have the power to shape, and mold and create the life you want, right down to the tiniest detail, if you believe it is already yours. I also believe that when ego comes into play, we mess up the natural order of the universe with our obsessive thinking and self-sabotaging doubts and make even the most pleasurable gifts given to us lose their zest.

GROUNDING + CENTERING = BALANCE

I could outline all the various ways to do this, but who has that kind of time? There are hundreds, if not thousands of ways to do this. I will tell you simplistic ways to achieve this, and what works for ME, hopefully it will assist you too!

Grounding: I stand, sit or whatever, the key is visualization, and I imagine my happy place. Most times it's a forest, but you can visualize a meadow, an ocean, anything. I visualize this place, and I smell the tree's and the dark rich earth under my feet. I feel the cool breeze and I hear the birds. I then take a few deep breaths, eyes closed lost in visualization, and I'm standing in the forest, bare foot, and digging my toes into the earth. I can feel the coolness under my feet. My legs become like tree trunks, and roots are now growing from the bottom of my feet. These roots embed into the earth, digging and shooting downward into the core below me, they anchor me. I raise my arms into the sky and can feel the weight of the world stream out of me. I feel my head get lighter, my neck relaxed, my shoulders less heavy as this icky, black tar, oozes downward, through my body and into the roots and out into the earth. Like a dumping ground for negative energy that will be recycled and cleaned and sifted out, and replaced with positivity.

I then envision the Goddess below me. She is silvery and swimming under my feet, she is full of optimism, positivity and wellness, and she reaches up, after my body has been drained of the negative and replenishes me. Her long finger is inserted to one of my roots and this bright white and silver light begins to fill me, like a glass of water, up through the root, to my feet, to my calves, up my thighs, to my hips, into my belly, enveloping my heart and rising upward until the silver white beam of light shoots through my crown chakra and bringing me into HER place of serenity.

CENTERING: Once I'm filled with this beaming light, and well grounded, I then focus on my solar plexus (the soft spot between tummy and center of rib cage, this is where energy always enters my body as an empathic) and I visualize a small box or door. I see it absorbing only white light, pulling it in through my solar plexus and then, like a linen sheet being fanned out to be placed on a bed, the door/box opens and I practice fanning the white light/sheet outward, then pulling it back in....out.....then back in....I have complete control over it. I open up the chakra and allow it to cleanse and then pull in more and more light.

BALANCE: Once I've grounded and centered I'm then purged of all the "ick" that I've carried, and I am ready to only accept the positive. I am still in my visualization and I then draw the roots from my feet back in. My legs, no longer heavy and anchored, I'm more relaxed. My body, which had become a tree, is now mortal again and I'm feeling rejuvenated. (NOTE: It may take a few tries for you to do this, but with practice you can slip in and out of visualization rather quickly with minimal effort). Give thanks to the universe for replenishing you and then go about your day.

Doing this grounding and centering excersise is a wonderful way to begin your day, or unload the day. Do this whenever you feel frenetic or out of balance.

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

I talk constantly. If I'm not talking to a client, or a child of mine, I'm on the phone with a friend, or family member. There are few moments in my life that are spent in absolute silence, this includes music playing, or the TV always on, noise on the street. Even sleeping I'm not privvy to absolute silence. Silence is important because it gives the mind time to rest. Constant noise makes your brain accumulate excessive chatter that it is, unbenownst to you, sifting through and holding onto information you may not even know you're gathering. It depletes and exhausts you, whether you are aware of it or not.

TAKE A MOMENT: Take a moment during the day to shut off all noise (i.e. TV's, IPods, Cell phones) for at least one hour a day. No noise! Just shut it down.

DON'T TALK: Rest your mind and your voice and take a vow to not speak for an hour. Read a book, bake a cake, clean the toilet, it matters not. But be silent.

SIT IN SILENCE: Go to your sacred space in your home or outside and just sit. I wish I had the ocean nearby so I could sit in the sand and just watch the waves. But I've found going to a play ground and just sitting on a swing is just as cathartic.

You will find, after doing this a few times, you actually look forward to the silence and may even want to extend the time. I've been thinking of "noise fasting" myself. Where I take an entire day of no cell phones, no blogging, no work, no chatter, just an entire day of silence. I'm sure my family would LOVE it if I shut up for a day lmao....

TAKING CARE OF YOU!

Life will not become more balanced simply because you WILL it to be. You MUST, MUST, MUST be an active participant in your change. This means doing some simple things that may seem tedious, but in the long run, will create more balance in your life:

1. Cleaning your space is important. In psychology we learn a clutter home reflects the cluttered mind. Clean out at least one room and get it in order. Dust, mop, scrub, organize. Get everything in check. You cannot "be" if you are surrounded by clutter.

2. Stop obsessing over things you cannot change. Worrying and stressing over that which is not within your power is not going to bring it into existence, nor is it going to fix it. In fact, it makes it worse as obsession and worry are negative emotions. And pondering over and over will only ignite fear, and doubt. By letting it go, you'll find answers and solutions come FAST! It's as if the answer just pops into your head, or mysteriously, the situation resolves itself.

3. Getting some rest is very important. Just like when you were a child and mid afternoon you'd get cranky and mom would tell you it was nap time, this holds true, if not more so, in adulthood. Taking a nap midday is a great way to rejuvnate and rest the body and quiet the mind. Naps are important and replenish what you've burned. They need not be 2 hour naps, but a small 20 minute power nap can truly shift your energy level.

4. Eating well does replenish the body within and it's needed fuel for your active mind or body. You need not eat til you bust, but so many people (myself included) skip meals or forget to eat and wonder why our body clocks are winding down. We then begin to fuel ourselves with those horrid energy drinks or coffee and wonder why we're crashing and moody. Make sure you eat during the day, and snack to refuel. I have frozen grapes in my freezer and some form of banana bread or english muffins. I'm not a big breakfast eater early in the morning or upon waking, and I must always take note to eat, and I'm striving right at this moment to refuel with something good for me. Since it's summer, and fruit is aplenty, I am investing a good chunk of my income into those fruits that going to energize me, and also tickle my palate.

5. Giving thanks and being grateful are powerful tools to help you feel connected. It is a daily reminder of all you've been blessed with and keeps you focused on the bigger picture, thereby bringing more abundance into your life.

GIVING THANKS

I recently went to my nail salon, and while waiting for my appointment noticed in the East corner of the waiting area, on the floor, was a Prosperity Corner. The shop owner stated it's for giving thanks and gratitude for the thriving business and customers were encouraged to place a penny, or a gift if they so desired. In this prosperity corner was a statue of Buddah, and candles and a bowl of fruit offered to whomever they were thanking. Flowers were there also, and other small gestures.

Wiccan's do it, Catholics do it, Buddists do it, and you can do it to. Erecting something, even small and barely candid to the nake eye, as a place of prayer and even gratitude is strongly encouraged and suggested by me. It should reflect what you believe in. As a Wiccan I have my 4 elements present at all times. But due to being raised a Catholic I honor and feel strongly connected to the Blessed Mother. I have a statue of her, and I give her flowers for assisting me every day.

It need not be elaborate, like I said, and it should reflect what you hold dear. (Candles, the elements, religious statues, a plate or bowl for an offering, rosary beads or worry beads, etc). Take a moment each day to clean up this space, dusting it, etc, and then giving thanks. It also helps you to ground and center as you're giving thanks or asking for assistance, and it also pulls your mind and focus to what it important.

Why We Leave Pt 2

2010-06-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

In my blog below I listed just a few of the types of men that women date, but eventually leave. And as I said below as well, women are perplexing, and hard for anyone, even other women, to read. We do change our minds a great deal, and we shift as quickly as the tide. Yet, there are some things that women will tolerate in men, if they see potential, or if the "good" outweighs the "bad".

REASONS WHY WOMEN LEAVE "NICE" GUYS

I know this is one of the most confusing to men. Women complain and cry over never being able to find a nice guy. And when they do meet one, they always leave him for the bad boy or the nice guy ends up shifting from boyfriend to roaming around the friend zone. Let me try to explain what it is that these men are doing wrong.

There is a big, big difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat. Just like I've lectured and tried to educate women on NOT being a wife before you're even a girlfriend, I will lecture the men not to be a husband before being a boyfriend. These nice guys need to find their spine. I cannot speak for everyone, and to be very honest, I'm having a hard time writing this because as I write, I know there are some women that like overly-attentive men who send those fuzzy emails, and cater to her every whim, BUT only when the feelings are reciprocal, and then there are those women that just use men like this, which is really hurtful to those nice guys because they never realize it until they have invested a good chunk of their hearts in the woman, and an even greater portion of their paycheck.

Just like women, men can give too much too soon. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and they are a bit suffocating. I had a client who came to me, and he said:

"I don't know why she keeps avoiding me. We dated for about 6 weeks and it was going great. I took her everywhere she wanted to go. I text her during the day to tell her I was thinking about her. I sent her flowers when she got the flu and even brought her chicken soup. But after I spent the weekend at the beach with her at her family reunion she stopped taking my calls...why?"

Now, at first glance you think "awww" he's so sweet, wish my boyfriend would do all that. Therein lies the glitch. HE WASN'T HER BOYFRIEND...YET! And what the real scenerio was, was much different than the innocent and quite loving gesture you've read above. What really happened was this, and I'll break it down:

1. They actually only had 2 dates. After the first date, while driving her home, he made a second date with her still in the car. He hadn't even sealed this date first but was now locking her into a second date. This is awkward for the woman because she hasn't even decided if she likes him yet. Men, don't ask for a second date until you've sealed the goodnight kiss, then judge how well the date went by that. Don't assume because she has been nice all night that she is into you. Women give tell tale signs they are into you, and the goodnight kiss is always the clincher.

2. He talked endlessly about things that were going on in town that he wanted her to go to with him. How there was a concert March 2 (and here it is only November) and he wanted to take her to it. He talked about his mother and how mom will just love her. How his sister is having a baby and how he can't wait to be a father. This is too much information for date 1.

3. At the end of date 1, he pulled in her driveway, and walked her to the door (nice and gentlemanly, we love this), but he didn't notice she already had her keys out and had walked quickly to the door. As she unlocked the door, he kept talking about their second date, constantly REMINDING her that she agreed to go out with him again. She politely smiled, nodded and went in saying goodnight without a kiss. BIG SIGN THERE, DUDE!

4. Before he was even a block away, he text her with how he can't wait until Tuesday to see her again. He then text her again when he got home to say it once again and to let her know she was on his mind. He then text her the next morning to tell her to have a nice day, then again around noon to ask if she had a good lunch, then again at 5:00 to make sure she got home from work okay. Then he text her around 8 pm to tell her he just heard a song that reminded him of her. (All this before date 2?). None of his texts were answered or responded to. So he called to make sure she was getting them. (shakes my head, DON'T DO THAT. WE GET THEM. DON'T CALL T-MOBILE AND ASK IF YOUR PHONE IS BROKEN, IT'S NOT, THE RELATIONSHIP IS!).

5. Date 2 was much like date 1, only, it was worse. He took her to a sporting event with his good friend and his good friends wife. A couple/couple date on the second date is not good. He kept trying to push her into a friendship with his friends wife and talked about vacations together, BBQ's and going over their house to play pictionary. Can you imagine how uncomfortable this is for a woman who isn't into a guy, now is forced to couple up with her BFF's? Meanwhile friends wife is talking to her the whole time about how cute they look together.

6. When she excused herself to go to the ladies room, he followed her. Yes. He followed her. His excuse was to make sure she found her way back to their seats (she's 40 folks, not 4) and stood outside the ladies room waiting for her. Shakes my head...oye.

7. After the sporting even, while following the BFF's for a fun night of board games she told him she wasn't feeling well and maybe she should go home. He then tries to invite himself in by telling her how the flu was going around, blah blah blah. She declines his offer to take care of her and can't get out of the car fast enough when he shut it off and sits in her driveway to talk some more. He then texts her continually through the night checking on her. She responds with how ill she's feeling and she's just going to bed. This is a hint saying, STOP TEXTING ME.

8. Assuming she, in fact, has the flu, he sends flowers the next day with a card signed LOVE MELVIN! She doesn't call to thank him. Instead texts him with an abbreviated "THX". Ouch! He blast texts her asking her how she likes them, how they were sent to brighten her day, and a barrage of other things. He calls, it goes right to voicemail.

9. After 4 days of him texting her worried she may have been hospitalized because of the flu or perhaps she had malaria, he arrives at her door with chicken soup. She looked fine, he said, but she was very snippy with him which, to him, meant she still wasn't feeling well. He then proceeded to ask her for a date for that weekend. She states she can't because she has a family reunion at the beach on saturday.

10. AH HERE COMES THE PART THAT IS A BIT OVER THE TOP...He shows up at the beach on Saturday and see's she wasn't lying, she DID have a family reunion, to which he just throws himself into it. He is not introduced to her family, rather he introduces himself and says, "Hi, I'm Melvin, I'm Jolie's boyfriend". gasp, argh, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you didn't!

Now can ANYONE tell me what he did wrong? lmao

Yes, women want an attentive man. Yes, we want them to include us in their lives. We do like the texts in spurts, but there is a fine line between attentive and obnoxious. And throwing yourself, injecting youself, into someone's life uninvited is a deal breaker and a great way to insure she leaves skid marks in your driveway.

Here are the overt, and not so overt signs that show a man a woman IS interested.

1: They will lean forward, move closer, or smile a great deal, listening attentively and purposefully when you speak.

2. At dinner, they will not order spaghetti, BBQ ribs or anything with garlic or onion. They won't order foods that will be messy to eat, or give them bad breath.

3. When asked if they want dessert, the will want to "split" it with you.

4. They will head to the restroom after dinner, not to text their BFF with "help me!!!!" But to primp. Take notice if their hair looks fluffed up, and they smell of mint as they suck on an altoid.

5. They will go along with your future plans. If you talk about a concert in March, and it's November, they will respond positively and in the affirmative by saying things like, that sounds fun, I've always wanted to see Lady Gaga!

6. They will not race to their front door. They will engage in stupid small talk, not having their keys in their hand ready to bolt into the door. Instead, they dig for their keys in their purse, giving you enough time to kiss them. OR they will unlock the door, but not go in, they will turn to you and again thank you for an awesome nite. (*if a woman describes the date as: nice, good or just says thank you...then it's questionable. But if she says awesome, amazing, fun, great...then you're in!)

7. She will kiss you goodnight, and it's not a peck either. If she's eaten 20 altoids before you dropped her off, that is a sign she wants to kiss you, guys. And that goodnight kiss is going to be a good one, trust me on this!

8. You won't have to text her a block away from her house, because she will probably text you before you've even pulled out of her driveway, thanking you once again for an AWESOME time.

9. She will answer your calls, and respond to EVERY text.

10. She will look even prettier on the second date and sexier too, the dress will be shorter, the heels a tad higher and she's dressed in the color that you mentiioned was your favorite.

Women, like men, do not want to be smothered. They don't like to feel as though they are being stalked. And men, clingy men, tend to really go overboard, and I will tell you, it scares a woman. There are a lot of freaks out there, and it can be a bit unnerving to have someone know everythng you've been doing.

There are men that are just completely creepy. They show up at your work; they try to befriend your friends or family members; they are constantly online waiting for you to pop on and IM you instantly as soon as your Windows Vista loads. They are constantly available to you, and they want to ALWAYS be with you. They will offer to change your oil on a Wednesday, and they will want you to meet their family right away.

Men can be as bad as women, but they are worse because they DON'T stop.

I don't know who educated these men, but they seem to think all a woman wants is a relationship and get married and have kids. Not every woman wants this, and most need chemistry. If the two of you have chemistry, she will let you know. She will touch your arm, she will sit close to you, she will make reference to it, and she will even make the frist move to kiss you if she's feeling confident enough. But if there is no chemistry, you will either end up in the friend zone or a blip on the screen.

Take heed, don't assume that because she's a woman she automatically wants everything you do (marriage, family, house). Don't ever assume because you will probably be wrong. Go slow. Don't smother and dont send blast texts. If you send a text, asking how her day is, and she responds with an answer, and a question, THAT means she is into you. If she responds with a one word answer...don't send another text!

Why we leave skid marks in your driveway! Pt 1

2010-06-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

Men DO read my blog, and they DO laugh at it, and agree with it. I will admit, however, my biggest following are my Divas (gay men). I am a Diva magnet. But the purpose of this particular post is for the male clients I get who are lovely men, absolutely the nicest gentlemen I've had the pleasure of knowing, but...there are the OTHERS. Now, the OTHERS are the men that I've counseled that just don't get it despite my best efforts. The ones, like the women I've discussed in prior blogs, that can't seem to understand why their potential mates have enrolled in the witness relocation progam just to get away from them.

I will admit, and I lower my eyes in shame, it's not all their fault. Women can be very confusing, hence the reason there are college classes entitled Women's Studies, because it does require a college degree to understand the female species and women spend 3/4 of their lives finding themselves. So if WE can't find US it's no wonder men can't find us either.

Yes, we women want a man who can communicate and express his feelings. Someone who can say I love you without being prompted by us to do so. A man who knows who he is and exudes that confidence without being an aggressive slob. We want a man who can lead, but not expect us to take a backseat, gently nudge us and assist, support and empower us. We want a man who makes love when we are in the mood, but doesn't balk at a little slap and tickle. We want a man to instinctively know where our errozenous zones are without us drawing the diagram or screaming, "to the left...lower...a bit higher...STOP DOING THAT!". We want a man who can bring home the bacon, and allow us to do the same or not, if we so desire. A man who knows who he is and knows when it's HIS turn to unload the dishwasher. We want a man who will take care of us but allow us to have our own autonomy and independence. We want a man who knows when a gift or flowers is necessary and when it's to be a surprise. We want a man who tells the truth, but not at every juncture (if my ass is fat, I don't need that kind of honesty, know when to shut your mouth).

Ah yes, the wonderful female psyche and anatomy...we are perplexing aren't we? We are a riddle wrapped in an enigma and shoved up the ass of a fortune cookie. In essence, we are bat-shit crazy. I fully and readily admit it.

BUT...oh yes, there's a big ole but in here...BUT, there are those men that aren't quite labeled doormats but are so needy or just odd that we literally will leave skid marks in the the wake of their presence.

This blog is for these men, and here's who they are...

Mr. Sensitive: Mr. Sensitive irritates the living shit out of me, and a lot of other women. Now I'm not talking about the man who cries when he watches Old Yeller, or talks about his deceased grandmother. That man is sweet. I'm talking about the man that has ALL his radio stations set to "easy listening" and knows all the words to Olivia Newton-Johns "I Honestly Love You" song. This guy smiles at you adoringly, as if to say, "Please love me cuz the last 100 girls called me a wimp". This man makes sure your seat belt is fastened before he pulls out of the driveway, and refuses to go anywhere and gives you a long winded diatribe about how if he is t-boned by a semi and something happened to you he'd never be able to live with himself. Every date he arrives with flowers and is wearing a cumberbun to go bowling. He cries when you talk about how your mom gave your dog away when you were 9 and he "feels your pain". This man's CD collection consists of: Air supply, Barbara Streisand, Paula Abdul, Gloria Gaynor, and Christina Aguilara. It's very difficult to distinguish if he's just sensitive or if he's gay, it's a very fine line.

His favorite movies are: The Notebook, Sophie's Choice and The Vagina Monologues. He LOVES to slow dance for no apparent reason, and he makes the bed after he gets out of it. When he joins you in the shower it's not for some lather and lust session, no, this man actually wants to bathe you. Creepy. It's really creepy!

He makes love, ALL THE TIME...never refers to it as anything else and feels it's an intimate connection that he journals about and uses poetry quotes. He refers to your vagina as "the flower" and he is the guy that sends YOU the emails with hearts, and puppies and stupid ass sunsets!

This poor, adorable, but painfully pathetic man-child is never going to find a strong woman who will deal with this. As I said, only one of us can be the girl. He needs to find either; A) A woman as controlling and domineering as the mother who robbed him of his coconuts or B) A passive, passive, shadow of a female who has no opinion and still dots her I's with a little heart. This girl collects stuffed animals and still puts them on her bed as a sort of decoration. Those are the ONLY two women that will will deal with Mr. Sensitive.

DISCO DUCK: Maybe in the 70's he was cool, and he kind of staggered his way up to 1982, but here and now in the year 2010 I just want to bitch slap him off his bar stool. This jumps into a vat of Polo or Old Spice right after he showers. He has soap on a rope, in those matching fragrances, in his shower, and he's so retarded that while wearing the soap on a rope around his neck he actually bends down to wash his feet WITHOUT taking it off to do so nearly strangling himself. But it just looks so cool on, he refuses to accept he can kill himself doing that.

His wardrobe is the big tip. He wears "slacks" and they're really, really shiney slacks lol. He has polyester shirts that resemble silk, but not quite, and he tucks them into his "slacks". He has the matching belt that matches his ankle aligator boots that zip on the side and have a 3 inch heel. And he has posters of "Farrah Fawcett" "Danny Terio" and, of course, "John Travolta" on his LIVING ROOM wall. His favorite color is plaid, and the appliances in his house are all that puke avacado green. His couch is made of pleather, and his ALBUMN collection he refers to as his "vinyls". He likes to seduce. He calls you "babe" "chick" "foxy lady" and "Pussycat". You just want to knock his teeth down his throat because every sentence out of his mouth starts with "man" (man, it's hot out. Man, I'm hungry, the 70's version of "dude").
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He refers to sex as "getting it on" or "groovin" and his favorite position is doggy style so he can stare at himself in the mirror over his bed, striking a pose and fluffing his chest hair. He will stop having sex to untangle his gold chains that have collided with your necklace. Oh, and he sweats profusely, by the way (I'm told..cringe).

If a woman is desperate enough to go home with him, she must endure listening to "More Than A Woman" or Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" in the midst of his foreplay in the beanbag chair back at his "groovy pad" and being told how luminous her skin looks next to the lava lamp. She is then led to his round bed where he turns on his a "flick" and she is now forced to watch "Behind The Green Door" on his beta max!

The only woman this man will ever have a chance of keeping is a woman who is either; A) Wearing a tube top, glitter eyeshadow and has her hair "feathered" or B) A woman who has given up on life all together and can tolerate his cheating!

MISTER SISTER: This guy can relate to EVERY SINGLE WOMAN'S ISSUE OUT THERE. He knows more about abortion, women's rights and PMS than YOU do, and YOU have the ovaries. He attends Pro-Life/Pro-Choice Rallies. He knows the plight of the woman and gets sympathy cramps once a month. He watches his calorie intake for fear his HIPS are spreading. He talks endlessly about natural childbirth as if HE'S the one having to go through it, and how HIS baby will be born in a serene pool of water with no drugs and no harsh light. He reads Maya Angelou, watches Oprah, and takes pre-natal vitamins so his hair is more luxurious. He's fucking annoying because he can relate to everything my body is going through and lectures me on the importance of calcium supplements. This man just needs to make the snip and cross over. This is the man that would transgender into a woman, and become a lesbian. He is THAT much of a feminist.

The only woman that could live with a man like this, and the one he should seek out is: A) The hippy chick from 1971 who looks like an aged and haggard Marcia Brady, who has fried her brain so much she thinks she's still at woodstock and can swing both ways, or B) A closet Lesbian.

MR METRO: Metrosexual men confuse the hell out of me. And I don't want ANY man that accessorizes more than I do. This man will primp himself right out of even the most relaxed woman's life. Now there's normal metrosexual behavior where a man is meticulous about fashion, trends and grooming, then there's MR. METROSEXUAL, who is just...just.....oye.

This man gets excited when you go for a manny pedi and wants to accompany you. He even makes his own appointments if you aren't on a 2 week schedule. He has his eyebrows waxed AND arched. He either shaves twice daily to keep a smooth appearance, or he has the setting on his shaver set to "Miami Vice" mode so he has that hint of stubble that is oh-so-sexy (eye roll). He has nair hair removal in his shower as his precious grapes are never to be shaved, but depilitoried (is that a word?). He uses Dove soap because his skin MUST stay soft, and he has more hair products than you do. He never uses a toothpick, but has those dental picks in the console of his vehicle. He wears a fanny pack or has a man-purse so he can carry his lip balm, wet naps and altoids. His socks match his shirt, and he has his teeth cleaned every 3 months. Now I know many women will think this man is awesome. And I did too. But...but...wait for it....wait for it....THEY WANT TO GROOM YOU. This man rarely gives a compliment unless HE dressed and styled you. When you get ready to go out, or he shows up for a date and see's you, he looks you up and down and then goes through his mental roladex of all the clothing he's seen you in and insists you wear "this" dress with "those" shoes and your eyeshadow much match your bracelet, and your nail color is all wrong. He's not happy til he's teased your bangs and fluffed your hair. It's unnerving because you're always late everywhere, all the mirrors in the car are adjusted so he can look at himself. He tries on more clothes than you do when you go shopping and starts buying wrinkle cream on his 25th birthday. He talks endlessly about exfoliating, botox, and veeners. And how YOU should get all this too. You will never be more beautiful or well groomed than this man. No matter how coiffed and spritzed you are, you will still appear haggish next to him, and he will be sweet by telling you "he can fix you".

In bed his silk boxers match his sheets, he balks at the hint of a little stubble ANYWHERE on your body and will start to tell you the benefits of waxing in the middle of intimate moments. He refuses to break a sweat in bed because it may affect his spray on tan (as sun can cause premature aging), and do not run your fingers through his hair, this results in him taking his hand off your breast so he can put each hair you mussed up back in place. His groans and moans are well rehearsed so he SOUNDS sexy and he's very conscious of every move he makes....

The only woman able to stick with this guy is either; A) Someone just as pretentious and shallow as he is, or B) A spoiled Daddy's girl who has nothing to do all day long but primp and wax and go on day spa trips with him midweek.

NASTY NEANDRATHAL: We've all met them, dated them, married them and divorced them. This man hasn't a clue, nor does he want to buy one either, as to what a woman needs. She is to serve and service him at will. Tragically, we mistake this man as "rugged" or even "confident" when really he's a pig! This man watches hunting, fishing, and football as if he'll be receiving a college credit by doing so. He washes his car parts in your kitchen sink. He calls you "Baby" or "Bitch" and burps in public. He scratches his balls in front of company, and he farts without warning. This is the guy that opens the restaurant door and walks in BEFORE you and lets it close behind him without even a care that you're standing on the other side out in the rain. He orders his meal before you, and wolfs it down at the speed of light. He then picks his teeth at the table by using a match book corner or the fork. If he's still hungry, YOUR meal becomes HIS meal as he reaches over and just digs his fingers into your garlic parmesean salmon. Tasting it, he doesn't like it, and spits it out into his two fingers and lays it on the side of your plate. GROSS! He laughs too loud, drinks too much and thinks nothing of dropping the F bomb at your grandmothers funeral. He doesn't brush his teeth on weekends or before sex, and he owns T-shirts only, all having metal band or auto shop logs on them. He talks endlessly about his truck, snow tires and tits. He only compliments you when he "wants some" and he doesn't believe in foreplay...for YOU. This is the guy that wears socks during sex. His toe nails cut diamonds and he thinks "manscaping" is for pussy's.

HHis love making style consists of pulling your underwear over to the side while you're sleeping and invading you whenever he deems fit. This man slaps you on the ass AFTER sex and tells says, "You're a keeper".

The only woman this man will ever keep is one who cannot chew through the rope or run fast.

(MORE TO COME...PART 2 SOON TO FOLLOW)

Finding Your Inner Goddess

2010-06-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Women are beautiful! It matters not your shape, your size or your ethnic background, you ARE beautiful!!!

Due to images created by the media, advertisers and the like, we are conditioned to believe that perfect teeth and perfect breasts are the traits which define beauty. We kill ourselves to create that which has been thrust upon us, and subliminally, and not so subliminally, embedded into our psyche to BE THAT! When, really, if you think about it, you are already perfect and already exuding beauty on so many levels. If you feel beautiful, you will then exude this, and others will see you in that light. The same holds true for the negative. When you have a negative view of your own beauty, you will exude this as well, and others will see you as ugly.

Defining what beauty is can be difficult. The phrase beauty is in the eye of the beholder rings truth. For how many times have we heard how gorgious someone is, only to meet them or see them and not see what all the hoopla is about? How many times has a friend come to you boasting about the adonis she's dating only to see them and wonder wtf????

Beauty is in all how you feel, not in how you look. I will say it again, and I will re-iterate this point over and over consistantly in this blog as to embed this into your psyche and push out the advertisers implantation, but beauty is within and exudes out.

A woman, created perfectly by a higher power, is a goddess. She is an amazing combination of flesh, and bone, blood and sweat, intuition and creation, weaved together to form perfection. She is the epitome of femininity, and she gives birth and life to anything she touches. She is a nurturer, maternal and compassionate, yet when crossed can turn vicious and cutting. She is protective and fierce and stronger than any man. She has the capacity to do as men do, yet more. There is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot. I can even pee my name in the snow, yes it's messy, but I CAN do it. However, men cannot give birth. It's something only we females can do, and we do it well! We give birth and procreate constantly. Not just offspring supplying the planet with individuals, but also with inspiration. We are a creative, inspirational, motivational, supportive and empowering collective force. Either solitary or in a group, we hold power!

To feel beautiful and to exude your beauty you must tap into your inner goddess. Every woman, I do not care where you are or who you are, has an inner goddess. It is your birthright. It is WHO you are. Tapping into this entity isn't difficult, but finding her and becoming one with her when you haven't even met her can be a task.

Ways to find and be one with your inner goddess...

Meditation

I could outline many ways in which one meditates, but for those of you who know the drill, I need not outline it. For those of you who do NOT know how, I won't confuse you with a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo. I will give you simplistic and easy ways to achieve meditation without sending you off to buy books, google positions and spend countless, unnecessary dollars investing in meditation when you have the power and capacity to achieve this all on your own.

It's difficult to meditate at first. When we sit, and be still and quiet our minds we are shocked to discover our mind never shuts the hell up. It's constantly flowing with information, a never-ending internal dialogue that if we were relaying it outwardly using our voice would chase even the most patient listener away from us. So learning to quiet this is a challenge. And it does require time. Do not TRY to shut it up, the more you try the more you will talk to yourself and make yourself not only mental, but fatigued. Here's the basics:

1. Find your sacred physical space: A beach, your room, anywhere you feel comfortable and at ease. It should be quiet and serene void of clutter and distraction.

2. Sit in lotus position, indian style, in a comfy chair, or laydown, it matters not, but not so comfortable you fall asleep. You'll be sitting for 15 minutes or more, so it should be comfortable as to not have you fidgeting with discomfort and pulling you out of meditation.

3. Breathing is important. Take a few deep breaths, closing your eyes and visualizing the stresses in your life being pushed out when you exhale. Inhale deeply, pulling in positive energy through your nose, down your throat and filling your lungs with peace and serentity. Don't rush this process. Take your time.

***It's important to note, do not rush through each step. The point of meditation is to quiet the mind and to rest the body so you are rejuvenated spiritually. In doing this, in taking your time and being still, with practice, message will flow. Answer to your plaguing questions are made apparent. Take your time.******

4. Once comfortable, and centered (outlined above) Sit in silence. Do not ask yourself any questions so you may avoid monkey mind. Just sit, be still. Focus on your breathing and feeling everything that plagues you falling away. I hum sometimes, raising the energy within. Humming is a great way to raise spiritual energy and it keeps your mind clear. It raises your vibration and this helps to push out the low vibration emotions you carry within. Just sit, quieting the mind and focus on your breathing, the blood running through your veins. Visualize this if you can. Somehow when I visualize the heart pumping and blood flowing, I become revitalized.

5. If you know the Chakra points, as you meditate you can run through each chakra, giving it a cleanse and a charge. (I will be doing a section on Chakra's soon).

This is a simple, basic excersise to help you get into meditation. The most difficult part of this is quieting the mind. For me, it was a challenge, to say the least. But as you become more adept you will find other focus's and you will explore many techniques. Most important in your spiritual development is finding what works for you.

SACRED SPACE

Creating a sacred space isn't difficult, it's actually rather fun. Most create it in elaborate fashion by Feng Shui or other properties that help create a positive flow through their home, but this, too, can be costly. However, you do NEED a scared space of some kind where you can go and just "be". This space can be a guest bedroom, bathroom, or even a corner in one of your rooms that is just your "peace nook" (as I call it).

Setting up this space should be fun. Have your favorite candles; journal; little, healthy snacks that won't perish (I have hot tamales lol), and flowers. Anything that just exudes peace and contentment for you. Those small, zen fountains you find at walmart are wonderful, and cheap. Having all the elements (earth: a small bowl of blessed sea salt or sand; air: incense: fire: a candle; water: the fountain or even a glass of water) helps to balance the nook and keep you focused on just what that space is for. Do not allow any dust to accumulate, keep it clean and tidy. It's difficult to focus on relaxing when it's cluttered with junk. Have some of your gems, crystals and stones around. Just make it comfortable.

Some people seem to relate to one element more strongly than others, and some, like me, are interchangable. Sometimes I'm drawn to water, other times fire...so my space changes a lot. And when I find myself drawn to certain elements I try to recognize this, and the message in it.

As you sit in your sacred space you should reflect, you should go there to journal. This is the best way to find out WHO you are; WHAT you want in your life; WHERE you want to go; WHY you are where you are. Relection is key to finding out your patterns, in finding out your patterns, you can then see the errors you've made, or the wise choices and build or remove what you wish to fix and what you wish to manifest. You see the power is all up to you. But you can't find those things until you find the goddess within.

JOURNALING

This has to be one of the best ways to find out all about yourself. When you write your thoughts on a page, and feel safe doing so, you express who you really are. You're not concerned about how others perceive you and you worry not about judgments that can hinder you.

It's important that you be candid. You should have more than one journal.

1. Gratitude Journal: This journal is where you show your gratitude and appreciation for those things that have had a positive effect on you, or if it was a negative effect, giving thanks for the "lesson" you learned through anything negative truly helps with finding your inner goddess and your evolution from mundane "you" to "goddess". Be thankful, and never write anything negative in this journal.

2. Your Daily Journal: You need not write in this all the time, but you should try to put some thoughts in it each week. If you want to be long winded, then do so, it doesn't matter. My journals have helped me immensely. They are very cathartic and venting on a page is better than road rage any day!

3. Law of Attraction Journal: This journal is great because it's basically your wish list of what you want to attract, create, build or manifest in your life. Remember when you were little and write in your diary: "When I grow up I'm going to marry a guy named Bruce and we'll have 2 children; a boy and a girl, and a dog named tiffany."? Well this is how you should write in this journal. You write your wishes and what it is you want as if you WILL have them, calling them into the universal law, and having it manifest without little effort. You will notice when you write as if it's already happened, such as "When I get married..." (never IF I get married), you will see opportunities start to line up; meeting a great person, etc...and it's up to YOU to seize these opportunities. You're input IS required.

By journaling you are purging the ick and making room for the bliss. So journal as much as you can or feel like it, and you will start to learn things about yourself you never knew existed! This is your goddess peeling off her mask and unveiling herself to you!

SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH

Speaking your truth is the be all and end all of inner peace. Some mistake giving their opinion is speaking their truth. Others think judging others is their inner truth. BOTH are harmful to not only the self by perpetuating negative, but to those you inflict your "truth" upon. Your "truth" is speaking what you feel, not pushing your thoughts and feelings or even observations on another. Your truth is an expression of what you believe about YOURSELF. What I mean by this is when someone judges you, or is pushing their opinion onto you (regarding you) and they say things like "you always do this...or ....you're not a very nice person" it is YOUR job to correct them. You need not fight with anyone, and sometimes being still can be the best choice with someone who is obstinant and closed minded, then you make a note not to be around this person, but here are a few examples of speaking your truth:

1. Do not do anything you do not want to do unconditionally. That means, if someone asks a favor, make it clear if it's conditioned or unconditioned. If you agree to help someone move, and you are doing so because you need help with something, SAY THAT...Tell them, "I'll be glad to help you, if you're willing to assist me later" (conditioned). "I'll be happy to help you, it's my pleasure" (unconditioned). Too many times people do things for others because they have an agenda, they want something back. They didn't say that, of course not, it looks rude lol, but they then resent that person when they help said person with something and the other person doesn't return the favor. So it's usually best to assist others when you expect NOTHING in return!

2. Never say yes, when you mean no. If you have a fight with someone and you make up and they ask if you two are in a good place now, but you're feeling there are still unresolved issues you need to discuss, then your answer should be "NO". If someone asks you to babysit and you just don't like kids, then say NO. If your mother wants your entire family, all of 6 of you to come to her tiny apartment for Christmas, and it's a pain in the ass, SAY NO. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Because, again, it breeds contempt and resentment. And you can't blame another for making you feel that way when it was YOU who should've spoken up. So it's YOUR fault, not theirs.

3. Do not succumb to peer pressure. Now all of these things so far surround around saying NO to things, notice that.

4. Never pretend to be anything you're not. The only reason people do this is to either appear more interesting to others, or to seek validation (one in the same, I think). It's pointless to do this because you can only keep up this facade for so long before you expose yourself and your lie, or someone else exposes you. Just be who you are. If you don't like to go to the gym, then don't go, find what feels right for you (yoga, swimming, walks). You need not follow others paths, just your own.

5. Don't argue with people who are idiots. This is a big one. Why prove yourself to people who don't listen; fight over everything; boss you around; are jealous? It's such a waste of time. Say nothing and walk away.

6. Get rid of the clutter in your life. This means anything piling up. A bad relationship, clothes in your closet you haven't worn since high school, old love letters from someone you loathe, people who grate on you or are unhealthy. Once you purge this shit from your life, you will feel lighter.

Speaking your truth and living by the guidelines and moral code you have within, and no one elses IS your truth. It's your moral code and your moral obligation to the self!

Once you do the few simple things I've outlined above, you will set into motion more actions; thoughts; and words that will inspire you into motivation. It will ignite in you this shift, and a quest to find MORE of what brings you peace and solitude. Once you hit upon the foundation of who you are, that cement base that YOU are built upon, you can then start your renovation from human to goddess. Once you start to tap into her, you immediately, in seconds, start to transform and change and the beauty is recognized, you exude it, and now it's a bright beacon of light shining forth from within and screaming: I AM BEAUTIFUL!

He's just THAT into you!

2010-06-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, we've read the book. We've seen the movie. We've laughed, cried and even cringed over the hot best seller and even bigger box office draw, He's Just Not That Into You. For those of you whom haven't seen the movie or read the book (I urge you to do so..ahem...hear me?) But for those of you who HAVE seen it you've become hyper-vigilent to not be that girl!, there is a bit of glitch here that I don't think anyone has questioned and that is;

How do I know if he's NOT into me and acting this way, and how can I tell if he IS into me but playing games?

I'm a bit hesitant in answering that question. Not because I do not know how to spot a game player a mile away, and how to recognize and respond to such, but simply because (and women don't bash me here) there is an over abundance of women out there that cannot take a hint when the signs are all there, waving like big ass orange semifore flags, right in your face and they STILL see what they choose to. They still insist that even though he hasn't called in two years they had something incredible. They still insist he's just been hurt by that last whore in his life and he's scared to get hurt again so he avoids commitment. They still only see that he took them to bed, but not that he stapled cab fare to their head and pushed them out the door before the condom was off!

So, before I even delve into this blog, I'm asking all the crazy bitches to please leave the room for you are going to read this and then when a man ISN'T into you, find a way to turn MY advice into permission to stalk him and humiliate yourself. I'll wait until all of them have left the room before I continue...

Wow....not many left, eh? lol

Okay here we go!

I need to drive this point home so it will click with all of you who read this, and I do not jest, nor do I spin fantasy tales, and I would never mislead my fellow "sistah's", I mean this in all sincerity because it is true; Men love just like we do. It's their expression of that love that is different than a woman's! Got it!

Men feel the spring in their step, they get sweaty palms, and dry mouth. Their hearts beat faster, they daydream, the doodle your name, carve your name in a tree, or even on their coffee table, but make no mistake, they do feel exactly what we feel on every level when they are falling in love!

I'm going to show how men and women are different in a few examples of what a woman does in each scenerio, and what a man does in this scenerio:

A couple falls in love, they have their first big fight and say a bunch of things neither mean, parting ways and slamming doors:

THE WOMAN: As soon as that door slams she has her best friend on the phone, she's sobbing incoherently and when they hang up she calls her second best friend, and so on and so on, even calling her BFF from second grade (whom she hasn't spoken to since 3rd grade). She binges on hotdogs dipped in chocolate sauce, walks around with the phone in her hand, pee's with it on her lap til finally, after writing one email after another to him ranging from hostile, to passive aggressive, to apologetic, to emphatic to indignant and reading all of them to all her friends and being told to step away from the computer (not sending any of them and bogging up her "draft" box in email cuz each one is too good to throw away: to be saved for another time), she collapses in exhaustion at 5:17 a.m. She is POSITIVE he left her house, found that whore who keeps texting him, they had wild, monkey sex, then he fell fast asleep not thinking one thing about her...

THE MAN: Men don't figure out what they are feeling as easily as a woman. If you ask a woman how she feels you will hear words like hurt, angry, sad, insecure. If you ask a man how he's feeling you hear, Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad. After the door slams he storms to his truck (it's always a truck isn't it, ladies?) and off he goes. He doesn't know where he's going, but his foot is to the pedal. He's thinking he might go eat something. Or he's going over to Kevin's house because he has guitar hero #925. He goes to Kevin's house, knowing how much you hate kevin (and yes he does this on purpose) and he gets some great pleasure out of it and grins proudly as he sits playing guitar hero all night with his cell right next to him positive you're going to call because, well, you always do cuz women can be complete idiots, and he becomes increasingly more pissed off as time ticks away and you did NOT call or text. He isn't waiting for you to call so you two can talk, he's waiting for you to call so he can ignore you! He isn't telling Kevin anything that happened, he's acting bored by the arguement to save face, and your new name has now become "that crazy bitch". He then leaves around 2 a.m. even though he was ready to leave 5 hours ago, just to spite you. On the way home he's getting more pissed off because you haven't called, and now he's plotting what to say when you DO call! It's mean, and I won't even repeat the vulgar names he's calling you right now. Then, as 2 a.m. becomes 3 a.m. he remembers something you said about what you did to your ex-boyfriend (keyed his car, slept with his brother/best friend, shot his dog, posted the pic of him wearing your thong all over the net) and he becomes increasingly more paranoid. Does he sleep that night? Yes. Men can sleep through anything. But he wakes up and checks his phone instantly and even his email to see what you have to say. No call. No email. MAD AGAIN!

Get the picture?

Now, when a man is INTO you but playing the "I'm not into you game" the lines can get fuzzy, but there is one key in knowing it's a game...and that key (insert pregnant pause here for dramatic effect because you're all just waiting, aren't ya?)...inconsistancy!

When a man is into you they want to see you, they want to be with you, but they act like they don't. They act as if they don't care if you go with them to wash their truck, or if you spend the night, or if you go with him on guys night out. Okay, the first sign a guy is really really into you is if you're at "guys night out". It means he wants his baby there, even if he acts like he doesn't care. You're there, the only girlfriend present within miles of guys night out, so he DOES care.

Men are not really socially graceful. When they don't care about you, they don't care about your feelings. So if he's not into you he will not say "I don't care if you go..." he will, instead either tell you NO you can't go, or he'll make up some lame excuse about how you can't go because the car wash has ecoli and he only has one hazmat suit and you'd become infected....This is the kind of lies men tell because they are moron's. But we're even dumber because we go home and call our BFF and explain how sweet it was that he didn't want us to get infected while said BFF sits on the other end of the phone rolling her eyes and mouthing the words, "omg she's a stupid douche" under her breath...

But, I digress. A man who IS into you, but playing games pretending he isn't will want you to come along but won't ask you rather he'll let you ask to go and he'll answer "i don't care".

A man who IS into you but playing games will never wait more than two days to call you. He will make you wait but when he's into you he wants you for the weekend, and you will ALWAYS get a call by Wednesday to go out for friday. He cannot wait too long unless you're one of those really retarded women who call everyday leaving repulsive voice messages telling him how FREE you are that weekend!

A man who IS into you but pretends he's not will get very annoyed and even pissed off if you talk about your ex, or the cute guy at the 7-11, or McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. He will say things like, "That pussy? You think HE'S cute? The idea you are attracted to anyone but him with his eye boogers and webbed toes is beyond him...

A man who IS into you but playing games will always text you back, he will delay it, but you could text him with "what's up? and four days later, out of nowhere you'll get a text that says, "not much, what are you doing?" This is usually when women wonder if that text was for her or someone else who just text him and it was accidentally sent to you. No, it was for you. He's just trying to act uninterested. If you ask him why he is answering now, he'll give you that bullshit of "Oh I didn't see it til now". Okay, who on this planet has a cell phone and hasn't seen a message for 4 days, then responds to it like that? NO ONE. A normal response is, "Sorry didn't see this til now..." They don't answer your question...eye roll. Why is everything such a damn game?

A guy who IS into you but is trying to act as though he's not will constantly update his myspace and FB when he hasn't heard from you in the midst of his acting "coy" trying illicit SOMETHING from you...He will post things that piss you off, but say nothing, such as, "Nursing a hang over" "Got those concert tickets today" "Looking at vacation spots" Anything to peak your curiosity and get you to FB back with, "are you going somewhere?" DON'T DO IT. STOP NOW. DON'T PLAY THE FB GAME.

**** THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE MSLISAM BROADCASTING NETWORK*****WARNING****WARNING***** DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BELIEVE ONE FRIGGEN THING YOU READ ON FACEBOOK. IT'S DESIGNED TO MAKE PEOPLE NETWORK, AND SOCIALLY ENGAGE. IT'S LIES, ALL LIES! PEOPLE POST THINGS ON MYSPACE AND FACEBOOK WHAT THEY WANT OTHERS TO SEE. IT'S NEVER THE TRUTH. IT'S ALWAYS TO APPEAR MORE INTERESTING THAN THEY REALLY ARE. SO SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF TIME, PAIN, TEARS AND PANIC AND DON'T READ THEIR FACEBOOK. IT'S AN ILLUSION!*****THAT CONCLUDES THE WARNING MESSAGE.

Now, we've established the verbal and attitude games. Here come the physical. A man who is into you will see you at least once a week (if able to, I will do a blog on online relationships and the games they play). These men will want to see you. They will call at least twice a week. They will return your texts and calls, but late. They won't pick fights unless you mention other men; going to a bachelorette party (of which he'll refer to your friends as sluts lol).

He'll ask who you're texting when you're with him. And you'll see his annoyance when you turn away to view or answer a text.

A man who IS into you may call you late for a date trying to act uninterested, but you will notice when you do go out he takes you to the restaurant you want to go to (men not interested will go to taco bell), and the movie you wanted to see (terms of endearment rather than Mortal combat). He will buy you the big popcorn and he'll even throw in that huge drink, the one that has a tide in it because it's so large. He will still act uninterested, but this shows quite the opposite.

(I will write more later, my hand is cramping lol)

~Special Offer ~ Psychic/Tarot Readings

2010-06-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

Many of you are already exisiting clients of mine, and have been a joy to assist over the years. And as a Kick Off The Summer Special on Wednesday, June 2nd I will be offering, for ONE DAY ONLY a special for psychic or tarot readings.

I will be answering two questions for $25.00.

I have never offered this special in the 10 yrs I've been working professionally.

If you are interested I will be taking appointments and it's important that you email me so I am able to schedule you in a time slot. I am offering this special for ONE DAY ONLY. And my time is limited.

If you purchase this offer, and would like to ask additional questions, the charge will be $5.00 per additional questions.

Blessings, and I look forward to assisting you!

(see the CONTACT ME tab at the top of my blog for my email me.

Blessed Be,
Lisa

How to spot "real" love

2010-05-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

If you've read my blog (now deleted) you would know I don't mince words. And though, yes, I am a spiritual advisor and counselor, I am human. I write in the same manner I talk. I do not hide behind this "light and love" facade, nor do I have a pretentious bone in my entire body. Hence the reason I was not asked to be on The Real Housewives of New York. Well, that and the fact I'm from Boston (go Red Sox, bite me Yankee's). But I call a spade a spade and an asshole an asshole, TO THEIR FACE!

Now, that being said, there are definite tips and signs to indicate when someone really loves you. I will outline the ones that ignite those good feelings and reciprocal feelings, followed up by, what I refer to as the definite tell-tale signs he loves you. Come along with me...

When someone loves you, they aren't going to tear you down. Ever. I know many couples who are locked in this constant tear down method only to mask it with the phrase I'm only trying to help you be a better person. Okay, first of all, I do not need YOU to help ME be a better person. And who on earth says you are an authority on what better is?

When someone is trying to assist you in being what they call a "better person", they are not trying to change you. When it's authentic and genuinely trying to assist you, what a person who loves you does is they help you to focus on your qualities, your attributes, and enhance those. They do not tell you what to "change" they tell you what to enhance. The reason I say this is because when someone is always noticing the negative about you and not the positive it means they are judging you and looking at you as the glass is half empty. As if you are some project that needs fixing. You're not. You are a work in progress, we all are.

The worst thing you can do, when engaging with a person who is always trying to fix you is to see yourself through their eyes. Most times, people who are trying to fix you are doing so because they are too lazy to fix themselves. They want you to mold and shape and conform to what they want, rather than changing what needs to be changed, or perhaps, FIXED within themselves. They project, outwardly and in your direction, what it is that you do that either intimidates them or threatens them. So when someone is tearing you down in an attempt to renovate you, put them in their place INSTANTLY (as this will set boundries and define the line in the sand they are NOT to cross again). It need not be snarky. You need not be insulting, in fact, you should never respond with an attack, rather, you say, "Though I appreciate your input, I did not ask for it". I tend to raise my eyebrow at a person who is trying to fix me. I fold my arms at my chest, all emotion drained from my face, I tilt my head and raise my brow and stare dead at them. I say nothing. But trust me the message is clear that I do not like nor desire their input.

Another sign that someone loves you is when they HEAR you. Not just listen, but hear you. When a person acknowledges that you don't feel good and they ask you if you feel better. Or when you state you don't like sushi and they remember it and don't ever badger you to go and eat sushi. When a person hears it upsets you that they don't text you back for hours, and makes an effort to text asap. Hearing you shows they care about your concerns. They are working on the relationship. They see you as an equal, and they respect you. When you tell a partner the things that upset you or cause you concern, and they either continue doing it, make no apology for ow it makes you feel, or steps it up a notch by doing it more, this person needs to go. Seriously. It won't get any better, especially in the latter case. If someone does the same behavior, knowing full well it angers you, or wounds you, that is a deal breaker, and they need to be put in time out til they get it fixed, or they need to go. Trust me on this one, girls, a man who constantly does it is doing it because THEY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FEEL OR THINK....kick this bastard to the curb.

A big sign of how important you are to someone is in how they introduce you to people. I once dated someone who, when we were out, would stop to talk to his friends while I stood closely by his side, and never, not once introduced me. When I asked why he didn't his response was Oh I forgot. You forgot? I'm standing right next to you, nudging you and coughing to make my presence known. How the hell did you forget? Well the truth is, I wasn't a priority. He didn't want anyone to know my name, who I was to him, and whenever a man does this, it's usually because they either; A) go thru women like fat kids go thru twinkies and you're not going to be around long so why make the introduction. Or B) They are completely ignorant and classless. Either way this person who does not introduce you needs a lesson taught to them. The lesson is you give him 1 minute to make the introduction, as this should be done as a greeting to the other party, such as, Hey Bob, how are you and Alice doing. I want you to meet my girlfriend, Lisa". That is a proper introduction. Sometimes if the relationship is new, they will introduce you as their friend. That is acceptable and for the love of goddess, don't call me to flip out that you were introduced as his friend and bombard me with wtf I'm his FRIEND? He didn't think I was his friend when I was naked with cool whip on my belly last night! Like I said, if this is a new relationship and the two of you have not stated you ARE, in fact, COMMITTED to each other and monogomous, chill out...If you have committed and he/she introduces you to a friend in a manner address it later. If he does it again, walk away as he introduces you as a friend. Anytime I was not introduced to a friend of my boyfriends while they engaged in conversation in front of me, I'd walk away. I'd be rude as hell, and turn on my heels and walk away. It infuriated him. And ya know what? Back at ya, babe. Oh and for the record, I'm single now, so I guess you can tell where he is now...CURBED.

Nothing impresses me more than when I go to dinner or lunch with a man I've dated a couple times and while paroosing the menu he points out something on it that he knows I like (which is usually on the dessert menu lol, anything chocolate). For someone to have YOU on their mind when they see something they know you like, and remember it, then voice it, is like music to my ears. It shows they are listening to you and they have taken note of it. It speaks volumes. Those things really stand out. And if he/she shares their food with you and steals bites from your plate...Oh yeah, good signs there.

There are so many little signs someone is in love with you that so many people miss. They focus so much on the BIG things that all the little things go unnoticed and actually, make the person who is showing you their love with subtle things feel unappreciated. It's important to acknowledge those little things, not dismiss them, or not notice. Such as these:

You fall asleep on the couch and they care enough to cover you with a blanket so you aren't cold

They thank you for the little things you do, showing they acknowledge them and appreciate them.

They buy your favorite ice cream and share a bowl with you even though they would've preferred strawberry instead of choclate.

They ask about your family; how they are doing; their names; etc

They check the oil in your car, or better yet, they pump your gas for you. I once had a boyfriend that had the balls to sit in MY car while I pumped my own gas. I leaned in the window and asked, "You comfy princess?" He got out right away and took over. My goodness, what an idiot he was.

A big one is when they are having a problem with a family member, coworker or friend and they confide in you and ask your opinion. This means they value your opinion.

They kiss you hello and goodbye. Even if you're sleeping they let you know they are leaving.

They buy your tampons with no questions asked other than, is it the pink box or the blue one. What are wings?

My point is, pay attention to the little things, THOSE are the signs that matter. Those are the signals that you are important and a priority. Stop thinking if he loved you he'd send you flower; he's buy the ring; he'd move in with you. No. Those aren't the meat of someone's love, those are the bonus'. The meat is when you are sick and he is running his fingers through your hair and asking if you need anything...PAY ATTENTION to those things, not when you're going to meet his mother!

It's All About Me!

2010-05-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

Knowing yourself is the key to getting what you want. Many think they know who they are, but do they really?

There is a lot of lip service with people. But I have to say this or I'll bust....PEOPLE TELL YOU WHO THEY ARE WITH THEIR ACTIONS, NOT THEIR WORDS!!!! It's true what they say, "actions speak volumes". If someone speaks the words I love you yet they cheat on you, disrespect you, abuse you, or lie to you, this person does NOT love you.

You have got to know who you are before you can set boundries. Before you can get what you desire, you must first know what it is you want. If you ever want the respect, love and reputation you rightfully deserve, you have to know what it is you are made of. This is what life lessons are for. Each lesson, each step you take, whether it be positive or negative, is a stepping stone to finding out who you are, what you are, where you are. Each step you take, you are making a choice, and that choice is going forward or going backward. Standing still in the phase of a lesson is never going to happen. You either progress or regress.

Knowing youreslf takes a alot of work. When you're in your teens, you are TOLD who you are. Your parents, teachers, friends, everything that surrounds you within this shaping period dictates your likes and dislikes. It is setting a foundation, and tragically, many find they lose who they are around this time due to peer pressure or just wanting to belong. That is what your teen years are for. Then you enter your twenties...Ah those fabulously, firm 20's!!! This is when you get a hint of rebellion. Your wings are sprouting and like a baby bird in it's nest you're attempting to take flight. You flap your wings, and though you crash to the ground, you do have the flexibility and that air of invincibility to recover quickly. You are learning your own likes and dislikes, yet the conditioning set by your adolescence and parental units still have a hold on you. You still seek validation from these people and risk disappointment. So we tend to, in our 20's, go back and forth and just seem completely rebellious, or, for lack of a better word, bipolar.

Then we enter our 30's. As Madea says, " a light bulb comes on at 30, and if it doesn't, check your bulb...check your bulb". It's during this time that we learn to say no. Maybe not as firmly as we should, but we do say it. We start to defy those who have tried to control us. We've finally figured out what our favorite color is and what it is we truly enjoy. We are a bit shaky still as we do still have doubts about being all grown up. I honestly felt like a 16 yr old trapped in a 30 year old body at this age. My body was aging and it was becoming more in tune with energy, but my mind still wanted to go to a carnival and experience that 20 yr old rebellion. The 30 years are meant for you to outline your goals and set priorities. If married, you are starting to want some autonomy. If you have children, you are giving your all to raising them. But there is this knowing within you during these years, and following the next 10 yrs, that grows and grows and you are now starting to really, truly define who you are...

Then come the 40's...You start to see your mortality and things become so much more important. You are threw dicking around and now it's time to get to business. You don't know WHAT it is you really want, but you do have definite ideas about what you DON'T want. And many people take a terrible turn at this juncture and I'll tell you why. Because when you guide yourself by what you DON'T want, you are sure to manifest it and draw it into your life time and time again. You should be focusing on what you DO want and take that focus and apply it to your daily life. I cannot tell you how many people regress at this time, and I truly feel this is why there are mid life crisis and the need for prozac. We are our worst enemies at the age of 40 because we fear growing old, empty nest syndrome, husbands cheating because our breasts aren't as firm, our asses less taunt. But I am here to tell you that it's during this time in your life, when you should no longer focus on the outside but the inside instead. For focusing on your insides, and becoming at peace with who you are will bring forth joy, and if you feel joyous, you will exude it. Confidence is sexy as hell. Think about it. When you see a confidant man, it's an aphrodisiac, it's enticing and sensual. A confident woman makes a man's pants tighter, trust me.

As time goes by we contiue to learn our lessons, take our steps, but you have to realize it's about you. Not anyone else. YOU! No one else is going to bring you happiness. Many people mistake their happiness is dependent upon their partner, their job, etc...It's not. It LENDS to your happiness, but it is not the reason for it. The reason you feel so empowered when you are in love is not due to the presence of another person, or the actions of said person, (pay attention for there's a HUGE epiphany about to hit you lol)...The reason you feel so confident, at peace, in control and abundant is because YOU FEEL GOOD...when you feel good you exude that, you manifest more of it. That is why when someone falls in love and they are skipping around with moonbeams in their eyes, they are nicer, calmer and paying it forward, they are productive, they are compassionate, they are not easily triggered, they are optimistic and positive and exuding this on every level thereby attracting more...And when love falls apart, all those emotions are the exact opposite, which thereby illicits more negative and hits you. It's usually during this time when someone says, "it can't get any worse" because it's one cluster fuck after another, and it's due to the energy your body, mind and spirit is permeating and perpetuating.

It's all about you. No one else. No one else is responsible for how you feel. YOU are. So if you're responsible, by tolerating injustice, disrespect, being taken advantage of or being a doormat, is never going to give you what you want. Feeling good and behaving in a joyous place is the key to attracting more. Setting boundries and STICKING TO THEM is imperative to your own evolution and manifestation of the positive that is abundant and at your grasp.

Accomodating those who mistreatment and seeking validation in others is an obstacle in life. It's a huge blockage for success and prosperity. Only one person need validate you....YOU!

Do's and Don'ts of Dating

2010-05-29T15:56:00.000-07:00

My mother use to say to me, "When I was your age, the boy came to the door and greeted the parents. If he didn't, then my father wouldn't let me go on the date!" I use to roll my eyes and groan, and embarassed I'd go outside to my boyfriend who had beeped the horn and tell him he HAD to come to the door.

Well, times have even changed since these times as well. Now, I watch as my 17 yr old daughter tells me her boyfriend just text her telling her he was waiting outside. I'm flabberghasted by that, and now I repeat what my mother said and the boy needs to come to the damn door!!!

Even though we've had the wonderful technology of cell phones, computers, guitar hero...and the like, I've found that the courting ritual is almost void. I am single as well, and I'm just appalled half the time with how men approach me. It's comical.

Now, there are do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. The old fashioned rules do still apply. Such as; You DON'T sleep with someone on the first date! There is no exception to this rule. Okay, maybe one. The one exception is the girl who does NOT really want a relationship but is still testing the waters and has no qualms about sleeping with someone she doesn't really know. But I'm talking about women who WANT love and want respect and the common mistakes they make that really delay this, and actually do more damage than good.

It is true what they say, If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. Now what I mean by this is, you're a lady. You should be treated as such. You should not settle for anything less than gentlemanly treatment. Now I'm not saying he has to jump from the car and run around to your car door to open it if you're going for pizza, but there are certain dating etiquette rules that have become so lax it's disgusting and it's causing women to become really confused as to what the roles are.

DATING DON'TS

Don't accept a date via text message. OMG this is the tackiest way to ask a woman out. Dial the damn phone. You obvviously have opposible thumbs and could text...DIAL THE DAMN PHONE. By accepting a date via text message with a man who is NOT already your committed boyfriend or husband is showing you will settle for less than you deserve. It's really cold, and in my opinion, a cowards way of doing things. If met with this invitation, do not respond with an answer. Simply text back with "did you just TEXT me for a date? Seriously?" Now I know many will argue that if you reply in such a fashion the man (who by the way of sending a text request date is clearly showing he's a boy) will then retract said offer and not call. TRUST ME ON THIS, he'll call. If he wants to date you bad enough. HE....WILL....CALL. If his interest in you was minimal, he may not, which shows you that he wasn't serious about the date, and he wouldn't have been serious in a relationship either. Let that ship sail. But do not accept any date with a new, potential partner via text. TACKY! TACKY! TACKY!

Don't get into deep relationship talk until you know the man. So many women make this horrible mistake. They are ready for love, and ready for commitment. They meet a great looking, fun, sweet guy, and 2 weeks into the courtship are already wondering when this guy is going to commit. The error in this is why do you want a commitment from someone you BARELY know? I mean, do you reallly know this man? Or are you falling for his "representative"? The person he wants you to BELIEVE he is. Come on, girls, how many times have we fallen for Mr. Right and found out he was Mr-OMG-HE-IS-SATAN-INCARNATE! Don't talk about love, relationships, marriage, kids, buying a puppy together and naming him Ralph....stay off this topic until you've established that you are, in fact, involved with the man he presented himself to be. The longer you put off that talk, the greater the chance you will get the commitment. Women out there can be scary. They latch on within minutes, they literally suffocate men, so be different from the rest. Don't talk about moving forward until later.

Don't answer a damn booty call. Okay, you've already been intimate with the guy. You've gone on dates that led to his apartment after. That's cool. But when a man calls at 11 pm on a Saturday night after he and his friends have hit the strip clubs, don't run to his side. If he calls you drunk off his ass and it's the break of dawn outside...its'a booty call and well, he's just gonna have to deal with self love at this juncture. By running to a booty call, you are letting him know he need not show you respect and he can call you anytime it strikes his fancy, and he will do it time and again.

Do not answer late night text messages. If this man texts or calls at 2 a.m., rising you out of a dead sleep, unless his voicemail says, "I woke up and you weren't next to me and I miss you", DO NOT RETURN THAT FRIGGEN CALL! Do not jump out of bed on the second ring and answer it. Nothing good comes out of a 2 am phone call. It's either a booty call, or it's a "I need bail" call. DO NOT TAKE THE CALL. Listen to the voice mail to make sure he's not in the hospital or that a family member hasn't passed away...but anything less...it can wait til morning AFTER you've had your coffee. If you get an early morning text message, even if it's "I miss you!" don't answer it. You're sleeping. He can wait. I've known men that do send the women they love these loving geestures, and yes, I agree, it's amazingly sweet, but it's also incredibly ignorant to wake someone up lol.....Do not answer, do not text back. Keeping a man waiting for your response is good. If you feel the need to return the text, then do so, but at least 30 minutes later.....

Do not mistake good sex for love. Again, a huge error made by women. I cannot tell you how many women comet o me talking about this "amazing connection" they share with this guy who was a sexual gymnast. Okay, great sex is awesome and I'm not one to thumb my nose at it, but it's not love. It's the connection outside of the bedroom that is the determining factor, not the other way around. If you are compatible in bed, but want to stab each other with a steak knife in the living room, kitchen and movie theatre, chances are, it's not love...it's primal basic instinct....

Do not call or text a potential boyfriend unless you are returning a call or text from him. Do not get his email address and bombard him with pictures of puppies and kitties and stupid heart photos....I know many women who do this and I am amazed when they do it. You meet a great guy, you go on three dates, and every morning you're texting with "Hope you have a great day I work, snookems"....These women say they want these men to start off their day with a smile. Well, I'm going to rip your bandaide off right now....The first time you do it, it's cool...the second, the third, the daily "thinking of you" texts will spook your new boyfriend and have him blocking you from his email and ignoring your texts. Let's call a spade a spade, you don't give a shit if he's having a good day, YOU WANT HIM TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOU when you do this. Youi'll get more attention if you act like a woman, and not some teeenage nymphette hopped up on Nestle Quick....relax, stop trying to push this suitor into a tux.....chill out!

Don't show up everywhere he is to "accidentally on purpose" run into him. Guys are hip to this. You are NOT fooling anyone. You look ridiculous and they hate it. It's boys night out. And you are showing up and insuring that if he goes home with anyone that night it's gonna be YOU. Well, it probably will be, because you're there, he drank tequila, and now you've shifted into the reliable bed mate whenever he is randy. If this man really wants you, he won't insult you with a booty call. He won't hang out with his boys all night at the club and then start talking to you 5 minutes before closing time. PAY ATTENTION. If he's ignored you all night, but it's closing time and now you're eyes look beautiful and he's digging that tan.....run....cuz you are being used.

Don't be a wife before you're a girlfriend. What I mean by this is cooking dinner for him every night and bringing it over in your best tupperware....Baking him brownies and sending them to his job...cleaning his house while he is watching football. Doing his laundry. Buying him new underwear. Driving his pets tot he vet, picking up his dry cleaning....omg the list is endless. Unless this man IS your boyfriend, and you ARE committed (you met his family, you have some clothes in his dresser or closet, you've vacationed together, you've driven his truck on many occassions) YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND....SO DON'T BE THIS MAN'S WIFE. He has to earn that. To get that part of you, that special grace that is a woman, he must earn it. It's not rightfully deserved because he has the penis.....

Do not buy him things for his home. Don't buy a plant, potpourri, candles, prety little soaps, a new bathmat....STOP. Do not spend money on this man and set up house. The only reason women do this is to leave their mark so other prospective females will know this man has a girl....If you think this man likes it, you're wrong. /As soon as you leave, those pretty little bath soaps are hidden, and the plant will eventually die because you wont' be around anymore to water it....Save your money and your energy! Wait until this is official before you do anything. And before you do, ASK!

Don't call or text or email him constnatly when you haven't heard from him in over a week. Have some dignity and don't chase this man. If he is truly interested in you and is really overloaded with work, etc, he will contact you and apologize and make it right. If he isn't interested, your texts, calls and emails are going to be ignored, they aren't going to make a differnce. You're not going to change his mind...So save yourself the humiliation.

Don't lend a potential boyfriend money. If this guy has mistakenly left his wallet home and discovers this after he's already pumped the gas, then okay, I get it. But if he is asking for a car payment, rent money, or new veneers for his teeth...tell him to ask his mother. Never take care of a man financially that hasn't put a ring on your finger, and even then, it's questionable lol

Do not become the woman he wants. If he likes the earthy type who camps and hikes etc, and you are the type of girl who takes a taxi to your mailbox, then don't pretend to be a rock climber. Because it's really shitty to misrepresent who you are, and should he fall in love with this woman you are feigning being, he will surely resent it later when you tell him you sold hte camping gear. Do not pretend to be what he wants, or what you THINK he wants. Do not drink tequila when you really want coffee. Do not fake who you are in hopes of winning this man. You will be exposed, and what you're doing isn't fair. You wouldn't like it done to you. Be honest. If you aren't a big one on outdoor activities tell him you will TRY it.....but don't pretend to be experienced in things you aren't. Don't tell him you love country music when you want to rip your ears off everytime you hear it. Because what ends up happening is you're dragged to go see Garth Brooks at the county fair and wearing shitkickers....

Don't morph into him. Have your autonomy. Be a separate individual before you become a couple and even after. Have your girl time with your friends, enjoy the things you enjoy without worrying that he may not like it. Don't lose youreself in this guy. Because if it doesn't work out between you, then you feel lost afterwards, and that's when women tend to become obsessive and actually scary....be your own woman.

Dont accept a last minute date . Unless he had to visit a sick relative and said relative dies and free's up his friday, never accept a date after wednesday for a friday. Yes, there are certain exceptions when he hasn't asked you for a date, is kicking it at home and wants to get a burger with you, and calls and says, "Hey wanna grab something to eat?" that's fine, but still, don't accept lol.....If a man is calling you at 6:30 pm on Friday night for a date, chances are his boys backed out from a night of partying or anotehr date backed out. You are to simply say, "Oh that's a sweet offer, but I've already made plans....sorry" This will teach him to call sooner. And, if he's seriously interested in you, he will then say, "Okay well how about....(insert suggested day and time here)" making a date with you, and reserving your time.....Don't ever accept last minute dates with a man whom you do not have a substantial relationship with. BOOTY CALL! lol

Do not ignore a hitnt, or red flag. If you are laying in his bed, glowing after the throes of passion and he's saying how he has to get up early in the morning...it means LEAVE. If you go to dinner and gets a text message and suddenly starts yawning and telling you how tired he is halfway thru the salad, it means, the date is over. If he isn't calling you back, texting you back, reported you as a spam in his email....this has come to an end. Take the hint and move on...Don't try to find out why, don't humiliate yourself...Let it go.Move on.

The bottom line is self respect and to remember that it is YOU doing the choosing. YOU are deciding if this man is worthy of the gifts you have to offer, the love you have in your heart, and the honor of your company. Women love with their whole being. And when you love, you give. And a man needs to be worthy of all of this, it's not deserved. It's not a sense of entitlement. If you give all of this prior to commitment, you are lessening your chances of ever having it. The more you value yourself, and respect yourself, the more he will. If you settle for morsels, he's sure to feed you crumbs...and you will forever be malnuroushed.....

Accomodating and People Pleasing

2010-05-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone at anytime is guilty of this, and we all do it. Though it isn't usually an obstacle in life, it can be when one is CONSTANTLY accomodating and people pleasing.

I cannot tell you how much I try to teach women to stop doing this in love relationships. I'm not saying not to compromise, of course a relationship is give and take, but there are some women (stands raising my hand announcing, "Hi. I'm Lisa. I'm a recovering chronic accomodator"), who are literally accomodating men in their lives that are NOT worthy of this.

Now, there is healthy accomodation where you have a loved one who is sick and needs soothing and comfort. There is the mother that needs help in some way or form. There is the best friend that has been there for you through thick and thin and in the middle of the night needs your help. That is normal accomodation. Unhealthy accomodation is when you have a man in your life, that is non commital, shows no respect, and blows smoke up your ass 90% of the time whom you run to his beck and call anytime he desires something. There is the boss that has asked you for more and more and more and doesn't show gratitude of the hard work you do, and is indifferent to your efforts. There is the mother that is the psychic vampire and who just continues to drain you and you say nothing and keep on giving into her relentless requests and/or demands. These people DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EFFORTS...GET IT!

I'm going to tell you a story that many will be able to relate to....Are you ready kiddies? Pull up a chair...

Ben and Alice meet at a party and hit it off. After spending the entire evening in the corner of the party talking about where they grew up and past relationship faux pas, they end the evening by exchanging numbers and kissing goodnight.

Not even 24 hours later, Ben calls Alice for a date. He shows great interest and can hardly wait to see her. She feels the same. The flutters start and she is instantly hoping he is "the one". Ben is attentive, affectionate, adoring (the three A's all us women love) and he has stated several times he is looking for that special girl. He points out all the things he loves about Alice. She's witty, she's intelligent, she's independent, and of course she's beautiful and sexy.

Over the course of a few weeks he calls and texts and even emails funny things, loving things, flirty things and they spend nearly every night hanging out, having awesome sex, connecting on every level. Alice is SURE he's the one....

Now...let's fast forward 3 months later (if that)...

Alice is noticing that Ben isn't texting her back as quickly, if at all, when she sends him a text (I hate text messaging by the way...it's impersonal, and most times cheesy, not to mention half of the meaning is lost in translation, if you text me...it better read: We need milk, mom. That's it). Alice notices that he is rushing her off the phone, and getting aggravated with her little stories...the ones he thought were so cute....She becomes a bit worried. She asks him what's going on, he answers vaguely that he's been tired...he's stressed...blah blah blah (come on girls you know the drill)....

Well, let me tell you what's going on. Let ME tell YOU the truth. HE HAS YOU! He has you in his grasp. You have gushed and told him everything you feel about him. He is well aware you want to marry him tomorrow and have a gazillion babies with this guy, and you are completely anamoured with him. The courtship is over, all that's left of the surprise is the farting and the burping, girls...He has you. End of story. But....ahhhh....herein lies the problem....He got you before committing to you. That didn't come up. You're already in love and it's still casual. You didn't want to broach the subject because it was too soon. Now, you're stuck in CASUAL BOOTY CALL HELL! Yeah, I said it.

It's usually during this time that this starts....

Alice is fearful he's grown bored with her and starts to think of what can bring the spark back. She's SURE she knows this man because of all he's told her in the last three months, and she's even met his mom and he gave her an affectionat pet name. She's fallin in love with a man that he presented himself to be. The first flushes of infatuation misrepresenting itself as LOVE. (sucks huh?). Alice is frantic and wants the "old" Ben back. She's convinced herself this is the real Ben....

What she so naively ignored was the warning signs that were all right there, those wonderful red flags that smitten kittens never see. She didn't ask why he always turned off the volume on his answering machine. She never asked why he had a lock code on his cell phone. She didn't ask why they rarely went out but stayed home watching movies all the time...He was introducing her as "this is Alice" not this is my girlfriend. Although she noticed it, she said nothing as to why SHE always had to drive over to his place, why he never asked about hanging out with HER friends....There was always some excuse that she accepted....the signs were there....

This is the accomodation I'm talking about. Women slip into it without even recognizing it. They justify it with, "He has me come to his house because he just got off work and he's tired". The truth of this is, she is running to his side and accomodating him because once she suggested he come over to her house and she was met with a change of tune. He was then too tired to hang out and stated he was just going to bed. Of course she jumped up and ran to his house on foot. But this is what happens.

So let me blunt yet again....STOP GIVING THESE MEN YOUR POWER AND GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT IF THEY HAVE NOT RECIPROCATED OR EARNED IT. The bottom line is he's not going to commit to you if you kiss his ass as every juncture. You're not going to get the promotion by working 20 hour work days, picking up the office donuts and taking a pay cut. You are only going to be used and taken advantage of.

The way to get what you want is to respect yourself. To ask for what you want. If you're met with a "NO" or a vague response, that's fine...you don't have to throw the towel in, but for the love of Goddess don't think you're going to get more if you rub this man's back and feet all night and when your hand cramps he tells you it's time for you to leave.

People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. Relationships are give and take and though it's true women usually give more due to our maternal need to "take care of" others, we also self sabotage by not knowing when enough is enough. Accomodating a man who is non commital, non available (the married man), and non reciprocal stamps you a doormat. You're not going to get this man to change or turn around unless you set boundries. Say no. Because what is going to happen is you are going to continue to stroke this person, and appease him and accomodate his every need, and you're going to become drained for your needs are left unfufilled. Hear his words. Really hear them....Don't try to make lemons into lemonaide. Hear the words. Hear the truth. And the truth is until you respect yourself and value yourself, neither will anyone else for you will constantly be accomodating people.

The most tragic thing ever is to silence yourself and bite your tongue and ignore those pangs in your gut that is already telling you this is wrong...You ignore it, supress it, shove it down, and your self esteem becomes ravaged. You are now whatever it is HE wants you to be. The smart, sexy, sophisticated, independent woman Ben fell in love with is now a lapdog and a lost puppy begging for morsels of attention and affection from someone who has grown indifferent. You have just taught this man he need not give you anything in return for you are happy with crumbs. Never settle for less than you deserve. Never put your heart on a butcher block. Never sacrifice your needs. If your gut says "this is bullshit" then it is!!!!

I will follow up with the most common mistake women make when it comes to relationships and the do's and the don'ts of dating, and how to set boundries...

Stay tuned

Merry Meet

2010-05-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

Welcome to my new blog. It's going to be along the same lines as my last blog, only with this blog I will be offering my services with remote viewing, psychic readings, tarot readings, teaching the universal laws and it's principles, wiccan beliefs, and many other forms of diviniation and spirituality.

My goal is, as it's always been, to assist others in finding a path that is right for them. One that will lead to more happiness. More abundance and prosperity. But most of all, peace of mind. Too many people give away their power due to feeling if they are not "pleasing" or "accomodating" they will be rejected and/or abandoned. This philosophy cripples people. It locks them in fear of being who they really are, and limits them from speaking their truth. If you are not expressing yourself and asking for what you want, how on earth do you ever expect to get it? It's a fine line we walk between wanting to be a good person, but also embracing our true selves and going for what it is we want in our lives. I teach my clients how to accomplish this.

I will be giving seminars, at a very minimal fee, and also psychic readings and a plethora of other services on this blog. I am also accessible through yahoo messenger and my private email as well. If you view the "contact me" tab at the top, you will find the information. Under the "services" tab you will see the fee's and will find my fee's have been greatly reduced by eliminating the middle man.

I look forward to blogging, assisting you in matters which concern you, and I will be posting more daily. Right now, bare with me, as this is a new blog and I'm exhausted, but will be updating all the pertinent information by the end of the memorial day weekend.

Blessed Be,
Ms Lisa M

Contact Me

2010-05-28T17:48:00.001-07:00